Posted by 4WD on May 21, 2005, at 14:08:25
In reply to Re: HELP/URGENT! I AM OUT OF CONTROL! » 4WD, posted by AMD on May 21, 2005, at 1:51:38
> >
> > My heart is with you. I just started NA meetings two months ago. I started because of the psychiatric consequences of my drug abuse. The drugs were still fun; the consequences became more serious every time out.
> \
>
> Marsha,
>
> I appreciate your words.
>
> Well -- I did it again Wednesday.
>
> I have NO CONTROL over alcohol. NO. CONTROL.
>
> It's like clockwork for me: go out drinking, get hammered, forget consequences of drugs, do drugs, black out (this time I believe I ended up at my house not once, but with sets of people, and I have /no idea/ how the second pair of folks got there, nor who they were); wake up feeling guilty, nervous, anxious; miss work; feel more guilty; start to feel a bit better; repeat.
>
> Unfortunately, now my job is in jeopardy, so I'm moving back to Calfornia where I was sober for two years. Maybe I'm running, yes, but it's easier to fight this around friends and family, rather than holed up in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in the East Village (itself a drug haven).
>
> Right now I'm feeling very woozy headed: I guess I can concentrate, but I feel like I'm "in space," if that makes sense. I hope I shake this soon.
>
> Worse, apparently I turned my roommate's room into ramshackled state ... I have no idea what happen. I blacked out.
>
> Larry, chemist, if you're listening. How fried my brain is after this, and how long does it take the brain to heal? Days? Weeks? Years? How will I know /when/ it's healed? What does a black out mean, and does it mean I lost all other kinds of memories, too? Like, will I go to call someone I know well and blank out on her number? I couldn't remember my credit card just now, and it's usually a number I can't forget. Will this ability come back?
>
> What about generating new memories and learning new things, about planning and execution of tasks: how damaging is alcohol to these things over three months? Enough to cause lifelong, permanent memory and attention loss? :-(
>
> My doctor started me on Zyprexa, and I think it's working a little. (I've taken only one, but "Revenge of the Sith" tolerable.) But I suppose I'll need to wait a few more days until I'm able to objectively assess my mood.
>
> amd
>AMD,
I have little personal experience with alcohol abuse. But my husband is an alcoholic who no longer drinks. He has done all the things you talked about. When he quit several years ago he improved mentally and physically quite rapidly. I think it took about three months before he felt like himself again. He has no permanent memory loss etc.
From NA meetings, I know a lot of people who used to drink to the point of almost dying. They DID recover. And you can too. The danger is that you might push it to a point where you can't get back. Especially since drugs are a big part of the picture. Please don't let it get to a point where you are unable to seek help. Right now you still have the ability to ask for help and to accept it.
Good luck in California. You are in New York? Do you know Stacy Horn? She's the founder of Echo, an online BBS mostly comprising New Yorkers. It's sort of like The Well on the West Coast.
Anyway, my prayers will be with you. Hope that doesn't offend.
Marsha
poster:4WD
thread:496153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050506/msgs/500812.html