![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by chemist on May 11, 2005, at 19:52:31
In reply to Re: ...but look at the bright side... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 11, 2005, at 18:33:05
> ... fortunately, Oracle is one of those beasts I have tamed quite well and thus enjoy frolicking with (perhaps not the best term).
>
%%% not a bad habit... %%%> So it's day six, and I'm hoping to improve soon, but I still feel physically and mentally ill, and decidedly less than bright. In fact, I fell less alert today than I did a few days ago, so I hope my cognition is not on the decline. I'll trust you when you said it's not, and that these drugs didn't kickstart a dive into further depressive horrors!
%%% if it proves otherwise, you would be an exception to a rather common rule...%%%
>
> The plight of the gifted is that it's shocking when one actually has to apply oneself to a task, as I'm sure you're aware.
>
%%% i am gifted at the art of avoiding undertaking tasks, that is certain...%%%> I need to give myself more credit. I hope, that is, that one night of ketamine and heavy cocaine (followed a few days after by a couple glasses of wine; yes, I was bad) won't have taken away years of learning /how/ to learn and inherently knowing /how/ to process and categorize information.
>
%%% it would be rather surprising to me if it did. then again, there is apoptosis...%%%> It's the executive functions I fear losing most. And my job. I am accustomed to a steady income and being broke -- isn't that the curse of bipolar. Not two dozen snake-bite kits: my conpulsive spending is on books and CD's. But obviously, I'd be homeless without my job.
%%% i must be unipolar, as being broke has been the theme for my whole life, and i took a vow of poverty in my chosen path: yet i have very, very few possessions, and do not yearn for any, or buy much at all...perhaps the compulsions never developed because the means were never in place...a cure? %%%
>
> So that's scaring me to death right now. I'm afraid to pick up a book for fear I'll be unable to read it (and thus from a guy who loves to read). So you can imagine how this affects me given the stresses of the office.%%% nope, office life has been avoided at all costs, by mutual agreement...besides, i do not own a tie or a jacket. or a wristwatch...but i imagine the stressors are severe, and the northeast is not known for being a relaxed kind of place...%%%
>
> So, again, I hope this passes soon.
>
> amd%%% of course it will. give it time....yours, c %%%
Posted by AMD on May 12, 2005, at 17:46:10
In reply to Re: ... » AMD, posted by chemist on May 11, 2005, at 19:52:31
Update: I am feeling measurably better today, so perhaps these toxins are exiting my system (finally).
Next: do something intellectual (Oracle data warehousing, calculus, Doestoevsky), and stimulating (video games).
It's as if I need a daily metric to measure the level of cognition I have for the day.
I wear sweats and a t-shirt most days (easier to go to the gym with), rarely get to the office before noon, and have a relaxed work atmosphere. But none of this matters if I can't concentrate on the work to begin with, hence the stress.
I, too, live a spartan lifestyle. I think that's because I spend far too much money on books, food, and New York outings than I do on possessions like, you know, a TV or a couch.
Thanks chemist, as usual, for your insights and support.
Notice I've regressed to quoteless reply, as I ran out of text delimiters. ;)
SQL> insert into dual values ( 'Y' );
amd
Posted by chemist on May 15, 2005, at 2:54:16
In reply to Re: ... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 12, 2005, at 17:46:10
hello amd, apologies (a common opener from me, sadly) for the hour and time span...i am glad to hear you are getting back on track, as it were...perhaps a journal - a mood journal, and there are some very helpful folks who i am sure would offer the procedure to be found, well, pretty much in any person other than myself, as i am not very good at keeping those records (how's that for a really lame offering from me???) - would be of help in identifying trouble spots/areas???...social would be my first stop...and now that the toxins are gone, how's about the conscience??? that seems to be the thorn in your side....be well, yours, c
> Update: I am feeling measurably better today, so perhaps these toxins are exiting my system (finally).
>
> Next: do something intellectual (Oracle data warehousing, calculus, Doestoevsky), and stimulating (video games).
>
> It's as if I need a daily metric to measure the level of cognition I have for the day.
