Posted by Deneb on October 31, 2006, at 21:03:11
In reply to Re: I don't get pro ana ***Ana trigger***** » Deneb, posted by ElaineM on October 24, 2006, at 10:50:09
I don't think I will ever be anorexic. I like food too much.
> People don't intentionally become mentally ill -- true -- but there is often a fine-line where people are teetering in the inbetween.
I do think I'm teetering on the edge of bulimia though.
> >When I'm thin I will know it and I will maintain my weight.
>
> ****Completely common attitude, and also famous last words. Guess what *I* said when going down?I never restrict to less than 500 kcal a day so I'm sure I'll never be too skinny. I will try really hard to maintain the weight I feel best in.
> It's soooo common it's both heartbreaking and maddening to witness the same old lines in someone else.
I just don't think something like anorexia will happen to me. More worried about bulimia, which is probably just as bad.
> I'm just wondering, but was it a sentence like that that got you kinda kicked off that other website?
I didn't actually get kicked off. I wrote that I wanted to lose weight the healthy way and people there warned me that their site wasn't for people who were doing things the healthy way. They didn't want me sucked into doing self destructive things.
> D* I realize absolutely NOTHING I say will dissuade you, but if I didn't try and say something I'd feel like an a$$hole - like I let myself down.
Don't be so sure about that. Words can be very powerful. Maybe I just need to think about things longer.
> It wasn't my parents who intervened in my case, it was a pdoc. So I don't know.
I'm glad you made it out OK.
> Why not deal in a currency that has value. ... I also recall hearing that you do well in school - Why not focus on that more? Or, you once wanted to volunteer somewhere, why not make that the possible accomplishment. Are you kinda hoping your mom sees it as an accomplishment?
I am sort of avoiding the things I really need to work on, aren't I? I think my Mom will see losing weight as an accomplishment.
> I don't know your mom and all, but from my own exp., mom's complaining tends to just shift to something else whenever any change is made. ... Even still, whenever the opportunity arrises ] ...ever experience the same?
My Mom doesn't criticize me on my weight. Once in a while she'll say, "Wow, you really are kind of fat."
>
> My parents couldn't cope, felt very angry and defensive, and completely withdrew. They still hate me for doing that to them. They've never been more unsupportive of me than when I was ill.That's horrible. I hope you got support from other people.
> Our accomplishments became: adding chocolate syrup to our milk when we didn't have to!, cutting our meat into 10 pieces instead of 50!, ticking off pecan pie on the menu instead of jello!, tapering down motility meds!......congrats!....... how embarassing.....how far from "You've lost X amount of lbs, what an accomplishment."
I can only imagine how difficult those things are to do.
> you know what the consequences of messing with nutrition are. You've heard personal accounts - told personally to you, for you. I think even your pdoc said to stop. Yet you still adopt all the "ignorant dieter's" (ignorant not as derogatory, just as unaware) traits: this importance of numbers, of restricting food, seeing bones. bingeing etc.
I think it's mainly the purging I have to get under control. That's the main thing. I think my diet is OK.
> Often, the only thing that gets better is someone's weight. But you can't turn your mind back to before.
I've done the purging thing on and off and I'm always back to normal in between.
> Normal behaviours that others may do without realizing will never be second-nature to me anymore. People learn to fight the voice in their head, but it rarely ever disappears.
That's sad. I didn't know that.
I'm sorry about your continued health problems. It must be hard living with the consequences.
> And I was *only* "severely sick" for a few years (and not consecutive runs, ie. 6months well, 6 intreatment,...etc), and not while I was going through puberty.> I won't lie, there was one part of how I was when AN that was considered quite serious, but a misconception I fell for was that bad stuff only happens to the most extreme.
>Perhaps I too underestimate the harm from EDs. I'm not sure if I'm harming myself by vomiting a few times.
> Wanna know the worst part. I'd still -- after all that -- try and lose weight if I could.
Would you lose weight that extremely though? Is even a little bit of weight loss dangerous for someone with anorexia?
> But I'm offering some info, some ugly honesty, some personal evidence -- hoping that if nothing, you can feel that I care about this process you're undertaking. I mean, that's all I can do right. And that I wish you more than you think this will bring.
Thank-you for your honesty. I'll think about it often.
> - whenever I look backwards regret is always there.
Can there still be regret when it was out of your control?
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:695085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/699441.html