Posted by Erif on December 21, 2011, at 16:10:47
In reply to Re: opiates and major depression » CaptainAmerica1967, posted by Chairman_MAO on October 19, 2011, at 14:09:38
Hi All (maybe this should be a new thread...sorry)
I'd like to direct this post particularily to Jeff as I've been reading a lot of his threads...I also have (and have had) treatment resistant major depression, and anxiety disorder, for Many years. Currently, I often can't get out of bed; my thoughts are very often torturedly painful and if I do get out of bed, when it's so bad, it doesn't help. I've tried about every anti-depressant (including MAOI's) there is as well as other psychotrophic medications. I've also tried cold shower therapy and exercise. Low dose Amphetimines can help a little (a few hours during a given day) but only if I don't take them more than a day or two in a row. When they don't work at all (basically every other day, at best, I'm even more nervous, depressed and my thoughts even more tortured...norepinephrine/dopamine increase then depletion I guess) Currently I'm trying (for the 2nd time) adding welbutrin to my amphetamine, dexadrine. I survive my time that dexadrine is not helping at all, with klonopin (which I hold to a dose as low as I can as my memory is getting less good than it was) and anti-histaimines (this can help, an hour or two, if I'm able to make myself sleepy without actually going to sleep)
I have a lot of tragedy as well as, unfortunately, abuse in my background. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder plays a significant role in my depression. I've had therapy for Many years, but have almost Never been able to trust a therapist with my emotions... I try, but therapy was/is like intellectual reporting/discussing forEver (telling about horrible events with no emotion) which I've come to Hate after soooo many years. Much of my PTSD is around people problems so I have huge trust issues which makes it especially hard to heal w/ therapist/people; and the pain of grieving alone/depressed becomes so overwhelming to me that I can't seem to do that either.
Anyway, so Jeff I understand that your depression is biological and that you don't have abuse in your background. I know that you have had Monumental loss (I can personally relate to your feelings about that song by Bread and reading that touches my heart.) Have you been able to grieve the Major Losses in your life..... not just the sad, tragic loss of your sweet parents but also the loss of your life caused by depression..?.. In fact, the way we all suffer major grieving everyday is, at least, justified anyway. If you have been able to grieve, I'm glad. If not, I can relate; I've only been able to do a very little bit of grief in proportion to my Losses. My Lost Life. Currently, I'm trying taking a "Re-evaluation Counseling"/Co-counseling class which maybe possibly (I hope to God) might help with this (possibly because of the mutuality of the approach.) I recommend at least trying "Re-evaluation Counseling" for anyone with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (you might need to be able to overlook the occasional slightly cultish or even loopy vibe that can be associated w/ the "RC" culture) but I think the basic theory and rules of practice are good.
best,
E
PS I'm also thinking about trying ketamine and I really hope depression-treatment level maintanance doses wouldn't cause urinary system damage.
poster:Erif
thread:81414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111208/msgs/1005336.html