>
> I wear sweats and a t-shirt most days (easier to go to the gym with), rarely get to the office before noon, and have a relaxed work atmosphere. But none of this matters if I can't concentrate on the work to begin with, hence the stress.
>
> I, too, live a spartan lifestyle. I think that's because I spend far too much money on books, food, and New York outings than I do on possessions like, you know, a TV or a couch.
>
> Thanks chemist, as usual, for your insights and support.
>
> Notice I've regressed to quoteless reply, as I ran out of text delimiters. ;)
>
> SQL> insert into dual values ( 'Y' );
>
> amd
Posted by chemist on May 15, 2005, at 18:37:36
In reply to Re: ...but look at the bright side... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 11, 2005, at 18:33:05
> It's the executive functions I fear losing most. And my job. I am accustomed to a steady income and being broke -- isn't that the curse of bipolar. Not two dozen snake-bite kits: my conpulsive spending is on books and CD's. But obviously, I'd be homeless without my job.
>
hello there, amd...it took a few days and a daydream to realize that you slipped one past me, not a difficult task, really...but the reference to goodwin and jamison is very nicely couched, indeed: more proof that reading is a must...best, chemist
Posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:33:38
In reply to Re: ... » AMD, posted by chemist on May 15, 2005, at 2:54:16
No sooner am I feeling better than I'm out drinking and "drugging," as the NA'ers so lovingly call it, again. From Thursday night until 3 p.m. the day after. And then going to the office Friday, smelling of alcohol, before realizing -- hmm, perhaps that's not the best idea.
This was Thursday night, and now it's Sunday, and yet, unlike any time before, *I still feel high*. Not high, "cocaine high," but high "Ican'tseemtotypefastenoughandmythoughtsarenotclear " high.
I don't see how this could possibly be the cocaine from the other night -- it's been, what, ~57 hours? I can't even add. What did I do to myself? For the first time in my life I literally feel like I am going crazy.
And I read these messages and want to cry, because you guys have been so supportive, and I have been nothing but a complete and utter failure.
This is either:
a) serious alcohol withdrawal-related dementia;
b) cocaine psychosis;
c) a full-blown manic episode;
d) something too terrible to write down.
Everything I've written in the past two months feels like a cakewalk compared to this. What is going on? Help!
amd
Posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:37:12
In reply to memory still working, it appears... » AMD, posted by chemist on May 15, 2005, at 18:37:36
>
> hello there, amd...it took a few days and a daydream to realize that you slipped one past me, not a difficult task, really...but the reference to goodwin and jamison is very nicely couched, indeed: more proof that reading is a must...best, chemistGood catch! I culled it from Jamison's "An Unquiet Mind," something I seem to be experiencing right now, in fact. I can type, I can "seem" to be with it (why did I do a double-take on the word 'seem'?), perhaps, in my replies. But I feel non-functional and unable to focus on a single thing. Word recall is just the beginning.
I am almost ready to go the emergency room. What did I do? :-(
Posted by chemist on May 16, 2005, at 0:42:10
In reply to HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » chemist, posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:33:38
> No sooner am I feeling better than I'm out drinking and "drugging," as the NA'ers so lovingly call it, again. From Thursday night until 3 p.m. the day after. And then going to the office Friday, smelling of alcohol, before realizing -- hmm, perhaps that's not the best idea.
>**** hi amd, perhaps a trip to the ER is appropriate, if your subject line is any indicator...it sounds like you had a big night out..*****
> This was Thursday night, and now it's Sunday, and yet, unlike any time before, *I still feel high*. Not high, "cocaine high," but high "Ican'tseemtotypefastenoughandmythoughtsarenotclear " high.
>
> I don't see how this could possibly be the cocaine from the other night -- it's been, what, ~57 hours? I can't even add. What did I do to myself? For the first time in my life I literally feel like I am going crazy.
>
**** well, you took a lot of chemicals and mixed them and drank...and on top of the meds you are prescribed, not a favorable combo, in my opinion ****> And I read these messages and want to cry, because you guys have been so supportive, and I have been nothing but a complete and utter failure.
