![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 34. Go back in thread:
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 9:28:55
In reply to Re: I dread shopping! To Eddie and » WorryGirl, posted by bluedog on December 10, 2002, at 21:46:15
> Another way to put these shopping experiences into perspective is to think for a moment about some of these shop assistants!!!
---------------------You don't have to make that case to me. Customers can be some of the most despicable people you'll ever encounter during your lifetime. Somehow, the anonymity of being another face, and the presumed subservience that the employee represents creates some gross customers. I'd swear that some shop only to flex their exagerrated customer dissatisfaction. I've seen cashiers reduced to tears many times. The worst that I've witnessed was one night when a friendly, regular customer came to my counter (we'll call her customer A) a few seconds before another one (customer B) made an approach to the counter with her friend, gabbing away. My counter was an island, with no obvious entry point, so it'd be pointless to argue who came at the correct angle or whatever, Customer A, an elderly woman, was clearly first (and carrying a heavy load in her arms). So I begin ringing up A (who also happend to be black). Anyway, B (she's a wealthy, middle-aged white woman) realizes this right as she gets to the counter, and voices a cursory complaint ("I believe I was here first!"). I tell her that she wasn't, but that A (now writing out her check) only has a few items, and it wouldn't be more than 20 seconds. She rolls her eyes, turns to her friend, and loudly says, "Hmmph! Must be reverse discrimination day!"
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 9:56:05
In reply to Re: On anger... » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on December 10, 2002, at 16:45:27
>But I don't think suppression of feelings is all that selective. In trying to suppress the anger, we also make it difficult for ourselves to access the more desirable feelings.
--------------------I've read that you feel you're able to use this kind of emotional divorce/dissociation in a purposeful way, which is something I can't do. My emotions are usually either absent, or strong and mixed, for no real reason. I have seemingly no control over how I'll be feeling at a given time. My reticence to anger feels more pathological than volitional. I don't usually need to stifle anger, I simply don't have it (or relevant sadness, or happiness, or passion). The only time I get these feelings are in random, jumbled regurgitations (and dreams). Fortunately, modern life doesn't often call for visible displays of emotion.
Are all of your emotions affected by your emotional divorce? Does your husband complain about it? You're one of the few other people I can relate to on this issue. It's odd to read people's accounts on this board (versus talking to them in real life). Despite the problems and limitations you've described in yourself, you always come across as being very empahtic, intelligent, and well adjusted.
Posted by bluedog on December 11, 2002, at 10:01:06
In reply to crazy customers » bluedog, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 9:28:55
Hi Eddie
Don't you just wish that you could make some snide comment back at customer B to the effect that she is an ignorant,racist bitch who should learn to wait her turn? Though I suspect that by doing so, because she is a "wealthy middle-aged woman" that she probably has connections and would probably make it her personal crusade to make your life extremely difficuly through your employer. It is very difficult to defend yourself in such situations,wouldn't you agree.
I suppose you took some satisfaction in the fact that you made this woman wait her turn and that the truly kind, nice customer was not left feeling like a second rate citizen. Congratulations for this small victory that you were able to achieve!!!
keep well
bluedog
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 10:19:09
In reply to Re: On anger... » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 9:56:05
I see the emotional divorce as being a totally different phenomenon as the distance between my emotional self and my logical self. The former is a self protective mechanism that relates to certain people.
The latter came about by my attempts to distance myself from the less pleasant emotions and is not at all specific. By separating myself from the "bad" emotions, I separate myself from all emotions. Naturally such a separation is not perfect and leads to leakage of undifferentiated emotions or the flood of certain emotions when, say, the anger door is opened.
I've come a long way in therapy with the emotional separation. When I first went into therapy, my therapist thought that I was schizotypal due in part to my flat affect. He thought my range of emotion was extremely limited. Now he says he would never come to the same conclusion. That my range of emotions is fine, but that the separation between my emotional and rational states keep me from experiencing the emotions as I should. I still have a lot of work to do in the area, especially since the work has to be done around my not infrequent crises related to my mood and anxiety disorders. But I do see the *possibilities*. So far it's mostly been the bad emotions that have been accessed, but even that seems pregnant with possibilities.
Have you done therapy for this specific purpose? It took a long time to access that level of my being, and it still disappears from time to time. But I'm improving, and the therapy work has become deeper in the last year maybe. It is painful and destabilizing, but it's worthwhile I think. Of course, I'm a bit concerned that the destabilizing effect won't go away, and that the experiment might have to be abandoned. And the work depends to a large extent on my hard won attachment to my therapist.
