Posted by shelliR on August 11, 2001, at 19:42:11
In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » shelliR, posted by Lorraine on August 11, 2001, at 2:02:50
Hi Lorraine.
> > > Fair enough. But what about the wanting to be at the center, wanting undiluted attention--not in a general way, but that thing that kids do "look at me"; Mommy listen to me.
>
> I wasn't saying this from the mother's perspective; I meant from the child's perspective--that perhaps that's one of the things the therapists hour helps fill--this unmet need from childhood. And, of course, you're right that being the mother in this situation does not fill that void (not at all).yes, I understand now. Every child does need that from someone, I think best senario from the mother. And you are the mother . :-)
>
>
> And, by the way, I wanted to be in the center as well (even though I had terrible SA)--my center was the center of success in the business world, maybe this was safer for me. I suspect that people can be similarly wounded and look to heal those wounds differently.
>
> > > > I understand that. In terms of myself, however, my creative urges really have to be played out. I have to be totally self absorbed for part of my work, and interestly, for the other part I must be totally without ego. I'll send you my website address, so I won't sound so mysterious. I'm not Van Gogh! I might have been able to give that up when I was younger, but now that would be impossible, I would not be happy. I *have* to be creating something. So maybe it is good that I am not a mom, although it was not especially by choice. I have some shame issues about that; interestingly it brings up shame, rather than loneliness for me.
>
> I think it's great that you have a creative outlet. It sounds wonderful. I'm glad you are able to fully explore this part of you. There is a certain focus required.I thought you had your e-mail listed but I don't see it. If you want just create a temp e-mail and I'll send you the url for my website. I am one of about three or four people who are well known and highly respected for this type of work in the fairly large area that is my client base. In an area of mostly attorneys, government, journalists, research (NIH), consulting, I get to be the one of the best of a few people who are well known with my style. So I guess that is the way that I kind of get to be in the center; although I had no idea that it was going to happen that way. It was a gift that came out of much turmoil in my life. I was unable to work. I had planned to become a clinical psychologist, but wasn't together enough (I knew that, but even so got a masters), so this came out of going back to take a couple of art classes at my therapist's insistance at the time that I create some structure in my life. I now have absolutely no desire to be a therapist.
> It's interesting that you have shame issues surrounding this, yes. Shelli, it would be a pretty boring world if we all chose the >same path. The key is to do what fits for you and it sounds like you are doing this beautifully. I'm afraid that I have >sounded a bit like a poster child for motherhood. Yikes!
>
Well maybe I'd feel less shame if I had *chosen* not to have children. Anyway, my therapist and I do work on that shame part, under the category of "shame of my earlier adulthood" ,different from "childhood shame" :-)
> > > >I think it is definitely hormonal; it feels like I'm am having pms time all the time. I saw my gyn (of course on a really good day), and we both thought I should wait to add estrogen until I saw the effects of the parnate.
>
> Does she think estrogen is the right course for hormonally related PMS? I had thought it was Progesterone for that.Well, it has a perimenopausal element to it; it's all very confusing to me. Today I got my period for the second time in three weeks, so that's why this has been such a hard time. This is the third day I've felt really sick, although for most of today I was okay, fell asleep and then woke up very sick in my stomach again, but at least without the migraine. I should be through this tomorrow and it probably would have helped if I had taken natural progesterone, but I didn't even realize why I felt so bad until I started spotting.
>
> > > > I have to remember it was a full five weeks until I felt any anti-depressant effects from nardil.
>
> I have read that Parnate is quicker than Nardil in it's effects. Let's hope so.
I do hope so but remembering the nardil experience helps me hang in there without any disappointmnet day to day. Plus the absence of any side effects (I think) doesn't hurt either. If I wasn't going through this woman stuff, I could easily wait for the parnate to kick in because the oxy gets me through. Today, I had no depression; it was all physical bad stuff.
>
> My pdoc, by the way, decided that I should stay the course at 10 mg/day and try to take the full dose in the morning--augmenting with 2.5 mg of Adderal in the afternoon if necessary. He thinks for sleep, I should just bump up the Neurontin.
>You sound like you have a really good doctor; I can't remember why you were thinking of changing.
> I hope things start turning up for you soon.
Moi aussi.Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:67742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74679.html