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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:07:24
I was putting some stuff in writing to give to my new T. Because it covered the timeframe which included the rape, I told him about the appointment where my ex-T took the personal phone call. Keeping in mind that they work together, that their offices are across from one another, and I don't know if they're peers or one is the others boss. I don't want my ex-T to get into ANY trouble, and I don't want to be dumped for any reason, is there any chance that I'm risking either of those by saying this to him? I like the ex-T, he's not a bad guy, he actually did me a lot of good. I like the new T a lot and don't want him to terminate me. My T does know the ex-T took two personal calls during appts., but he doesn't know the content of what was being discussed during those appts.
This is what I said:
"I told (ex-T's name) just a little of this, but my perception was that he didn’t want to hear some of it. The appointment where he took the personal phone call was when I told him I was raped in high school. It was a leap of faith to try to talk about it, and he wasn’t fully present. (Just an aside: my oldest daughter is a freshman in hs and recently attended her first hs football game.) I’ve given the basics of what happened, but I don’t want to go into it, it just wasn’t helpful. I’ve never told anyone the details, not even my husband, and I really don’t want to go into it."
Then I went on and talked about what happened between the ages of 15-17.
any thoughts?
thanks,
fw
Posted by daisym on September 4, 2005, at 22:33:22
In reply to I put this in writing ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:07:24
I think what you wrote was fine. It seems that the x-Therapist issue needs to be sorted out or you will always be worrying about what you say and how it will effect you. I don't think this is a good way to start with this new person. If it was me, I think I'd address it directly - ask who is in charge of who and what might happen, etc. Better to know now, up front, so you know what to expect.
Talking about the rape is very hard and you need to feel really safe to get into it. Take it slow and don't push to hard. Don't underestimate what your daughter going to school will call up in you. This is how I found myself in therapy...triggered by kid stuff.
I think you are very brave.
Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:46:37
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by daisym on September 4, 2005, at 22:33:22
thanks daisy,
i didn't think about asking who's in charge etc... he's really good, i like him. i think if he wants to keep working with me, he won't ask me to go into stuff too fast. i do worry about his reaction to the phone call thing though. my husband seemed to think it was okay to say too, so i guess it will be okay. what a mess!
i know the reason i felt i had to talk about the rape was because my daughter was going into hs. there was an urgency to it for me, even though i didn't feel safe with him.
last week i had my daughter try on my first formal dress, it fit her perfectly. she's exactly the same size i was then, after she tried it on, i went upstairs, cried my eyes out, and i ripped it up. i had been waiting all these years to see it on her, she didn't want to try it on, she complained, and it hurt my feelings, then i realized that time sucked so much anyway, so i ripped the damed thing into shreads!
fw
Posted by happyflower on September 4, 2005, at 22:46:41
In reply to I put this in writing ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:07:24
Hi Jazzy!
I think it is good you are writing about what is bothering you. It seems to really help you sort all of this stuff out.
I would tell you new T about your old T, or he will haunt you forever I think. I am so happy you are doing great with your new T! WHHEEWWW! ( I am relieved) LOL By the way I agree with everyone that are telling you to take it SLOW! You are doing great! :)
Posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 4:29:13
In reply to I put this in writing ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:07:24
> Just an aside: my oldest daughter is a freshman in hs and recently attended her first hs football game
oh
(((((fw)))))
i'm so sorry...
that makes a lot more sense of what we were talking about over on parents. i'm sorry... i wouldn't have said what i did if i had known that. really. this must be a pretty hard time for you.i wouldn't worry about talking about your old t. really. i'd maybe suggest being a little careful if you hated his guts or thought he was thoroughly incompetent or something like that. but it is okay to talk about your perception. and the fact is that you took a huge risk and opened up about something that was really important and really hard for you to talk about and his reaction hurt you. and so it would be good to process that. and you need some kind of reassurance that that isn't going to happen again.
you really are very brave to be doing this
:-)and it is going to help your relationship with your daughter.
Posted by fairywings on September 7, 2005, at 5:09:43
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 4:29:13
> oh
> (((((fw)))))
> i'm so sorry...Thanks Alex, you're so sweet and thoughtful! ; )
>>i'm sorry... i wouldn't have said what i did if i had known that. really. this must be a pretty hard time for you.
i don't remember what you said! i'll have to go check it out! ; ) i'm sure u never said anything that would offend me! it's okay, it was just the time b4 she went to school. she's doing beautifully and made it through that game. her bf is a 3rd degree black belt, i'm hoping he can go to ALL the games with her but he goes to a rival school. he went to her game and wore her colors though! i LOVE him!
I didn't hate the old T or anything, just think he should stick to CBT. i really didn't think i would have ever felt comfortable telling him some of the things i've already told the new T.
