Posted by violette on July 11, 2010, at 13:52:04
In reply to Re: when a person is hurt, posted by ron1953 on July 11, 2010, at 12:34:13
Ron,
"I feel your deliberate dredging up the ancient past could easily be perceived as uncivil, as it served only one purpose: to discredit my integrity, and was not a response to my current comments."
I had no intentions to 'discredit' anyone's integrity. I felt misunderstood and as if I was put on the defensive to justify my reasoning after reading some of the comments in reply to my thoughts.
In order to understand where you were coming from (possible reasons you seem to be feel strongly about others' sensitivity levels) - I googled your user name. The post about the apostrophe was the 2nd thread that came up. Instead of trying to gain a better understanding of your position - after seeing that thread - I thought: this is a good example of what I've been trying to say all along-being sensitive to personal criticism vs being sensitive to criticism of an object or belief. I did not even read all the posts and am truly sorry if you and Partly Cloudy were upset about my referring to that post.
And after reading your recent posts about going through a hard time when you wrote certain things, I can certainly understand why you might be sensitive to my bringing that up. I did not even look at the date-my intentions were not to 'dredge up the past'. Instead, it looked like it would support my argument since as I said, I felt misunderstood and put on the defense:
"I have noticed that there seem to be folks who are not only hurt easily, but have a way of actually finding hurt in otherwise innocuous exchanges, they seem to have hurt RADAR. And while it may seem reasonable and compassionate to set the bar for the most sensitive, it dumbs things down to an absurd point."
Because my whole point was not about getting hurt easily-as you are talking to someone who has never_once_clicked the 'notify administrator' button as a result of 'being easily hurt'. I also never implied nor stated to raise the sensitivity bar. I feel very misunderstood.
The original point was what could seem like personal attacks-such as repeatedly telling others they are not adult enough--seems more harmful than criticizing an object such as attributing Effexor to a poison or strong opinions about an apostrophe. I understand people can be hurt by others knocking down opinions-but it seems to me the former would cause one to feel more put down that the lattter. And I posted some links to parallels of emotional abuse to try to back up my point as well. People IRL who are abusive often perceive or claim the person who is hurt is "too sensitive"-to justify emotional abuse-so yes, I'm sensitive to this issue-being referred to as 'too sensitive'.
I feel like I am beating a dead horse at this point. People have different levels of empathy and see things differently. I appreciate the diversity, but also wished to be understood. Instead, I felt criticized.
Take care, Ron.
poster:violette
thread:953266
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100321/msgs/954118.html