Posted by ElaineM on October 31, 2006, at 12:19:59
In reply to Re: I *do* have a problem » Deneb, posted by Lindenblüte on October 31, 2006, at 7:48:12
>>>>How come I don't feel supported here?
I'm sorry you feel this way, but I don't completely understand. There are some posts here to you that you haven't even responded to - Even if only to refute (nevermind try and engage in something deeper).
What would feel supportive to you? I want to help Deneb but can't figure out how. I've tried my best to write sensitive replies but I think I need you to tell me what *you* need.
I guess I've been confused because I can't tell if you want to improve upon whatever disordered behaviours you have, or if you want to figure out how to engage in them better (if you want me to I could give examples of why I wonder that sometimes, so you wouldn't think I'm saying it out of malice or something, but, truly truly truly, I DON'T want you even more upset, so I'll leave it at that for now). If the stuff that I interpret is that, and not just me getting mixed up, then it's nothing to be ashamed of, or hear as an attack. Ambivalence is a very common psychological symptom of all disordered eating. If I point it out, is it helpful (as in, helps identify recovery pitfalls), or No? But I'm stuck as on how to approach you without making you upset - I'm kinda dense that way.
If you've found my posts offensive then you may tell me straight out :-) For real - I wouldn't be mad. You can always ask me to clarify my content or my tone. But I never *tried* to invalidate, only to impart some info, and personal experience. Honestly I tried kinda hard to be very sensitive, and am kinda sad myself that after all that I seemed to have failed. Where I've made somewhat personal statements about you, I made sure to base them on words you already used yourself. I may have asked questions that didn't have ED words or labels attached, but that doesn't mean the content wasn't related. They're not statements of invalidation. Behind ED's and labels and terminology is just a bunch of regular problems in hiding - and I've learned that it's those that need to be focused on to improve or recover. Perhaps that's too much of a jump for you right now. Would you appreciate actual concrete symptom-controlling strategies instead? [though I'd never advise how to starve better in order to negate a binge, or anything like that. But I'm sure you wouldn't have assumed that right :-) ] I can't appoligize for having a strong stance on the destructiveness of disordered eating and behaviour -- I won't -- but I don't think I've ever withheld support or worse by confusing the person with my overall beliefs. [I'm NOT saying that you express this in any of this thread, but I would be down right offended if someone accused me of knowingly being hostile towards another person that way. It would make me feel like someone was telling me that *I* think ED's are a neat club or something, that I feel need group-approved gold stars to join in on, and I've taken it upon myself to be the one to hand them out. If I was ever gonna get mad about anything, it'd be then] Please tell me if you've interpreted something I've written differently.
So if you want the support you feel you're not getting, please respond to me and tell me the best way to impart that so I, so we, can know. I'm geninely (friendly-ly) confused.
I'm no one's enemy here. You know I'm a friend right?
blove, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:699160
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/699305.html