>
**** you have been trying to get your head on straight, i think, and it is not an overnight process: i feel saddened for you, as it appears that you triggered in yourself the feelings of guilt and remorse and panic, but i would not lable you a failure: that is a bit extreme and out of line...who am i to judge?****> This is either:
>
> a) serious alcohol withdrawal-related dementia;
>
> b) cocaine psychosis;
>
> c) a full-blown manic episode;
>
> d) something too terrible to write down.
>
> Everything I've written in the past two months feels like a cakewalk compared to this. What is going on? Help!
>
> amd
>
>
*** here is what's going on, because you ask: you are mixing alcohol, cocaine, and (? three?) prescription medications on what appears to be a more than very irregular basis, and you feel lousy for days afterwards. that's the long and short of it, really....yours, chemist *****
Posted by chemist on May 16, 2005, at 0:45:02
In reply to Re: memory still working, it appears... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:37:12
> >
> > hello there, amd...it took a few days and a daydream to realize that you slipped one past me, not a difficult task, really...but the reference to goodwin and jamison is very nicely couched, indeed: more proof that reading is a must...best, chemist
>
> Good catch! I culled it from Jamison's "An Unquiet Mind," something I seem to be experiencing right now, in fact. I can type, I can "seem" to be with it (why did I do a double-take on the word 'seem'?), perhaps, in my replies. But I feel non-functional and unable to focus on a single thing. Word recall is just the beginning.
>
> I am almost ready to go the emergency room. What did I do? :-(
>*** you did something you keep doing and are feeling bad about it. by all means, go to the ER: you need to get a clean bill of health or be advised if any problems that are lurking need be addressed....yours, chemist****
Posted by AMD on May 16, 2005, at 2:16:00
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » AMD, posted by chemist on May 16, 2005, at 0:42:10
> **** hi amd, perhaps a trip to the ER is appropriate, if your subject line is any indicator...it sounds like you had a big night out..*****
I think I will call my doctor in the morning and see what she thinks. I am feeling a bit more mellow (if one can use the word "mellow" in this state) than I was a few hours ago, which is good. And yes, mixing Lamictal, Celexa, Geodon, Seroquel, cocaine, alcohol, and cigarettes in such a small period of time is a recipe for disaster.
I've never felt "wired" for this long, though. I wonder if that is more a result of Geodon's extrapyramidal symptoms than the cocaine withdrawal. Or perhaps the cocaine was cut with methamphetamine, although, this being New York, I wouldn't normally expect that.
I'm just having a tough time of it, but to a degree I've never before experienced. The calmness of your reply, at least, will help keep me grounded.
I need a full physical, that's for sure. Who knows what damage I've done to my liver in these three months? Let alone my nose and heart.
> **** you have been trying to get your head on straight, i think, and it is not an overnight process: i feel saddened for you, as it appears that you triggered in yourself the feelings of guilt and remorse and panic, but i would not lable you a failure: that is a bit extreme and out of line...who am i to judge?****
>You're probably right -- but I certainly don't want to die because of this (knock on wood). And I'm afraid I'm on a slippery slope down that path (if not already there). I just hope I can pull myself out of this via N.A. meetings and the support of friends and family.
> >
> *** here is what's going on, because you ask: you are mixing alcohol, cocaine, and (? three?) prescription medications on what appears to be a more than very irregular basis, and you feel lousy for days afterwards. that's the long and short of it, really....yours, chemist *****I'll check back in in a week and let you know how I'm doing, as the questions that accompany these daily ups-and-downs are more exhausting for you than you deserve.
Thanks chemist,
amd
Posted by AMD on May 16, 2005, at 19:12:55
In reply to A *little* calmer... but... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 16, 2005, at 2:16:00
I'm back early. With questions.
Am I doomed to get Parkinson's disease now that I've done the cocaine and one-time methamphetamine (if that's what it was). Also, is it too late to get tested to see if I /did/ take crystal? And if not via urine, what about a hair sample? Where could I get this done, how long does it take, and how accurate are the results?
Thanks,
amd
Posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 11:31:45
In reply to A *little* calmer... but... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 16, 2005, at 2:16:00
For what my opinion's worth.