By the way, my fear of anger is also pathological, as are all my reactions to anger. :(
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 11:15:43
In reply to Re: On anger... » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 10:19:09
> I see the emotional divorce as being a totally different phenomenon as the distance between my emotional self and my logical self. The former is a self protective mechanism that relates to certain people.
---------------------That makes sense. I can see where I've probably done things like that as well. I remeber going to court for my divorce and feeling absolutely nothing (even joked with the judge), saying goodbye to my new ex, shaking hands and walking away cavalierly. I had redefined my wife internally in a way that allowed for me to be dispassionate about it. Four months later I was crying on the floor on my shower, in prelude to a dehumanizing, year long depression.
> I've come a long way in therapy with the emotional separation. When I first went into therapy, my therapist thought that I was schizotypal due in part to my flat affect. He thought my range of emotion was extremely limited. Now he says he would never come to the same conclusion.
---------I've had that same concern about myself. Aside from the lack of emotions, I also don't have the desire to make friends or talk to my family. Very much a loner. Glad to hear he doesn't define you that way.
> Have you done therapy for this specific purpose? It took a long time to access that level of my being, and it still disappears from time to time
-------------------I probably should. I tried talking about it with one counselor I went to, but I don't think that I ever really got my point across to him. He mainly focused on the idea that I was socially phobic (which I was). I think that because I come across so sedate and studied, therapists tend to assume that I'm pretty much normal, with just a bit of neuroticism or something. It's difficult to describe how unusual and off I often feel, and that combined with my news-anchor like delivery doesn't convey the real frustration I feel.
> By the way, my fear of anger is also pathological, as are all my reactions to anger. :(
------------------Yeah. I can't handle anyone getting angry at me, or around me. Makes me very uncomfortable. I also can't express anger in any useful way. I either sulk and am quiet (90% of the time), or punch myself while shouting (10%). Nobody's buying my anger management book.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 11:58:07
In reply to Re: On anger... » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 11:15:43
Eddie, I'm a busybody I confess. But I *strongly* suggest that you try therapy again. Print out some of our threads and bring them with you to the therapist to describe the problem. From what you say about your fear of anger and from what you say about your anger outbursts, I think it's entirely possible that your problem is similar to mine. If it is, I think those emotions may be able to be accessed. Be careful and go slowly, because as I said, it's destabilizing. But on an entirely different level than I am consciously aware of, I do have feelings. And from what you've described, the same may be true of you. It may be possible to tear down those walls. Just be sure to do it at a conservative rate and with a competent professional. My therapist says sometimes that he's afraid of stirring up the mother of Grendel. :) But the possibilities of a richer life are there.
Do you ever remember, as a child, of feeling? Of wanting to be with people? By the way, a divorce followed by a dehumanizing year long depression would probably reinforce your self protective impulses and build that war a bit stronger.
Posted by NikkiT2 on December 11, 2002, at 13:48:25
In reply to I dread shopping more than ever-feel like failure, posted by WorryGirl on December 9, 2002, at 12:16:38
cos, I detest shops, I today I don't feel like a failure... infact, I feel quite pleased with myself.. I've just done ALL my christmas shopping (thats for two brothers, their wives, their 5 kids, my mum, my husband and my nan!!) on line!!!!
I luuuuurve the internet!!
Nikki
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:28:57
In reply to Re: On anger... » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 11:58:07
> Eddie, I'm a busybody I confess. But I *strongly* suggest that you try therapy again. But the possibilities of a richer life are there.--------------------
Probably. I've only been to a couple of them, never for more than 5 sessions. I wasn't real impressed with the apparent knowledge of one, and couldn't seem to quite communicate with the other. I guess I just have my doubts about the ability of someone to be skillful enough to assess my problems correctly, and address them effectively through therapy. I've only ever had a traditional doctor give me a correct diagnosis once, and disorders of the body seem like much more self-evident problems than disorders of the mind.
> Do you ever remember, as a child, of feeling? Of wanting to be with people? By the way, a divorce followed by a dehumanizing year long depression would probably reinforce your self protective impulses and build that war a bit stronger.
--------------------Yes, I recall fond memories from childhood. I enjoyed doing almost anything (bike riding, drawing, playing ball, etc), and I had plenty of laughs and thrills.
