Posted by Estella on May 7, 2006, at 2:46:01
In reply to Re: Estella » Estella, posted by Deneb on May 7, 2006, at 1:01:03
>> The danger in idealisation is that it tends to be followed by disillusionment and hostility and rage.
>I'll worry about that when it comes.
It isn't either / or.
It isn't about feeling good now vs not feeling good now.
I think it is just about trying to moderate those feelings so that the latter is less likely to happen. Or so that if it happens it is less likely to be so very intense.
Because the intensity of the latter... Can be truely horrible.
And so to find a middle ground...
Will be better for you in the long term
And better for Bob
And better for the boards
(Now I'll probably get blocked for that because Bob tends to think a *should* is implied by talking about certain states being *better*. But surely people can grant absence of pain is *better*. Oh yeah that's why it is *better* for the boards for me to be blocked...)>> A question I've been wanting to ask you is...
>> What is love?
>> What does 'love' mean to you?
>> There may well be different kinds of love. That is okay.> I really don't think I've ever experienced true love, whatever that means.
Lol. You need to fix the meaning BEFORE deciding whether you have had that or not ;-)
Seriously though... I wouldn't be so sure. I figure you loved hammie a whole heap. There are many different kinds of love IMO.> I think love is demonstrated through caring acts....caring and unselfish acts (as unselfish as acts can be). Caring acts make the person feel better. The more caring acts there are, the stronger the love is. I don't think thinking about love is enough...love must be shown through acts.
Yeah. Like if someone were to say 'I really want to get married' and then they don't get married despite an excellent opportunity. In that case we would conclude that they never really did want to get married.
If someone says they love you but just keep on hurting you... Then we may well conclude that they never really did love you.
But then sometimes people can be f*cked up...
And not really understand how to EXPRESS love appropriately. I dunno. It is a hard one.> I realize that I don't actually "love" Dr. Bob. Obsession is the more appropriate word. My "love" for Dr. Bob is not characterized by caring acts. My love serves only one purpose, to make myself feel good. My "love" is a selfish act.
Is it? You say nice things to him at times... Try to support him... Thinking about him makes you feel good... And you don't really seem to be under a big whopper of an illusion... I dunno. I dunno what love is supposed to be really. I think I have a lot of love for Babblers at times. I do. And I think... I do. Even though sometimes... I hurt. Yup.
> I also think that your thinking and mood has changed quite a bit and it may be turning the world into a dark and unforgiving place for you. I could be wrong of course, maybe I am the one in the dark here...but my world is much brighter and pleasant to live in.
Yeah. I have a dim recollection of that world... But I can't find it. I can't. Maybe I'm a little jealous that you have that. I'm sorry. I'm glad you have been feeling a lot happier. I wish I could muster that myself. I'm sorry.
> You don't need to be sorry. This is how you feel. Your world has changed and this change is real. The things we feel are real to us. I'm scared for you too. I'm worried about you.
Thanks. I think. I don't know. Now I'm worried about you feeling scared and worried about me. I guess its a good thing if you feel that a little but not a lot. I'm sorry.
poster:Estella
thread:640823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060412/msgs/640870.html