You seem to be going up and down, back and forth with blinding speed, and it's getting quicker, not slower. You hate what you are doing, but don't seem to be able to stop. Each trip out convinces you that you have done some type of severe damage to your body.
One of two things seem to be likely - either you no longer have control over what you do or you are actually intending to do harm to yourself.
If the first is true, please check yourself into rehab. It sounds like controlled detox is in order, and the folks in hospital will at least give you rudimentary skills to go forward.
Following that with intensive outpatient therapy will help round out the toolbox.
I've done it. It didn't hurt and I'm still dry 2 years later.
Posted by sunny10 on May 17, 2005, at 14:51:54
In reply to Re: A *little* calmer... but... » AMD, posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 11:31:45
as a "not whole" "euphoriaphobe", my opinion is that what AuntieMel said is spot on.
Actually, with one amendment. Whether you are out of control OR out to hurt yourself, it is time to bring in some outside professional help for yourself.
What kind of life is it if you hate yourself or scare yourself for five out of every seven days?
Can you still even calling it "getting high"? It has been sounding to me lately like you having been "getting low"...
If I really thought you were enjoying yourself, I wouldn't say anything at all to censor your activities.
Worried about you,
sunny10
Posted by AMD on May 17, 2005, at 18:35:44
In reply to Re: A *little* calmer... but..., posted by sunny10 on May 17, 2005, at 14:51:54
Good input, you two.
It's definitely a problem -- but the scary thing is, it's almost like it's someone else who takes control of my body once I've had a drink. I don't even /want/ to do the drugs. I don't like them, not even while I'm doing them. But something grabs hold of me ... and I do too much. Next thing I know, I'm down and out for a week.
This is day four, and I feel unable to focus. My head is spinning. I'm sniffing like crazy -- I hope that will heal itself, at least. And worse, and I haven't been to the gym in the entire four days.
Listen to me ... I'm not making any sense. Shouldn't I be /improving/ in my symptoms, not heading in the opposite direction?
amd
Posted by chemist on May 17, 2005, at 21:29:45
In reply to Re: A *little* calmer... but..., posted by AMD on May 17, 2005, at 18:35:44
hello there, amd...in addition to what i opine to be very wise words from mel and sunny...the mention - again - of the ``first drink'' hints, to me, that the problem lies with alcohol primarily...again, i am not a person who has felt the tug of addiction: i know that some people can ``just stop'' drinking, and for others, it is a different story.
if you can head off the booze, then perhaps the rest is just academic, as the urge is not acted upon...in any event, my present addiction/obsession with work means longs hours, little sleep, and forgetting about the bills, phone calls, etc. until now...back in a few (days) when things are sorted....be well, yours, c
> Good input, you two.
>
> It's definitely a problem -- but the scary thing is, it's almost like it's someone else who takes control of my body once I've had a drink. I don't even /want/ to do the drugs. I don't like them, not even while I'm doing them. But something grabs hold of me ... and I do too much. Next thing I know, I'm down and out for a week.
>
> This is day four, and I feel unable to focus. My head is spinning. I'm sniffing like crazy -- I hope that will heal itself, at least. And worse, and I haven't been to the gym in the entire four days.
>
> Listen to me ... I'm not making any sense. Shouldn't I be /improving/ in my symptoms, not heading in the opposite direction?
>
> amd
>
>
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 18, 2005, at 0:02:21
In reply to Re: memory still working, it appears... » chemist, posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:37:12
> I culled it from Jamison's "An Unquiet Mind"
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book, movie, or music without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by 4WD on May 19, 2005, at 21:53:16
In reply to HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » chemist, posted by AMD on May 15, 2005, at 23:33:38
> No sooner am I feeling better than I'm out drinking and "drugging," as the NA'ers so lovingly call it, again. From Thursday night until 3 p.m. the day after. And then going to the office Friday, smelling of alcohol, before realizing -- hmm, perhaps that's not the best idea.
>
> This was Thursday night, and now it's Sunday, and yet, unlike any time before, *I still feel high*. Not high, "cocaine high," but high "Ican'tseemtotypefastenoughandmythoughtsarenotclear " high.