It's really only been in the last 5 years or so that I've been so unable to feel, experience anticipation, or have a coherent sense of myself and my life. I just feel like every day is disconnected, and I go through the motions of work and family and whatnot because I know it will be worse if I don't.
The divorce happened about a year after this all started, so it's hard to say what role it plays, but it can't be good. One possible example.. one of my current concerns is my disinterest in having any friends <> 2 months after the divorce, I discovered that she married my best friend (I'd wondered why he had gotten so distant). Probably a connection, but what does knowing it help? How could a therapist address this? I'm not saying therapy won't at all, it's just hard for me to believe in the utility of a method unless I have some understanding of it's mechanism.
Posted by WorryGirl on December 11, 2002, at 14:41:29
In reply to you're NOT a failure.... » WorryGirl, posted by NikkiT2 on December 11, 2002, at 13:48:25
Thanks Nikki,
I think that I am going to do more internet shopping, but it sure is nice to see and feel what I'm buying beforehand.
Actually, buying gift certificates online sounds like a good idea.It's funny how when I go shopping alone I don't get the attitudes from other customers and/or salespeople nearly as often. Even when my children are perfectly behaved you wouldn't believe some of the glares I get from people. Ironically, it is during the daytime (when most people are at their jobs) that I get the worst attitudes. You would think that there would be a sort of empathy between the stay-at-home mothers. Occasionally, yes, but surprisingly, more often than not, no, it's more like a competition and one-upmanship. Maybe their children have better genes! (laugh) I just can't (and wouldn't if I could) try to pull off the "I'm better than you are" game.
The salespeople seem snootier during the daytime, too. All of this might account for living in a fairly prosperous section of a big city. I wonder if, because I don't play the "holier than thou" game if people are assuming that I'm of a lower social order than they are.Interestingly, the "outside working people" (not that us mothers don't work!) I've found to be more friendly overall - if any of them are rude, it's probably because of stress and lack of time.
I do feel for the salespeople who have to deal with any kind of rudeness, excessive complaining and bullying. Because I'm afraid of anger, I would wither if I was treated as badly as I've seen some salespeople treated. I know that in the whole scheme of things, there really aren't as many salespeople trying to play power games (like the one I ran into Monday) as there are hardworking ones. It just seems more prevalent in this particular mall - I think it might be worth driving an extra 10 miles to go to a different one.
If I see someone treated rudely or unfairly I would like to think that I would intercede, but the social phobic part of me might take over and I would watch myself freeze as I have at other times. Very rarely I will surprise myself and show some spirit, but I am literally shaking when I do, and don't portray confidence at all. Maybe one day....
I know it sounds cheesy, but we really are all in the same big picture, trying to fulfill our destiny, playing our own unique part; it's just that there are always going to be people who feel that they are playing THE leading part.
Until I gain more confidence I think I'll stick to internet and night/weekend shopping.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 16:19:56
In reply to Re: On anger... » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:28:57
My answer was long, so I moved it to Psychological Babble. Here's a link.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1797.html
Posted by NikkiT2 on December 12, 2002, at 4:50:12
In reply to Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople » NikkiT2, posted by WorryGirl on December 11, 2002, at 14:41:29
I live in cetral London in the UK, and my nearest shopping is the busiest shopping street int he country... people are jsut sooo rude... and then I get upset which makes me angry, and I end up having a go at shop staff, and then am too scared to return to that shop...
I've just spent the weekend at Euro Disney, and still can't get over how damned rude people are in crowds... and it really got to me.. so sod it me thought - no way I'm hitting the shops now!!! Thing is, littlest nephew (only 18 months) wants (??!!) a sort of car that I can only find in the main toy store in London (hamleys!) which is SO busy this time of year I cannot face it... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
How old are your kids?? I just couldn't imagine having to shops with kids in tow too!!!
Nikki xx
Posted by WorryGirl on December 12, 2002, at 10:38:01
In reply to Re: Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople » WorryGirl, posted by NikkiT2 on December 12, 2002, at 4:50:12
Nikki,
I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. They are good kids, but they have their limits like anyone else and if they get upset I always take them out of the store if I can't calm them down in 5 minutes or so. If they're really loud I take them out immediately. So many people give me dirty looks like I shouldn't even be out shopping with them at all. I think it's important for them to learn how to act in public, and don't feel that sheltering them at home and never taking them on public outings is going to turn them into well-behaved 5 or 6 year olds when I finally take them out. It's not like a mall isn't appropriate for young children. We'd never take them to 5 star restaurants, of course!I guess things are just so stressful for everyone, especially this time of year that not many people have much tolerance for kids, even the sight of them, much less adults!
