Posted by elizabeth22 on February 5, 2005, at 14:32:40
In reply to The Honest Truth, posted by pretty_paints on February 4, 2005, at 13:38:38
Hi pretty paints, I just wanted to let you know I can really relate to your post. I hope you don't mind me replying even though I haven't properly 'spoken' to you before.
I've been diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder, but I also wanted a diagnosis of something more 'serious' like manic depression. I read loads of info about it on the internet and convinced myself I had it - now, maybe I've had some of the symptoms but I've never been diagnosed with it and now realise I probably don't need to be! Now I just try and think about my 'symptoms' in a different way - maybe I'm just someone that has big moodswings and can feel very agitated at times, and these feelings are still real even if they don't have a diagnosis attached. You know and people close to you know that you have a mental illness and I think if they care now they will still care whatver diagnosis you end up with.
I agree with ed_uk that diagnoses aren't all that important and are really just something to base treatment on. Recently I've started to realise that the only reason I'd need a manic depression diagnosis is to help my doctor choose medication. As I seem to be doing OK on antidepressants alone, plain old depression it is!
For me I think the main reason I wanted a diagnosis was I needed some kind of explanation for all the disruptions to my life. Being depressed made me give up my job, among other things, and I felt there had to be a REASON for all this I could tell people. I think there can be a stigma attached to 'just' being depressed as people think you're just a miserable kind of person or should stop moping, whereas e.g. with schizophrenia people don't question that it's an illness. I often think of my depression as a character flaw (I know I shouldn't), whereas if I had a more obviously biological illness like manic depression I wouldn't blame myself - it would be out of my control and I could separate it from myself better.
I suppose I also wanted an 'excuse' for not working, and spending some time just getting better and being depressed just didn't seem to be good enough. I can really relate to what you said about always needing to achieve and prove yourself. I was interested to read that you went to Cambridge, as I did too. I suppose I've always been quite hard on myself and often compare myself to all the amazingly talented people I know!
So, thanks for posting such an interesting point and I think you're brave for sharing your feelings.
poster:elizabeth22
thread:452494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050202/msgs/453653.html