Posted by Dr. Bob on December 18, 2008, at 17:53:37
In reply to Re: the reasons for my post... » Nadezda, posted by twinleaf on December 9, 2008, at 23:40:51
Hi, everyone,
I meant to respond to this thread last week, sorry about not doing so until now.
> I wonder what would happen if more interpretative supportive interactions occurred earlier? If a helpful fellow-poster said something like, " it looks like you feel really bad right now, but maybe it would be better if you didn't make (vulgar or inappropriate ) comments, and talked about how bad you feel instead, they would almost certainly be given a PCB. So, because there isn't a good way to intervene along the way, the whole sequence escalates until the poster in distress gets blocked.
>
> twinleaf> In the future, would it be possible to hit the notify button and say that you are worried about that poster or is that not an option. At least that would get a deputy or Dr. Bob on notice?
>
> So that if you personally don't think you are able to help then someone else might be.
>
> rskSure, you can always notify us, but you can also just post that you're worried about them and don't think you're able to help yourself, but hope someone else might be. There may in fact be effective, yet civil, ways to intervene earlier. For example, what about a variation of the above:
> > It looks like you feel really bad right now, and I don't want you to get in trouble with Dr. Bob, could you talk more about how bad you feel?
--
> Having been blocked myself, I can say from personal experience that it is a painfully rejecting, invalidating experience-the very thing a board dedicated to compassion and understanding should want to avoid whenever possible.
> When I have been blocked here, I have been astonished by how strong my feelings of having been rejected actually are. It is as though I have been part of a tribe, and have suddenly been cast out. At the same time, I have never had the slightest feeling that Bob, or any deputy, have rejecting feelings towards me. ... what has made me feel so rejected and alone ... is that I was suddenly alone and cut off from communication and the possibility of repaired dialogue during a time of heightened need for just those things with just this community..
> I felt somehow guilty, ashamed and alone; the experience seemed to bring up a lot of painful feelings from long ago.
>
> twinleafThanks for distinguishing between us having rejecting feelings and you feeling rejected.
We do know that blocks can be painful, try to avoid them whenever possible, and appreciate brainstorming about how to avoid them more often.
--
> I simply feel uneasy about 230 people observing and/or participating here who are doing so with completely different motivations than what made you and I become attached here.
> how do we know for certain that any administrative thread for the immediate future isn't in some way polluted by the new research and pseudo participants?
>
> TophI understand feeling apprehensive about a bunch of newcomers, and change in general, but I don't see them as having completely different motivations. Also, please don't post anything that could lead others (for example, research participants) to feel put down.
> It is extremely disappointing to me to have each point I made in trying to contribute to a discussion about a recent Babble event subtly distorted and misread so that it could be thrown back at me as an implicit criticism. In this one thread alone, I have been accused of not understanding the rule of remaining supportive, of expecting other posters to act as therapists, of being insensitive to, and ignoring the feelings of, other posters and of considering the deputies to be personally cold and rejecting towards blocked posters.
> I was not expecting to be criticized, misunderstood and put down by a deputy for something as potentially constructive as that.
>
> twinleafI'm sorry if you felt criticized, misunderstood, or put down, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused (for example, of distorting, misreading, or accusing).
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're bad people.
More information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself are in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:867435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081003/msgs/869489.html