Posted by Enigma on August 4, 2010, at 17:47:53
In reply to Re: Nardil is killing me - must find alternative! Help » Enigma, posted by Phillipa on August 1, 2010, at 20:38:17
> Enigma what the heck is MC? And stop this talk now!!!! You can do it I know you can. Think the stomach is the cause of your mental health problems. It's possible you know? Do you have a gastro diagnosis? Love Phillipa
MC = match dot com, or as I like to call it MenGetRejectedTimesInfinity dot com
Philipa, I've been fighting the "severe" depression for 10 years now, the mania and minor depression for about 7.
I'm getting worse, progressively, each and every month. Willpower doesn't cut it when the chemicals in your brain are as f-ed up as mine are. I tried, gave it a good shot too, and probably outlasted most people I know.
But being realistic, I have about 2 drugs left, one of which I've already tried (Selegeline) and that's failed me already, then there Marplan which I forget if I've tried.
There's VNS (Vagus Nerve Stimulation) and DBS (Deep Brain Stimulation). Same thing?? Both of which I cannot even come close to affording. If my mother thankfully would stop running from her negative Karma, death would take her too, like it took my Dad (and no, I want them both dead - they caused this disorder by living in that "hell-house" with their own disorders they never treated - emotional and physical abuse, and so much more (it's all in my unpublished book - "Imprisoned by a Broken Mind", paying for my surgery, which is STILL no guarantee of a cure. The surgery, after throwing all that money away STILL could be a complete waste. Hell, I could die during surgery.
So, if I can't afford the operation, I'd say the meds will poop out in about 3 months for Selegeline, and who knows about Marplan (do they still make it?). I could have only 6-12 months left to live.
Right now, with no love in my life, I'm burning out even faster. I count the days I don't cry now, and there hasn't been one in a while.Chemistry sucks, Genetics Sucks, Biology sucks. I Still, just like when I was 20, am still picky when it comes to women, and nothing I've tried has been able to alter that. I have no friends, since they all abandoned me, literally, and wouldn't even give me the 1 night out a month which is all I asked of them. These are highschool and childhood friends!!! Not the fake co-worker "friends". I still can't believe they just left me here to rot away and die. So, I haven't been to a night club (any type) because when you go alone, *everyone* there (especially where I live) automatically assumes you are a loser. So, been trying all the dating sites, and those have been purely demoralizing rejection. Fun to get rejected by women that you look better than, face, and body, and are 10x as smart as. Now THAT'S a slap in the face.
I'd be so bold as to link my profile so you can see what I look like, but I don't think this forum allows that.So, every corner I turn leads to a dead end. I'm really NOT being melodramatic either. I wind up doing a 360. Fail, Fail, Fail, Fail. 8 months on one dating site and not one date. My wife did it and got a date in 2 days. We're separated, still living together. She's so solace for my pain either, which is a big reason we're separated. It would help if I loved her too, which I don't, and haven't in 20 years of marriage (all of it).
To Sarah, my sole-mate whom I met 5.5 years ago. I still think of you like we met yesterday. I wish I could find her again, even just to see her face...
poster:Enigma
thread:955737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100731/msgs/957223.html