I remember when I was childless, and whenever I saw someone struggling with fussy children my heart went out to them. Where are those people now?
People can be unbelievably rude. Most of the time people help me with the door when I am struggling to get my double stroller through it, which I appreciate. But there have been people who shut the door in my face then turned around to watch me struggle. I guess some people have been **** on and they feel better watching others get **** on, too.London must be exciting, but obviously you get the crowds and rudeness there as in most big cities. I've heard the shopping is great - maybe one day I'll get to experience it....
Good luck with your shopping.
Posted by syringachalet on December 12, 2002, at 14:17:30
In reply to Re: Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople, posted by WorryGirl on December 12, 2002, at 10:38:01
I have physical mobility issues and have found internet shoppping my great friend.
I can either shop at stores that will gift
wrap and mail the gift for me or can have it
delivered to my door for my own personal giving.Here in the US, both US Postal service and
United Parcel Service have websites that using
a credit card will not only help you make your mailing labels but will let you prepay your postage and print it from your own computer.
You still have to be able to accurately weigh your package yourself and wrap it according to mailing guidelines.
The websites are USPS.com and UPS.comBeats standing in line for those busy people.. regardless their status...
Just an FYI....
syringachalet
Posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 8:50:17
In reply to Re: On anger... » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:28:57
<> 2 months after the divorce, I discovered
that she married my best friend (I'd wondered
why he had gotten so distant). Probably a
connection, but what does knowing it help?
How could a therapist address this? I'm not
saying therapy won't at all, it's just hard
for me to believe in the utility of a method
unless I have some understanding of it's
mechanism.
Wow...that's pretty huge, Eddie. Personally, I think a
a therapist (a good one anyone) could help you work through
your feelings (and discover your feelings) a lot on this
particular issue. That's just so big. Your best friend. And the
fact that she married him only 2 months after you divorced? It's just
betrayal on so many levels. That's enough to numb anyone out, shut anyone
down. Did you EVER used to want friends, or is this not wanting to
make friends a relatively new thing, somehow related to the divorce?
>
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 9:56:16
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano, posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 8:50:17
>It's just
> betrayal on so many levels. That's enough to numb anyone out, shut anyone
> down. Did you EVER used to want friends, or is this not wanting to
> make friends a relatively new thing, somehow related to the divorce?
--------------------------------It was pretty lousy. We'd been married for about 6 years (my first and only love at the time), and I'd never had a better or closer best friend. The worst part was that they both lied about ever even talking to each other during our seperation, which left me wondering why my friend didn't seem interested in talking to me anymore, when we previously spent a great deal of time together. I only found out about their marriage because a friend of my grandma worked the info out of my ex's former boss at the greeting card store. Oh yeah, and she told me she wanted a divorce on Christmas Eve. Bah.
As for the question, yes, I had a relatively normal desire to have friends before all this happened, and this has only developed in the years following that. No matter how much time I spend with guys nowadays, I never feel any closer to them as friends, and don't really want to (and the situation's not much different with women). It's sad because I used to have great times hanging out with my buddies, just goofing around, mountain biking, playing frisbee, talking. It was the cheapest and easiest way I've ever experienced so much happiness. Now I just feel really awkward about it, and can't relate to potential friends.
Thanks for the response, btw. It's nice to have someone hear my sob story. It *is* pretty soap opera.
Posted by NikkiT2 on December 13, 2002, at 10:21:15
In reply to Re: Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople, posted by WorryGirl on December 12, 2002, at 10:38:01
I take it you are int he US... You would ifnd London VERY expensive... I can never get over how cheap everything is in the US!!! My hubby and I often went to new York mainly just to go shopping!!! As an example.. a pair of Levi 501's over here works out about $60!!! And our MacDonalds portions are WAY smaller - I was so shocked first time I had a MaccyD's in Las vegas!!! The medium fries were the same size as our Super Size fries!!!!
Having just spent a weekend away with a 5, 4 and 2 year old, I really feel for parents struggling... I always help out when I can on buses etc, but so many people seem to act like I'm wierd when I offer to help!!!
Its not the kids that get to me at all, its stupid parents!!! *lol* And there seem to be so many of them in London this time of year!!!
have a good christmas.. sounds like you're doing agreat job bringing up your kids!!!
