Posted by Barb on September 11, 1999, at 10:08:22
In reply to Re: Depression and Relationships, posted by roo on September 10, 1999, at 14:17:31
> You call THAT Beaver Cleaverish! Honey, Post Traumatic Stess Disorder wouldn't be surprising in your case! Even a brief episode in the great vast scheme of your childhood can bring on severe emotional and relational reactions in some (most) people. And from your description you suffered some serious abuses, even if it was unintentional on your parents part. You were their number one responsibility and failed you on several fronts when you were most vulnerable and needy.
I am not saying they are hateful people deserving of hate or retribution. Possibly mentally ill in some way themselves. But I feel to find real COMPLETE healing, the complete TRUTH needs to be looked at objectively.Then, since it was your experience it can become very subjective, causing a lot of repressed emotion to surface or terrifying childhood memories to come into light.
I repeat, I don't believe anyone is out of the scope of forgiveness, and blame is certainly not the answer. But how can hurting adults become whole without looking at some of the root causes?
I am sorry for you, and I hope you can find forgiveness ("They know not what they do"), and healing of hurt memories. I know from personal experience that hurts heal, usually leave scars, but don't have to retraumatize us throughout our adult lives. Keep searching for all the peace you can find. God Bless!
Bob,
>
> That's really terrible about what happened in your
> family. I've thought about it a lot. The image of
> your father and brother hanging onto the side of the
> boat...damn. And then your mother's grief focused into
> blaming... I am sorry you had to go through that. I'm
> glad you're fighting the Perfectionism Demon with some
> success.
>
> Someone mentioned being curious about childhood. Mine
> was mostly Beaver Cleaver, relatively stable. Although
> there was a very unstable/neglectful period for me
> at what was probably a formative time--years 2 through
> 4. My family was in a religious commune, the kids lived
> separately from the family. I was sent off to "camp"
> when I was 3 years old for a month. I was really neglected
> there, came back with pink eye and covered in infected
> bites. I remember sleeping in my urine saturated sleeping
> bag, and feces everywhere too. I remember during this
> time period both my father and sister caught hepatitus.
> Didn't get much attention
> from my parents during those years, and taking care of the
> kids was considered a lowly job on the totem pole for the
> other folks in the commune, so we kids
> didn't exactly get treated with warmth. I think we were
> treated like we were a pain in the ass. Now it's often easy
> for me to feel that way--Like I'm a burden and a pain in
> the ass. I feel guilty anytime I have needs...
>
> My parents are good, supportive people, and I believe
> they thought they were trying to do some good in the
> world in a tough time--this was the 60's and 70's, and
> part of the mission of this commune was to help rebuild
> the inner city. Unfortunately, it wasn't so great for
> us.
>
> I think that may have contributed to my depression.
> I'm not sure. My dad also has depression and attempted
> suicide before I was born..so it could also be
> heriditary...although like Janice, it seems to have
> effected me more than my sisters who are busy with
> kids...
poster:Barb
thread:11168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990829/msgs/11406.html