Posted by Deneb on May 7, 2006, at 1:01:03
In reply to Re: Estella, posted by Estella on May 7, 2006, at 0:07:09
> Everyone is in their own little world. Hurts capture ones attention so the only thing one can properly focus on is ones hurt.
I understand the inability to focus on others because of one's hurts. Hurts can be debilitating.
I also think some people are oblivious to problems not their own. Maybe they choose to be that way, maybe it's just a part of their personality, maybe it's a little of both. I don't think they are bad people. I think they need to be socialized. I think I have this problem a lot of the time...being oblivious to others problems. I'm sorry if I haven't supported you as much as you've supported me.
> And the altruism... The altruism that is offered is every bit as selfish as the other things people do to minimise the hurt. Because that is what the altruism is about. It is about trying to 'earn' the right to be loved.
That is precisely why I don't believe in true altruism. I think we all *want* something for ourselves when we do altruistic things....whether it is for love or a feeling of self satisfaction, it is ultimately a selfish act. I think all acts are inherently selfish. There is no way around not thinking of one's self.
> It is just as selfish as lashing out in hurt. It works better because people tend to be favouribly disposed to altruists whereas they tend to turn on people who lash out. But if you want to test the limits of altruism then if you ever lash out in pain... Well just see the altruists turn and flee. See them try to shape your behaviour...
(((((Estella))))) I'm sorry you experienced those things. It's hard to ignore things like that.
> And really the world is a f*cked up place.
...and we have to live in this world...
We have to learn to live in this world. Sometimes the world really can seem f*cked up, but I think our moods have a lot to do with it. Who knows what the truth is? Reality is subjective. I truly think you believe the world is f*cked up right now and it's true for you, but you might not think that if you were feeling better. Both realities can be true.
> I understand the desire to retreat... To find some peace in fantasy.I've had a lot of practice in my childhood. Hey, it works for me...
> The danger in idealisation is that it tends to be followed by disillusionment and hostility and rage.
I'll worry about that when it comes.
> A question I've been wanting to ask you is...
>
> What is love?
>
> What does 'love' mean to you?
> There may well be different kinds of love. That is okay.I really don't think I've ever experienced true love, whatever that means. I think love is demonstrated through caring acts....caring and unselfish acts (as unselfish as acts can be). Caring acts make the person feel better. The more caring acts there are, the stronger the love is. I don't think thinking about love is enough...love must be shown through acts.
I realize that I don't actually "love" Dr. Bob. Obsession is the more appropriate word. My "love" for Dr. Bob is not characterized by caring acts. My love serves only one purpose, to make myself feel good. My "love" is a selfish act.
> > I know I write about myself and my problems a lot. I don't offer as much support as others here.
> I'm like that sometimes. And watch the people flee. Maybe it is because... I used to offer so much more... I did. And now... People want that back.I think that's a possibility, but I also think that your thinking and mood has changed quite a bit and it may be turning the world into a dark and unforgiving place for you. I could be wrong of course, maybe I am the one in the dark here...but my world is much brighter and pleasant to live in.
> They want that back. I think people would like it if there were people here who just went around helping others and being silent on themselves their own issues.
I agree. I think humans naturally want to shield ourselves from negative things. Sometimes help won't be given without asking. I think we all have to learn to accept that.
> I'm so sorry this has happened to me :-(
> I'm real scared.
> I'm sorry.You don't need to be sorry. This is how you feel. Your world has changed and this change is real. The things we feel are real to us. I'm scared for you too. I'm worried about you.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:640823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060412/msgs/640850.html