Posted by Lorraine on August 11, 2001, at 2:02:50
In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on August 10, 2001, at 23:01:56
Hi Shelli, elizabeth.
> > Fair enough. But what about the wanting to be at the center, wanting undiluted attention--not in a general way, but that thing that kids do "look at me"; Mommy listen to me.
I wasn't saying this from the mother's perspective; I meant from the child's perspective--that perhaps that's one of the things the therapists hour helps fill--this unmet need from childhood. And, of course, you're right that being the mother in this situation does not fill that void (not at all).
> > >So, I'm not debating how connected and "attached" that makes you feel.hmmm. The kids make me feel attached and connected, but, I think it's because I have always wanted a chance to be part of a family that is healthy. Shelli, it probably comes back to your point that I had already done my healing before I was able to truly connect with them in this way.
And, by the way, I wanted to be in the center as well (even though I had terrible SA)--my center was the center of success in the business world, maybe this was safer for me. I suspect that people can be similarly wounded and look to heal those wounds differently.
> > >I don't know a lot of people with good marriages.Isn't that the truth?
> > >I would not trade my life for the life of some very close friends with only partially satisfying marriages, although even that relationship does add to a feeling of security in life.
I agree.
> > >I think a good marriage is a treasure, and it is wonderful that you have one; especially such a long one.
I feel pretty lucky here. Although you know, it's like any other relationship, they all require work, tune-ups and so forth. My husband and I have gone in and out of therapy about every 5 years. People change and patterns that work for the old relationship start to fail. So we go back in to reconnect.
> > > I understand that. In terms of myself, however, my creative urges really have to be played out. I have to be totally self absorbed for part of my work, and interestly, for the other part I must be totally without ego. I'll send you my website address, so I won't sound so mysterious. I'm not Van Gogh! I might have been able to give that up when I was younger, but now that would be impossible, I would not be happy. I *have* to be creating something. So maybe it is good that I am not a mom, although it was not especially by choice. I have some shame issues about that; interestingly it brings up shame, rather than loneliness for me.
I think it's great that you have a creative outlet. It sounds wonderful. I'm glad you are able to fully explore this part of you. There is a certain focus required. It's interesting that you have shame issues surrounding this, yes. Shelli, it would be a pretty boring world if we all chose the same path. The key is to do what fits for you and it sounds like you are doing this beautifully. I'm afraid that I have sounded a bit like a poster child for motherhood. Yikes!
> > > Back to meds: I have had a totally awful last two days, depression and very bad migraines.I'm so sorry to hear this.
> > >I think it is definitely hormonal; it feels like I'm am having pms time all the time. I saw my gyn (of course on a really good day), and we both thought I should wait to add estrogen until I saw the effects of the parnate.
Does she think estrogen is the right course for hormonally related PMS? I had thought it was Progesterone for that.
> > >Today I am not at all sure, and may decide to add the estrogen again and can only stop if/when the parnate takes effect.
You can always simplify later.
> > > I have to remember it was a full five weeks until I felt any anti-depressant effects from nardil.
I have read that Parnate is quicker than Nardil in it's effects. Let's hope so.
My pdoc, by the way, decided that I should stay the course at 10 mg/day and try to take the full dose in the morning--augmenting with 2.5 mg of Adderal in the afternoon if necessary. He thinks for sleep, I should just bump up the Neurontin.
I hope things start turning up for you soon.
Lorraine
poster:Lorraine
thread:67742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74587.html