>
> I don't see how this could possibly be the cocaine from the other night -- it's been, what, ~57 hours? I can't even add. What did I do to myself? For the first time in my life I literally feel like I am going crazy.
>
> And I read these messages and want to cry, because you guys have been so supportive, and I have been nothing but a complete and utter failure.
>
> This is either:
>
> a) serious alcohol withdrawal-related dementia;
>
> b) cocaine psychosis;
>
> c) a full-blown manic episode;
>
> d) something too terrible to write down.
>
> Everything I've written in the past two months feels like a cakewalk compared to this. What is going on? Help!
>
> amd
>AMD,
My heart is with you. I just started NA meetings two months ago. I started because of the psychiatric consequences of my drug abuse. The drugs were still fun; the consequences became more serious every time out.
If you want to talk via posting or Babblemail, I'd be glad to. I hope I can be of help.
Marsha
Posted by AuntieMel on May 20, 2005, at 13:55:57
In reply to Re: A *little* calmer... but... » AMD, posted by chemist on May 17, 2005, at 21:29:45
Actually if there is addiction to any substance it is better to stay away from *all* mood altering substances.
An example would be a guy that went through IOP with me. His addiction (drug of choice) is crack. He was doing really, really well - had about 3 months sober, was allowed to see his kids again, job was going great, etc.
Somehow (although warned!) he convinced himself that a glass of wine with dinner at night would be ok because it isn't his drug of choice.
The wine made him feel just good enough that the crack called him. And the wine lowered his will power. Last I heard he was out on the street, lost his job - the whole picture.
Posted by 4WD on May 20, 2005, at 14:58:02
In reply to Re: drug of choice » chemist, posted by AuntieMel on May 20, 2005, at 13:55:57
> Actually if there is addiction to any substance it is better to stay away from *all* mood altering substances.
>
> An example would be a guy that went through IOP with me. His addiction (drug of choice) is crack. He was doing really, really well - had about 3 months sober, was allowed to see his kids again, job was going great, etc.
>
> Somehow (although warned!) he convinced himself that a glass of wine with dinner at night would be ok because it isn't his drug of choice.
>
> The wine made him feel just good enough that the crack called him. And the wine lowered his will power. Last I heard he was out on the street, lost his job - the whole picture.Auntie Mel,
Do you think this includes psychiatric drugs? Especially benzodiazepines for people with anxiety disorders? I've been struggling with this issue.
Marsha
Posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 1:51:38
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » AMD, posted by 4WD on May 19, 2005, at 21:53:16
>
> My heart is with you. I just started NA meetings two months ago. I started because of the psychiatric consequences of my drug abuse. The drugs were still fun; the consequences became more serious every time out.
\Marsha,
I appreciate your words.
Well -- I did it again Wednesday.
I have NO CONTROL over alcohol. NO. CONTROL.
It's like clockwork for me: go out drinking, get hammered, forget consequences of drugs, do drugs, black out (this time I believe I ended up at my house not once, but with sets of people, and I have /no idea/ how the second pair of folks got there, nor who they were); wake up feeling guilty, nervous, anxious; miss work; feel more guilty; start to feel a bit better; repeat.
Unfortunately, now my job is in jeopardy, so I'm moving back to Calfornia where I was sober for two years. Maybe I'm running, yes, but it's easier to fight this around friends and family, rather than holed up in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in the East Village (itself a drug haven).
Right now I'm feeling very woozy headed: I guess I can concentrate, but I feel like I'm "in space," if that makes sense. I hope I shake this soon.
Worse, apparently I turned my roommate's room into ramshackled state ... I have no idea what happen. I blacked out.
Larry, chemist, if you're listening. How fried my brain is after this, and how long does it take the brain to heal? Days? Weeks? Years? How will I know /when/ it's healed? What does a black out mean, and does it mean I lost all other kinds of memories, too? Like, will I go to call someone I know well and blank out on her number? I couldn't remember my credit card just now, and it's usually a number I can't forget. Will this ability come back?