The only thing i decided to say is that the old T was "more helpful with current issues, and the appt. where he took the pers. phone call was when i told him i'd been raped in h.s., and that it was a leap of faith for me to try to talk about it because i didn't know him well but i had to talk to someone and i knew the timing was no accident because my daughter just started her frosh yr in h.s and just went to her 1st h.s football game.......i told him i have never discussed it much, not even with my husband, and i really would rather keep it that way."
thanks alex, i appreciate what you've said. i'm not sure if we'll get into it this week or not. the content gets so messy once we get into this part that i don't know if it would be a good idea or if we should hang around childhood for awhile, it's safer! ; )
fw
Posted by terrics on September 8, 2005, at 9:50:13
In reply to I put this in writing ***trigger***, posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:07:24
Hi fw,
I think what you wrote was a VERY good idea. It was unbelievably rude of your ex-T. to do that. terrics
Posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 10:24:53
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by terrics on September 8, 2005, at 9:50:13
I know it was, I actually went back and ammended it even further though because it's not my intention to get him in trouble, I just don't want to discuss it, at least not now. Actually, it's funny, after writing about the worst part of my life, I'm not fully sure I want to do therapy. It make me want to vomit, and I'm not sure I really want to rehash all of it.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 23:26:07
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » terrics, posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 10:24:53
Oh sweetie. I'm sorry this is such a hard issue and circumstance for you.
I can kind of relate to the not wanting to get someone in trouble or influence another's opinion about your ex-T. It took a long time for me to mention the name of someone I had bad experiences with to my T because I was afraid he knew the person. I didn't want to influence his opinion. But I eventually realized that his opinion of her, if he knew her, was his own, and it was up to him to take in the new information and manage it.
Do you suppose there is a way to talk about it without really saying what you were talking about at the time? Could you just say it was a very hard, very painful topic...a time when you really needed him to be fully present, and he let you down?
(((fairywings)))
gg
Posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 7:46:05
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 23:26:07
Hi gg,
thanks, actually we talked about it last night, and it turned out to be kind of funny for me. he asked me what I thought of him taking a phone call during the appt. when i told him about being raped, and I said, "you know, i thought sometimes he could be kind of a bozo!" and i laughed. he didn't seem upset or annoyed or anything, he just smiled, and then we talked about the issue itself, not the ex T, so it worked out, and the session was great, I really like him a lot.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on September 9, 2005, at 10:58:53
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » gardenergirl, posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 7:46:05
Sounds like you both handled it very well.
Glad to hear it.
gg
Posted by terrics on September 9, 2005, at 12:10:48
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » terrics, posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 10:24:53
Hi fw,
This is really not my business and don't ans. if it is too uncomfortable. I was raped by someone I knew which is not as bad as being raped by someone you don't know, but I vomited afterward. The rape was not a major trauma in my life because I knew him. This is silly but you used the word vomit. Is that one of the things that happened after the rape? I know it is a shallow question. So definetly don't ans. I like communicating with you so I do not want to ruin that. terrics
Posted by daisym on September 9, 2005, at 13:12:24
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by terrics on September 9, 2005, at 12:10:48
Hey Terrics,
I know this is different, but when I first told my therapist about being sexual molested as a child, I left his office and immediately threw up. And I'd barely said, "my dad touched me inappropriately."
His interpretation was that the emotions were so overwhelming that I was literally spilling my guts, feeling sick inside with fear about this stuff. Perhaps it is more common than we think.
I hope you don't mind me butting in.
Posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:15:27
In reply to That's great! » fairywings, posted by gardenergirl on September 9, 2005, at 10:58:53
Thanks gg,
i'm SO glad i switched to this guy. i was thinking "great style he's got going there, actually being NICE to the client! what a concept! now THAT might just work!" LOL
fw
Posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:29:07
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » fairywings, posted by terrics on September 9, 2005, at 12:10:48
Hi terrics,which post are you referring to when i used the word "vomit"? i'm sure i've used it several times. when i was raped, it was by people i went to school with, but didn't know well. they seem to feel they had some sort of a vendetta against our group, and i just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was a major trauma because of how it happened. at the time, i felt as if i was going to vomit, for several reasons. afterwards, the comments my mom made had me feeling like i was going to vomit, you know the priceless kind.
now, when i smell alcohol on someones breath, i feel like i could vomit. when i think of it sometimes i feel that way, or when i think i might have to talk about it i feel that way. so there are several reasons i use the word, i guess i get that "feeling" a lot.
fw
Posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:31:41
In reply to Re: I put this in writing ***trigger*** » terrics, posted by daisym on September 9, 2005, at 13:12:24
omgosh! terrics how terrible for you, i'm so sorry! your own father?! no wonder you spilled your guts. how awful!
((((hugs))))
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2005, at 8:05:30
In reply to Re: That's great! » gardenergirl, posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:15:27
This is the end of the thread.
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