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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Alii on December 11, 2002, at 23:47:29
You replied to a post I made on the book board but I thought I had better reply over here since it is mostly social. I have no idea how to explain the type of therapy I'm doing now so I'm not putting this on PPB or whatever the dillyoh it is called now.
I am doing therapy with a woman and a group that she facilitates. I just said in an e-mail to someone else tonight that I feel as if all these years of therapists have led me to this calm woman who can shift modalities as needed and is dead on the second I begin to dissociate. She's good.
The group dynamic is strange but helping with the stigma of such horrific abuse/attacks. Fairly amazing women in this small group and it is run tightly timewise which helps keep things moving and instead of being confusing is quite comforting to have such structure. Does that make sense?
I'm dissociated a great portion of the time lately but doing the best I can considering the body of work being done in both the individual sessions and the group sessions.
A lot of art is involved. It hasn't gotten to the anger yet or truly the darkness but is bubbling up the pain and horror and absolute terror I went through in one night.
As far as functioning in the world? I'm at a minimal level but considering what I'm facing I'm damn proud I'm not swallowing every flippin bottle o' pillz in my house. Shit...everyday I wake up I'm amazed that I'm still here another day.
You inquired. I answered. Sheesh. You probably weren't looking for a novel.
Take care DM.
--Alii
Posted by syringachalet on December 12, 2002, at 5:17:03
In reply to Dinah I have no idea where this belongs! , posted by Alii on December 11, 2002, at 23:47:29
Ali, what courage it has taken to come this far and be able to share with us here...
Often when a person feels like his life is spinning out of control, temporarily given up some of that control is the only answer.
A therapist once told me that it was like juggling that you can only jugle some many then you start dropping eventually.
That by giving up some of control temporarily
you can focus on the the really important stuff without a lot of other pressures and distractions.
Also by being in a tight'closed' group, you can work not only on trust issues but you can learn to 'bounce' ideas off other people familiar with your struggles and not be critized or overwhelm others outside your group that can not truly relate.Good luck. You are headed in the right direction...
syringachalet
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 8:21:52
In reply to Dinah I have no idea where this belongs! , posted by Alii on December 11, 2002, at 23:47:29
I'm happy to hear all about it. We haven't talked in a while.
I'm proud of you too. It's not easy doing the hard work in therapy. Calm sounds good. Structure sounds good. All that research paid off, then. It sounds like you've found a good place to work.
Congratulations.
Dinah
Posted by Alii on December 15, 2002, at 2:07:47
In reply to Re: Dinah I have no idea where this belongs! » Alii, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 8:21:52
> I'm happy to hear all about it. We haven't talked in a while.
>
> I'm proud of you too. It's not easy doing the hard work in therapy. Calm sounds good. Structure sounds good. All that research paid off, then. It sounds like you've found a good place to work.
>
> Congratulations.
>
> DinahDinah,
I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now Dinah. You do need to put your needs first and if you cannot handle full time care of your parents then that is that. From what I know of you you are a woman of faith and I believe that you know somehow this situation will resolve with help from outside sources.
Doesn't mean it is going to go any easier though.(You know if I had that damn fairy wand I'd wave it your way in an instant!)
Wishing you well and praying strength your way.
--Alii
Posted by Dinah on December 15, 2002, at 12:27:19
In reply to I've missed ya » Dinah, posted by Alii on December 15, 2002, at 2:07:47
Things are looking up a bit, except for work. I'm putting any thoughts of my brother leaving firmly out of my mind. My therapist is settled back down for the moment and it doesn't look as if he has plans to leave. I don't know how long that will last though. He's a terrific therapist in some ways, but certainly not the most stable guy in the world.
It's just the continued work pressure that is really getting to me, and the OCD is still acting up.
I wish I were one of the people who could put things in the hands of a higher power, or rely on one. I wish I had the gift of prayer. But I'm not, however much I try. My spirituality is more of the praising God and trying to do his will sort. I've never got the hang of the rest of it.
Hope things are still looking up.
Dinah
Posted by Alii on December 15, 2002, at 14:19:03
In reply to Re: Same here » Alii, posted by Dinah on December 15, 2002, at 12:27:19
>>Things are looking up a bit, except for work.
