Posted by alexandra_k on January 8, 2006, at 18:33:28
In reply to Re: Too bad attending no longer appeals to me. » alexandra_k, posted by zeugma on January 8, 2006, at 16:12:37
> it seems to me that there is an inherent problem that is peculiar to the nature of this board. and that is, not that people say nasty things (because i am not going to defend nastiness) but that people try to help.
larry was trying to help. yes. but i don't think the consequence (the block) was delivered because he was trying to help. i think the block was delivered because of the things he said. we might think 'tough love' helps. but i don't think that being well intentioned mediates what is said.
when therapists tell me that i'm manipulative or attention seeking or that i'm making them sick that does not help me. they might well be trying to help me. they might well think that they are helping me. but those comments are not helpful. they are hurtful. all the good intentions in the world... don't moderate that.
> and there are times when say person x knows that substance y is toxic in a certain dosage and advises against those quantities,
and that is fine.
> consuming substance y is *insert uncivil word here*. now is that nastiness? no.
not nastiness. but it assumes intent behind people doing that.
i used to take overdoses... i just wanted the pain to stop. i just wanted the pain to stop. if you see it that way then i think you find you will feel less frustrated with me than...
if you see it as a manipulative gesture. seeing it as a manipulative gesture isn't helpful to me. because... i don't think it is nice to manipulate others. and if i think i am being manipulative then i feel very bad :-( and that leads to... more pain.did i do it to manipulate or play games?
or did i do it because i wanted to stop the pain?
is there a fact of the matter?the way you see it...
can make a difference for how you feel about the person
frustration
sympathy
it can make a difference for what you say to the person
blame
sympathydo you think that it would benefit the forum if people were allowed to call each other manipulative and say that other people are making one sick?
even if it is true...
isn't the burden on us to not get involved in things that make us sick? like clearskies was saying on relationships...
we need to take responsibility for our own recovery
our own mental health
and sometimes that does mean pulling back and walking away for a time
yes.
i don't want to fight with you either :-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:5509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20051205/msgs/596741.html