Nikki xx
Posted by Dinah on December 13, 2002, at 10:41:34
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano » ROO, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 9:56:16
What a rotten thing to have happen to you. Honestly, if you don't think you can get past this on your own, therapy might be able to help. Especially since the experiences that have interfered with your life started after your divorce. Life is too short to live it less than as fully as you can.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 11:06:55
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on December 13, 2002, at 10:41:34
> What a rotten thing to have happen to you. Honestly, if you don't think you can get past this on your own, therapy might be able to help. Especially since the experiences that have interfered with your life started after your divorce. Life is too short to live it less than as fully as you can.
---------------It's my New Year's resolution (along with "stop smoking" and "go back to school").
I feel so empty. I hope I can be repaired, or at least wake up.
Posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 11:49:41
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano » ROO, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 9:56:16
>
> It was pretty lousy. We'd been married for
about 6 years (my first and only love at the
time), and I'd never had a better or closer best
friend. The worst part was that they both lied
about ever even talking to each other during our
seperation, which left me wondering why my
friend didn't seem interested in talking to me
anymore, when we previously spent a great deal of
time together. I only found out about their
marriage because a friend of my grandma worked
the info out of my ex's former boss at the
greeting card store. Oh yeah, and she told me
she wanted a divorce on Christmas Eve. Bah.
> As for the question, yes, I had a relatively
normal desire to have friends before all this
happened, and this has only developed in the years
following that. No matter how much time I spend
with guys nowadays, I never feel any closer to
them as friends, and don't really want to
(and the situation's not much different with
women). It's sad because I used to have great
times hanging out with my buddies, just goofing
around, mountain biking, playing frisbee, talking
. It was the cheapest and easiest way I've ever
experienced so much happiness. Now I just feel
really awkward about it, and can't relate to
potential friends.
Well...I guess the good news is that if you felt that way (that friendships brought you great happiness)...a relatively
short amount of time ago...there's a pretty darn good chance that you CAN
repair yourself, heal, and feel that way again. It's no wonder you feel so
empty...friendships and mates are kind of like the meat and potatoes of life...
and there's a real emotional void/wasteland there (I don't need to tell you that, you already
know that)....there's been a ton of emotional betrayal and damage done...but I really
feel it can be healed with the help of a good, insightful therapist. I really hope
you find a good one. How's your work life? Just curious, did you have depression
before you divorce, or did it come afterwards? How long has it been since the divorce?I'm gonna try to quit smoking in January too....
>
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 12:21:28
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano, posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 11:49:41
>How's your work life? Just curious, did you have depression
> before you divorce, or did it come afterwards? How long has it been since the divorce?
-------------------Work is fine. I'm a programmer, and a pretty good one, so I have a great deal of freedom in my job. Usually don't come into work until 10. Paid well.
It's hard for me to say when the depression started, because I began to feel physical symptoms 9 months before she said she wanted a divorce(03/98). Felt really tired and confused, and somewhat gloomy. It wasn't until almost two years after that(late '99) that I really felt depressed. It got progressively worse over the following year, culminating in a state of total surrender to dejection and mild psychosis(most of 2000). The actual divorce was 06/99.
> I'm gonna try to quit smoking in January too....
---------------I'd like to reserve the right to smoke socially, but that's a slippery slope. It's weird... I don't even know why I like smoking. It usually just makes me dizzy and confused (and salivate a lot).
Posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 12:45:05
In reply to Re: On anger...Eddie Sylvano, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 12:21:28
Eddie, I'll shut up after this, and I don't mean to
beat a dead horse with this therapy thing...but damn...I kinda
wish I was like you...it doesn't even sound like your depression is
biological...it sounds situationally based...therapy could really help you
work through a great deal and you may not even have to take damn drugs!
Sounds to me like you have a real good shot at happiness. I'm rooting for you.
They say supressed emotions lead to depression.As for the smoking...I still don't consider myself a "real" smoker...I've been kinda sorta
smoking for the past 6 months or so as a sort of "brooding reaction" to a break up. But it's really
just on the weekends. But it still makes me feel gross. Yuck.