Sorry work is a drag. Is it because of your being preoccupied by other things going on in your life?
>>I'm putting any thoughts of my brother leaving firmly out of my mind. My therapist is settled back down for the moment and it doesn't look as if he has plans to leave. I don't know how long that will last though. He's a terrific therapist in some ways, but certainly not the most stable guy in the world.
Well how many of us are truly stable after all? Maybe his possible leaving is a fork in the road to begin thinking about a different therapist? I don't say that lightly at all since I know the enormous trust issues involved.
I'm living proof of the abilitly to forge therapeutic relationships with differing levels of trust over the years with a number of therapists---due to insurances changes, job changes, moving, etc.
Ideally I would like to get everything done with one person but my life hasn't allowed that. Damn that adage: the only constant in life is change.
>>It's just the continued work pressure that is really getting to me, and the OCD is still acting up.I wish I had some suggestions as to how to help relieve some of that work pressure. OCD doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs either. Ugh on all that DM. =(
>>I wish I were one of the people who could put things in the hands of a higher power, or rely on one. I wish I had the gift of prayer. But I'm not, however much I try. My spirituality is more of the praising God and trying to do his will sort. I've never got the hang of the rest of it.Dinah, I think you've got the hang of more than you think or perhaps give yourself credit for. When I said that I think of you as a spiritual person I was referring to your posts over on the faith board that show an incredible knowledge of different religions and texts. You have access to this information and maybe *I'm* just being hopeful but somehow I sense that some of that information has got to resonate somewhere inside of you and help in some tiny way. Maybe I'm naive. But dammit I hope that you have some sense of support from outside---and read that as higher power, neighbour, coworker, friend, etc.
>>Hope things are still looking up.
>> DinahI don't think they could get much lower so I've completely lowered any expectations for myself and am doing quite well considering I don't ask more of myself than to arise each day, breathe in breathe out, stay alive and then at some point return to a state of drugged slumber. Jolly, eh?
Going off to work with the kidz today. It is rainy out so I am bringing over all my art goodies and a tarp to get all messy artsy on. These kidz are good for my broken soul. Nicest thing about em? I get to give em back! ;)
Fondly,
Alii
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2002, at 21:17:39
In reply to Re: Same here » Dinah, posted by Alii on December 15, 2002, at 14:19:03
>
> Sorry work is a drag. Is it because of your being preoccupied by other things going on in your life?
>
Nope. It's work. :)>
> Ideally I would like to get everything done with one person but my life hasn't allowed that. Damn that adage: the only constant in life is change.
>
Now you sound like my therapist. :) I've always arranged my life to be as stable as possible, with as much support as possible. My therapist said once that he was amazed at how well I managed my life to fit in with what I could handle without blowing all my circuits, until recently (ok, that's a paraphrase. he doesn't talk like that.)>
> Dinah, I think you've got the hang of more than you think or perhaps give yourself credit for. When I said that I think of you as a spiritual person I was referring to your posts over on the faith board that show an incredible knowledge of different religions and texts. You have access to this information and maybe *I'm* just being hopeful but somehow I sense that some of that information has got to resonate somewhere inside of you and help in some tiny way. Maybe I'm naive. But dammit I hope that you have some sense of support from outside---and read that as higher power, neighbour, coworker, friend, etc.
>
Gifts differing, I suppose.> I don't think they could get much lower so I've completely lowered any expectations for myself and am doing quite well considering I don't ask more of myself than to arise each day, breathe in breathe out, stay alive and then at some point return to a state of drugged slumber. Jolly, eh?
>
Yeah, but sometimes that's enough, and hard enough to do.> Going off to work with the kidz today. It is rainy out so I am bringing over all my art goodies and a tarp to get all messy artsy on. These kidz are good for my broken soul. Nicest thing about em? I get to give em back! ;)
>
Awwwww. But they're pretty nice to keep, too.Dinah
Posted by Alii on December 17, 2002, at 13:16:47
In reply to Re: Same here, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2002, at 21:17:39
d-> Nope. It's work. :)
~~~~~~
big fat bleck on work related stress!a-> ...Damn that adage: the only constant in life is change.
d-> Now you sound like my therapist. :) I've always arranged my life to be as stable as possible, with as much support as possible. My therapist said once that he was amazed at how well I managed my life to fit in with what I could handle without blowing all my circuits, until recently (ok, that's a paraphrase. he doesn't talk like that.)
