Posted by Doug_Saving_The_Team on April 8, 2006, at 20:50:57
hi all,
i have to get something off my chest. let me say first i am terribly depressed and upset by the whole thing. i will try to keep this to the point. here is my sad history:
High school:
*Freshman-Junior year: top 10 in the class, obviously exceptional academically.
*Senior year: Problems with Accutane caused severe depression. Doctor put me on Paxil, then Prozac. My grades immediately suffered because I just didn't care anymore, in addition to memory issues.
*I was accepted to one of the top 5 best univiersities in the world.
College:
*Tried to go off, but had lots of anxiety and went right back to Prozac. I regret that terribly. DAMN ME!! I remember a moment when I told myself, "This is a big decision. Just hold off and don't take the meds." But I was weak, and I went back to the meds...............
*Freshman through Senior year: Just as I did on meds my senior year. My grades? 2.5 GPA. God-awful, and entirely attributable to the medication. once i was on the meds, i could not get off of them. but i wish every day that I did.
Now I'm a senior about to graduate next month, and I regret my whole college experience. I'd do most anything to do it over again, this time WITHOUT MEDICATIONS!! Now I'm going home, without employment, when I should be going off to some great job on Wall Street like my friends, working at a hedge fund, private equity shop or investment bank. Instead, I'm going home to get off my medication. But how am I to play catch up? I've just WASTED FOUR YEARS!! What, I'm supposed to go to some state school back home? That's so embarrassing, but I guess i deserve it. I'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM. or so i've thought many times, but sunk ever lower, and lower, and lower... my parents pressure me to do what they expect. they don't understand all my struggles have nothing to do with the difficulty of the course work: it has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE MEDICATION I'M ON!!
In addition to that, I'm FREAKING out about the permanent side effects of the medication. A study a year ago showed teenagers put on meds grew on average 2 inches less than their peers. so not only am i shorter than i should be, but WHO KNOWS, MAYBE IT CAUSED MY BRAIN TO NOT DEVELOP AS IT NORMALLY SHOULD HAVE. and thus I am left with the brain of a senior in high school, not a college graduate. and thus I am stunted. I may have been top percentile at high school graduation, but now what am I? My peers have advanced and I have been STUNTED!!
i just had to get this off my chest. i see a pdoc, and I talk to my parents about it, but my parents don't understand what I'm going through. They are very loving, but they don't understand, and that frustrates me terribly.
For the record, now I'm on WellbutrinXL 150mg, Lexapro 10mg and Gingo Biloba 40mg, all per day.
HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP. I'm not going to "hurt myself" or anything, but I am TERRIBLY DEPRESSED. Just imagine: 4 years of your prime life, WASTED, when you could have learned so many things and be going off to a well-paying job. but I am stunted now. The medication effected my performance academically which in turn effected my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
F*** me...
poster:Doug_Saving_The_Team
thread:630718
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060408/msgs/630718.html