Posted by WorryGirl on December 13, 2002, at 14:40:19
In reply to Re: On anger... » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:28:57
Hi Eddie,
I'm sorry that you have been through a divorce. I was wondering if your ex wife had a personality opposite of yours or was she a lot like you? Sometimes people are drawn to people who are their emotional polar opposites. With my first husband this dynamic never worked, but surprisingly it does with my current husband. Of course, maturity plays a huge role and some people never quite master that one.With my divorce, I tried countless times to communicate my unhappiness in the marriage and it was like talking to a brick wall. He was in denial and seemed to think it was all in my head. He refused to take me seriously. Unfortunately the only way he could was when I actually left. At that point I felt such relief that nothing could have made me go back. Looking back, I feel that I was quite the coward in the way that I handled everything (basically I just fled). Fortunately, it ended up being the best decision, because I never would've found my current husband otherwise.
You say that you don't know if the divorce played a part in your depression (being unable to feel). I wonder if she sensed things were going wrong with you sometime before and simply said nothing. Instead, when she felt you closing off, she turned to your best friend (which is still inexcusable in my book - a double betrayal).
Do you think you would feel better if you let her know just how she's made you feel. I wonder if writing her a letter (even if you never send it) might relieve some of your bottled up feelings. I used this exercise with my ex-boyfriend and while I will always feel some resentment (he hurt me in some ways that are irreparable) it seemed to remove a lot of the demons.
That might be a step toward you being able to feel again (maybe?). You seem like someone with so much to offer.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 13, 2002, at 17:05:31
In reply to Re: On anger... » Eddie Sylvano, posted by WorryGirl on December 13, 2002, at 14:40:19
> Hi Eddie,
> I'm sorry that you have been through a divorce. I was wondering if your ex wife had a personality opposite of yours or was she a lot like you
----------------------------We weren't entirely opposite, but we were pretty different. I'm pretty meek and mild, while she's forward to the point of being oblivious to others. She was very religious, while I'm an athiest. She was very emotional, while I was pretty sedate. Our values and likes were pretty similar, though, and we both loved each other a great deal when we got married. She was the kind of person who would talk of suicide if I were to ever leave her. Very intense person in general.
The next girlfriend I had after that was quite an odd girl, as well. My current girlfriend is the most similar person to myself that I've dated, and it's working out well, so maybe I finally got it right.> I wonder if she sensed things were going wrong with you sometime before and simply said nothing. Instead, when she felt you closing off, she turned to your best friend (which is still inexcusable in my book - a double betrayal).
------------------It could be. For the last 9 months we were together, my mind and body were seriously distorted. It descended on me very suddenly one day. I had no energy, couldn't think straight, and just felt off in general. I thought I was dying, and she did get tired of hearing about it. Still, I never got the impression that she was deeply upset about it.
> Do you think you would feel better if you let her know just how she's made you feel. I wonder if writing her a letter (even if you never send it) might relieve some of your bottled up feelings.
-------------------It's really weird, because it doesn't even seem like I was ever married to her now. She lives 2000 miles away from me, and I haven't spoken to her (or my former best friend) since the day of the divorce. She holds no emotional interest for me anymore. The whole thing just seems unreal to me now. That she even exists, and is somewhere doing something right now, participating in other people's lives, seems remarkable.
idk. It's been so long since I've felt normal that my whole life feels artificial and ethereal. It's nice to get decent advice from you guys. I can't really talk to anyone else about it, so thanks for your all your thoughts and suggestions.
Posted by syringachalet on December 13, 2002, at 23:48:17
In reply to Re: Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople » WorryGirl, posted by NikkiT2 on December 13, 2002, at 10:21:15
Actually, I use the points I collect from paying all my monthly bills( mortgage, utilities, etc) with my credit card for many of my on line purchases.( Yahoo, first USA.com, ect)
I save them throughout the year and use them at Christmas when it seems that no matter how much you budget, the bucks dont go far enough...
I bet you have skinny Santa Clauss there in GB too...LOL
I have also got to sending cyber Christmas cards vs regular cards and that saves me money too.
(Those you need to send a gift, several places have where you can send things like $5 Pizza Hut or McDonald gift certifcates via email...)Just dancing as fast as I can.....
syringachalet
Posted by syringachalet on December 17, 2002, at 14:15:22
In reply to Re: Internet vs. store shopping, salespeople » WorryGirl, posted by NikkiT2 on December 13, 2002, at 10:21:15
Hey, If you want a pair of Levi 501s here from US, just log on to levis.com and you can order them sent to you ANYWHERE...even with S&H they will not cost you $60.00 US dollars.
Just trying to help...
syringachalet
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