~~~~~~~~
maybe it is time to consider that he might not be the therapist of forever and just begin to mull over the idea of continuing on work with another.a-> Dinah, I think you've got the hang of more than you think or perhaps give yourself credit for. When I said that I think of you as a spiritual person I was referring to your posts over on the faith board that show an incredible knowledge of different religions and texts. You have access to this information and maybe *I'm* just being hopeful but somehow I sense that some of that information has got to resonate somewhere inside of you and help in some tiny way. Maybe I'm naive. But dammit I hope that you have some sense of support from outside---and read that as higher power, neighbour, coworker, friend, etc.
d-> Gifts differing, I suppose.
~~~~~~~~~
Yes sweetie our gifts do differ. I think you don't appreciate or acknowledge your own gifts as much as others perceive them in you. Just my opinion. Meant in a most complimentary manner too.
a-> I don't think they could get much lower so I've completely lowered any expectations for myself and am doing quite well considering I don't ask more of myself than to arise each day, breathe in breathe out, stay alive and then at some point return to a state of drugged slumber. Jolly, eh?d-> Yeah, but sometimes that's enough, and hard enough to do.
~~~~~~~
Tell me about it! Just arising is killing me! So freakin dissociated it is like wandering through a waterlily painting......all blury and fuzzy and soft edged and out of focus.a-> Going off to work with the kidz today. It is rainy out so I am bringing over all my art goodies and a tarp to get all messy artsy on. These kidz are good for my broken soul. Nicest thing about em? I get to give em back! ;)
d-> Awwwww. But they're pretty nice to keep, too.
> Dinah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah I think that I would have made a good mother at one point but my disease keeps me from really considering it as a serious option.
Dinah,I do love the children I work with (almost seven and nine) but the responsibility just overwhelms me when I think of fulltime parenthood. No thank you at this point.
Due to the ptsd and depression I wonder if I would ever be a fit parent. How sad because I do have a lot to offer but since I'm struggling to keep myself afloat it would be unfair to bring another life into this world without the resources to take care of it or the emotionally stability. Plus the reality is that I'm not sure I would make it to see the child grow up. My depression strikes that deep a fear in my heart. I've come very close and I've had some most disturbing irrational thoughts in the past several years about checking out----oh who was it who was bitching about euphemisms? Death, suicide, killing thy self.
I have godchildren and take care of children for some extra money right now. Plus many of my friends are with young children right now so I am getting more and more of a sense that I will end up an auntie and godmother and just enjoy these littluns around me instead of procuring or procreating my own.
I really wonder how so many on this site deal with mental illness and parenting. It seems beyond my grasp at this time. Much admiration for those that struggle with that one.
-Alii
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 18:49:33
In reply to Re: Same here » Dinah, posted by Alii on December 17, 2002, at 13:16:47
> maybe it is time to consider that he might not be the therapist of forever and just begin to mull over the idea of continuing on work with another.Perish the thought!!! It's never going to happen, I don't think. Not unless I do emotionally divorce him. He just makes me feel too safe, ironic isn't it?
>
> ~~~~~~~~~
> Yes sweetie our gifts do differ. I think you don't appreciate or acknowledge your own gifts as much as others perceive them in you. Just my opinion. Meant in a most complimentary manner too.Thanks Alii. That's very kind of you.
As for kids, I couldn't do it alone. My husband is a rock of stability. I might get annoyed with what he consistently is, but I can rely on his consistency. (grin) I chose well, and my son gets the benefit of that. I am a good mom, but I don't think I'd be as good if I didn't have an alternate, or relief pitcher, or whatever you'd like to call it.
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 18:51:01
In reply to Re: Same here » Alii, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 18:49:33
This is the end of the thread.
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