Posted by Pfinstegg on September 20, 2003, at 0:05:28
In reply to Feeling disconnected from my therapist, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2003, at 12:01:56
Hi Dinah.. I, also have gone through periods of feeling detached from my analyst. From what I have learned, I have a form of DID- not multiple personalities, or any time unaccounted for, but inside me there is a very lonely, angry, distrustful little girl, which I try very hard to keep hidden. When the better-functioning part of me is relating to my therapist, the connection is there, and I feel that we work together in ways which are meaningful and helpful, and even fun!. But when that other self-state- the very wary and distrustful - and damaged- little girl is more predominant, I begin to feel that I don't want to even engage in therapy at all, that I don't know whether I trust or even like the same therapist that I was feeling so thrilled to have when my better-functioning self-state was the one relating to him.
I find these times the most difficult- it's hard to keep going or to feel any hope.. But my analyst wants that distrustful part to find a way to relate to him also- he feels that is what we really need to do together. So far, I have only gone a little way with it; for one thing, I feel that part is cold, dismissive, hateful and very unlovable, and I am certain that he will hate it if I show it to him fully. However, he says bringing in that part, and slowly finding that it is accepted, is the most important thing I can do.
Frankly, I am really struggling with this, and don't feel I have been able to do it, yet. In times like this, it is so much easier and safer for me to feel detached. I'm just mentioning it in the chance that something similiar may be happening between you and your therapist. Do you think it could be?
I should just ask in passing- do you think the Glucophage has a depressant effect? I'm not taking that, but last year I did discover that hormones had a huge effect on my mood. I need to take Cytomel along with synthroid ( my thyroid has been underactive for a long time, but the AD effect of tiny twice-daily doses of Cytomel was very noticeable. And, although now no-one is supposed to take HRT for extended periods, I do take a natural estrogen and progesterone twice a week- in low doses- because the depression really does intensify if I go any lower. I'm just running through these things because they have helped me- they may not have any relevance for you.
The only thing I can say to you is what I always forget to say to myself- that these detached feelings are only a part of the total relationship that you have with your therapist. They are only feelings, and they will change. But bringing them into the relationship, while very hard and painful to do, would be much better, and actually offers a lot of promise in terms of feeling more whole and confident in the long run.Love to know what you think of all this- I know you feel free to disagree and always have other points of view that I haven't thought of.
Pfinstegg
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:261630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261827.html