Posted by tealady on October 26, 2003, at 2:09:16
In reply to Jan, I'm sorry. » tealady, posted by Larry Hoover on October 25, 2003, at 6:47:45
> > If I offended you in any way by this post or any other I am sorry.
>
> > PS. If it brings Lar back, I'll go.OK, I'm accustomed to keeping my word, so I will go soon.
It has been a learning experience here for me, and I hope for others too.>
> I've been trying to email you through the thyroid forum, but I guess you haven't got the messages.Well it is tempermental about sending emails..but I've got about 20 other messges every day since then thru it...or thru posts, you can post via email or onto forum too
Did you see my picture? I never knew why exactly I was drawn to it and the quote until recently, just knew I was... I selected them a couple of years ago.I would really appreciate it if you could please find my 2 emails to you this week and return a copy to me ....to return the email just press "reply" ..?
Why use the about forum email system when you have my main address?I'm not expecting you to comment on anything(although you know we all value any helpful advise from you).
I had meant to keep a copy for myself to review in "less stressed out?" times, but in my state they got accidentally deleted.. I even retrieved them from the deleted emails a few time, sigh..but they weren't there later on.
>
> Please accept my humble and heartfelt apology for leaving you hanging, on this thread. My intuition told me you were waiting, and worrying about the wait, yet I did nothing. For that, I'm deeply sorry.
>
Well I guess it I was at the bottom depression wise and "beyond scared" anxiety wise at the time of my email to you, but it was mostly chemically caused, then situational, then, well support in any form always helps...even just try taking this and go and lie down?
> I just couldn't bring myself to talk about this subject right now. Emotionally, I'm on hold.
That's fine. I changed my mind again about intuition and religion etc<grin>.
I think I said in my second email, I'd given up and decided it was all some auto suggestion, self-hypnotic-suggestion thingy.When I was doing Psych1 at Uni I was a guinea pig for some experiments on this stuff
..about making oneself hear music in your head (I could, and so could most)..thought that might have been happening to some others on the forum here lately.
(ya have to be a guinea pig in a no of experiments and it was either this is letting some students practise hypnosis on you...forgetIT!)Anyway, I was lucky a guy from England from another forum (who I also know nothing about except he's been researching and caring for his wife whom he's close to and helps us out with stuff he's learnt) somehow must have sensed something and emailed me a couple of times just after I emailed you, and the pain clinic phoned me twice the next day and day after(unheard of for a public hospital) just to check on how I was going?...so I figure there has to something out there after all...so back to believing in "intuition" or something. Also considering myself lucky.
At the low point all week up to that night... all I'd got was a signal jamming or void..so I'd decided nothing existed, after all..and was questioning my sanity as I was sure I'd felt something before from somewhere, sigh. It didn't help.
> I'm not the slightest bit closer to finding out what's wrong. Looks like they may have lost my bloodwork. It'll be months before I see the specialist. I've had to push myself away from the topic altogether.
Guess I knew that anyway..intuition ?
But then after I always get confirmation after from your posts to others anyway. Someone else posted on being able to tell as well about Ame? was it being depressed etc from posting styles...yours are telling as well...perhaps everyone's are unless we keep a "poker posting" face.Are mine?
When I get really upset, scared, I act by laughing, joking, clowning around..it's my own personal "coping mechanism". The first time I remember using it was when I was 12 in a science experiment where I managed to CO poison my lungs I guess. It was leaking and I couldn't tell as I was stuffed up with a cold..then the dumb teacher suggested I breathe deeper to smell it! Kept coughing and couldn't breathe properly for a couple of weeks. Noone took me to a doc as all I did was keep laughing and joking about it.
Next time was at 15, when my first boyfriend was left..I was just joking and laughing so much..my friends thought I was stange to be so estatically happy about it all and I remember getting some wierd uncomprehending stares...but I couldn't stop.
So if my posts showed any laughing etc in the past (I had the b12 needle on Thursday night 16th.) so from then on.....it's not me laughing at anyone.
Bet my wit has been gone too.
> There's not a thing you've said that's offended me. Quite the contrary. You have been an invaluable support for me, you have given some great ideas, and opened new avenues of inquiry.
>
> I'm grateful for your caring.thanks, thought I must have stepped out of line?
>
> Forgive me for my insensitivity.
>
Lar, my brain/head has BEGUN clearing today still a bit thick though<g>..yesterday and day before the purpleness started retreating from soles of feet..now bright red and electrified tingling intensified..painful to walk<g>I'm still very confused over a couple of posts over in admin. If you prefer I'll post in admin on it, but I would prefer discussing this via email/or ICQ whatever..perhaps I'm misunderstanding something, but it needs to be cleared up for my reputation if nothing else. I understand you object to emails? Last week I found them almost a lifesaver.
Off that topic, It's become blindingly obvious to me that I need to form some kinda "emergency depression kit" so when I can't think for myself, I know what to take etc.
Anyone got any ideas? Is there any drugs/supps that may provide an almost instant uplift, like within a hour or so, in an emergency? If my body is going to keep reacting like this, I need some plan.
> Hugs, <needed, thanx>
L8r, Jan
(would you believe it just took me 10 hours to write this, sigh)PS. Would like to let everyone reading this know, that I did not threathen suicide or even have suicidal thoughts..just reached the bottom, to the best of my memory anyway
poster:tealady
thread:259730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20031023/msgs/273540.html