What about generating new memories and learning new things, about planning and execution of tasks: how damaging is alcohol to these things over three months? Enough to cause lifelong, permanent memory and attention loss? :-(
My doctor started me on Zyprexa, and I think it's working a little. (I've taken only one, but "Revenge of the Sith" tolerable.) But I suppose I'll need to wait a few more days until I'm able to objectively assess my mood.
amd
Posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 1:54:42
In reply to Re: drug of choice » chemist, posted by AuntieMel on May 20, 2005, at 13:55:57
That is so sad to hear, AuntieMel.
It's times like these, when I wake up knowing I've missed work, knowing I'm spending on drink and drugs spending money I don't have ... well, it's times like these that scare the hell out of me. I can't afford to lose my job or my family (and thank God for both).
I hope I can pull through this. And I hope your friend gets help, too.
amd
Posted by chemist on May 21, 2005, at 10:54:00
In reply to Re: double double quotes » AMD, posted by Dr. Bob on May 18, 2005, at 0:02:21
hello dr. bob, i owe your site more than one double-double quote....apologies for my laziness and thank you for indulging...i am uncertain about amazon's traffic in merck manuals/indexes and, for instance, Goodwin and Jamison's text but will endeavour in the future...yours, chemist
> I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
>
> The first time anyone refers to a book, movie, or music without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
>
> Thanks!
>
> Bob
Posted by chemist on May 21, 2005, at 10:57:44
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » 4WD, posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 1:51:38
hello amd, sorry to hear what has been afoot....i am away from the terminal for a spell, i cannot think of better advice concerning what you need to do than that emanating from others more sage than i in this matter.....it does sound like the trigger has been identified to be none other than ethanol (????)...more later, please be well, yours, c
Posted by 4WD on May 21, 2005, at 14:08:25
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » 4WD, posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 1:51:38
> >
> > My heart is with you. I just started NA meetings two months ago. I started because of the psychiatric consequences of my drug abuse. The drugs were still fun; the consequences became more serious every time out.
> \
>
> Marsha,
>
> I appreciate your words.
>
> Well -- I did it again Wednesday.
>
> I have NO CONTROL over alcohol. NO. CONTROL.
>
> It's like clockwork for me: go out drinking, get hammered, forget consequences of drugs, do drugs, black out (this time I believe I ended up at my house not once, but with sets of people, and I have /no idea/ how the second pair of folks got there, nor who they were); wake up feeling guilty, nervous, anxious; miss work; feel more guilty; start to feel a bit better; repeat.
>
> Unfortunately, now my job is in jeopardy, so I'm moving back to Calfornia where I was sober for two years. Maybe I'm running, yes, but it's easier to fight this around friends and family, rather than holed up in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in the East Village (itself a drug haven).
>
> Right now I'm feeling very woozy headed: I guess I can concentrate, but I feel like I'm "in space," if that makes sense. I hope I shake this soon.
>
> Worse, apparently I turned my roommate's room into ramshackled state ... I have no idea what happen. I blacked out.
>
> Larry, chemist, if you're listening. How fried my brain is after this, and how long does it take the brain to heal? Days? Weeks? Years? How will I know /when/ it's healed? What does a black out mean, and does it mean I lost all other kinds of memories, too? Like, will I go to call someone I know well and blank out on her number? I couldn't remember my credit card just now, and it's usually a number I can't forget. Will this ability come back?
>
> What about generating new memories and learning new things, about planning and execution of tasks: how damaging is alcohol to these things over three months? Enough to cause lifelong, permanent memory and attention loss? :-(
>
> My doctor started me on Zyprexa, and I think it's working a little. (I've taken only one, but "Revenge of the Sith" tolerable.) But I suppose I'll need to wait a few more days until I'm able to objectively assess my mood.
>
> amd
>AMD,
I have little personal experience with alcohol abuse. But my husband is an alcoholic who no longer drinks. He has done all the things you talked about. When he quit several years ago he improved mentally and physically quite rapidly. I think it took about three months before he felt like himself again. He has no permanent memory loss etc.
From NA meetings, I know a lot of people who used to drink to the point of almost dying. They DID recover. And you can too. The danger is that you might push it to a point where you can't get back. Especially since drugs are a big part of the picture. Please don't let it get to a point where you are unable to seek help. Right now you still have the ability to ask for help and to accept it.
