Posted by Dr. Bob on July 13, 2010, at 10:19:40
In reply to Re: when a person is hurt » violette, posted by violette on July 11, 2010, at 14:56:26
> In order to understand where you were coming from (possible reasons you seem to be feel strongly about others' sensitivity levels) - I googled your user name. The post about the apostrophe was the 2nd thread that came up. Instead of trying to gain a better understanding of your position - after seeing that thread - I thought: this is a good example of what I've been trying to say all along-being sensitive to personal criticism vs being sensitive to criticism of an object or belief. I did not even read all the posts and am truly sorry if you and Partly Cloudy were upset about my referring to that post.
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> violette> Sorry you felt criticized; that was not my intent. In fact, I wasn't directing my comments to anybody in particular, including you. My comments were, in fact, a "challenge" to the idea or concept that if one feels hurt, there are specific and correct ways to look at those feelings, and that those ways are unchangeable.
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> ron1953Thanks for explaining, and apologizing.
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> I have instead realized that overall this place might be too crazy for me. Dr. Bob encouraged me to work on whatever issues I have here, and I had thought about it and it seemed like a good idea, and I have tried it out. (such as being triggered by others stating I may be 'too sensitive')
> I'm pretty open about my 'issues' here. At the same time, I don't want to border on self degeneration to interact with people
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> I felt a bit more comfortable here seeing Dr. Bob's being (more?) open about his responsibility in the way poster's feel.
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> it is an issue for me when others point out possible 'negative' traits of my own-when I am pretty open about my faults-but do not ever or rarely state how their issues may have contributed to conflict.
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> I just feel that understanding my inner motivations are more important and lead to more insights and is more helpfl than changing my thoughts/behavior. Even if you change your thoughts, the inner conflicts remain.> always taking responsibility for your feelings in two-way communications is imo, in some ways-similar to being a doormat. ... Sometimes it's healthier to stand up for yourself than remain silent.
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> violetteAlways taking responsibility and never standing up for oneself is an issue, but so is never taking responsibility and always defending oneself. Conflicts are important, but so is behavior. Being open to taking some responsibility doesn't necessarily mean denigrating oneself.
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I think this and other recent thread have included some nice examples of responding when a person is hurt. :-)
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:953266
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100321/msgs/954309.html