Posted by shar on August 12, 2000, at 15:47:11
In reply to Re: support - to all of you , posted by Kath on August 12, 2000, at 14:10:12
Kath,
When I posted before I kept it really short because I thought you wanted to mainly hear from guys. But, seeing the posts I feel freer to expound a bit.I believe it is very threatening and intrusive to our "self" or "soul" for another person to grab, touch, embrace, stand too near. If it was a stranger, you would immediately move away and make sure that did not occur again. But, in this situation, you had to endure the threat, and keep yourself exposed to it, to be polite (instead of slugging him or pushing him or whatever). That is traumatic for you, and definitely not your fault. You didn't have control over his behavior; if you did have control you would not have "made" him do that for sure! You would make him just be kindly old dad. But, you don't have control over him, he had control, and you didn't cause him to do it in any way.
Even with the knowledge that he may be ill, it doesn't put his behavior on your head. His inappropriate behavior would not be allowed if he did it to a stranger! I think you have done a great job of being very clear with him about what is wrong, and what your expectations are, not giving him excuses or the chance to do it 10 more times before you say something. It was clearly a great shock, and I can understand how, the first time, you might go away sort of shaking your head and wondering if he did what you thought. When it became clear, you were swiftly in action, dealing with it very well, apprising the appropriate individuals, and taking care of business--wow, do I admire you for the way you handled everything.
Even though you may FEEL awful, and it brought back sad memories, you really moved in to protect yourself; a huge sign of mental health and self-love. Finally, somebody (you) stepped in and did not let someone else continue to scare you, touch you, hurt you. Your parents should have done that for you as a little girl--without exception, no excuses.
Hmmm, I seem to be rambling. I want you to know that you don't control anyone's behavior; nor does the way you dress. If you had control, I'm sure you would make people feel good and behave in an honorable way, and express affection appropriately. Not the opposite.
No matter the age, mental state, stress level, whatever, nobody has the right to touch you uninvited, period, no exceptions.
Take good care. I'm wishing you peace.
Shar
poster:shar
thread:42604
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42700.html