Good luck in California. You are in New York? Do you know Stacy Horn? She's the founder of Echo, an online BBS mostly comprising New Yorkers. It's sort of like The Well on the West Coast.
Anyway, my prayers will be with you. Hope that doesn't offend.
Marsha
Posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 21:57:47
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL!, posted by 4WD on May 21, 2005, at 14:08:25
.Echo. has been around for awhile now, hasn't it? If I recall correctly it was a forerunner of the Web in the latter's infancy.
So ... I am feeling a tad better, but it doesn't help that I feel spaced out. Is it possible this is a side-effect not of the withdrawal but of a stroke from the cocaine? All I know is I passed out from drinking and the cocaine, and I'm worried this wasn't an alcohol pass-out but rather that I've given myself a stroke.
How likely is that, anyhow, a stroke induced my cocaine, for a relatively health guy who runs often, has a resting pulse rate that hovers between 60 and 70, and has low cholesterol (both good and bad)?
I seem to have glazed over eyes -- would that be indicative of a stroke? Or meds, perhaps? In any case, would this pass?
I also feel a slight affect, the feeling of being removed from myself.
I just solved a very simple integral equation
/ 3
| (x+2)^3 dx
/ 0just to see if I still had basic mathmatical functions, and they seem to be there, but I'm having a hard time thinking clearly and planning tasks.
Perhaps this is the Zyprexa, this spaced out feeling. I'm full of worry and dread now. :-(
am-am-am-am-am-amd (<-- record skipping)
Posted by 4WD on May 21, 2005, at 22:53:47
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL!, posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 21:57:47
> .Echo. has been around for awhile now, hasn't it? If I recall correctly it was a forerunner of the Web in the latter's infancy.
Yeah, it's still basically text-based. I was a member for a while. It's a nice community.
> So ... I am feeling a tad better, but it doesn't help that I feel spaced out. Is it possible this is a side-effect not of the withdrawal but of a stroke from the cocaine? All I know is I passed out from drinking and the cocaine, and I'm worried this wasn't an alcohol pass-out but rather that I've given myself a stroke.I don't know if you've had a stroke (-- I'm not a doctor and I don't know your symptoms and if you feel you may have, then do go to an ER). I do think your brain is still in shock from the drug and alcohol use and you are suffering from med-based anxiety. When I stopped Ativan cold turkey years ago, I was quite sure I had (alternately) TB, cancer, every dread disease I had ever heard of. I think you are terrifed you've irrevocably damaged your body and your brain and are fixated on what damage you might have done.
> How likely is that, anyhow, a stroke induced my cocaine, for a relatively health guy who runs often, has a resting pulse rate that hovers between 60 and 70, and has low cholesterol (both good and bad)?
>
> I seem to have glazed over eyes -- would that be indicative of a stroke? Or meds, perhaps? In any case, would this pass?For me, it would be worth a visit to the ER or to a doctor ASAP, just to get the mental reassurance that I was physically okay. And also, if you are NOT physically okay, you need to know it. You may be reluctant to go because then you have to tell them what drugs you've taken, etc. But isn't your life more important?
> I also feel a slight affect, the feeling of being removed from myself.
>
> I just solved a very simple integral equation
>
> / 3
> | (x+2)^3 dx
> / 0
>
> just to see if I still had basic mathmatical functions, and they seem to be there, but I'm having a hard time thinking clearly and planning tasks.
>
> Perhaps this is the Zyprexa, this spaced out feeling. I'm full of worry and dread now. :-(
>
> am-am-am-am-am-amd (<-- record skipping)I understand how horrible you feel and how scared you are. I've been there. For me, it was from the drugs. To be honest with you, I think you would be very wise to get yourself to a doctor. Wouldn't it make you feel safer just to tell someone knowledgeable exactly what is going on and hear his/her opinion? You need care and help and you're asking for it here. But we're just virtual support and you need it in person from someone who can actually DO something for you.
You're obviously a very intelligent person. Give yourself a chance. Please go for a medical opinion and some help.
Marsha
This is the end of the thread.
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