Posted by Nadezda on December 10, 2008, at 9:40:07
In reply to Re: the reasons for my post... » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on December 10, 2008, at 7:52:36
I want to say, But...but...but......?
How did this all get to such a point?
I thought Dinah's answer, if I understand which was the post that caused some stir, was very general. While it was in response to the point make by twinleaf, I didn't really think it was directed at twinleaf--or at anyone specific-- if you see the difference.
And it really only stated the general rationale for such types of actions, which I do think sometimes people forget in the warmth of their concern for the person who's been blocked. I know I myself was concerned about those who were the objects and readers of the posts by SSSS -- and, in particular, that the concern for SSSS might seem, inadvertantly, to diminish the other person/peoples' needs.
It is a lot to expect the hurt person to want, necessarily, to gently suggest that the poster might be careful-- if that would, in fact, be helpful-- which it might not be. The deputies are not always able to catch these things before they escalate== and their gentle warnings may also be taken as unwelcome reproofs-- which themselves then cause further escalation. Then, there are limits-- we don't have time or energy for bmail correspondence to remedy these things.. There is simply the reality that we all have demanding lives and can't attend to everything in the way it might deserve ideally. It just isn't possible to do all we might like.
I'm sure I'm not saying anything that you, twinleaf, and everyone else, don't already know-- and I'm not suggesting in any way that your concern for blocked posters is misplaced. It's great that people want to support those who've been blocked, because it can be experienced as a rejection and be painful. The support is, I feel, an important source of comfort.
I just think there are constraints to what we can expect. This is the system that's evolved. It's fine to offer potential improvements. But, however bad it may feel at a moment, and however much it could be improved over time, we need to respect and care about those who administer it, not only because they're very dedicated and we're lucky to have them, but because they are other posters with issues, and sensitivities, vulnerabilities like our own. They may not be our particular ones-- but we do need to consider their needs too. Which is not to say we shouldn't protest blocks, but that perhaps we should be aware that the deputies can be hurt, too-- and have many demands placed on them.
It's difficult, I know-- we get up in what we're feeling and it's hard to see what others write from their point of view. But I truly don't think Dinah meant to do more than throw an emphasis on certain points-- and to say, "these are the things that weighed most heavily in my decision"-- not because we don't know or act in accordance with them-- but because she was throwing a light on them.
I think this is a hope that we can read others' posts in the best, and most curious, rather than conclusory, way we can. If we try to give one another the benefit of the doubt, and remember that many criticisms come from feelings of hurt or confusion that we may not understand-- and that may not reflect on us-- maybe we can avoid at least a little of the pain.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:867435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081003/msgs/867840.html