Posted by Alii on December 17, 2002, at 13:16:47
In reply to Re: Same here, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2002, at 21:17:39
d-> Nope. It's work. :)
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big fat bleck on work related stress!a-> ...Damn that adage: the only constant in life is change.
d-> Now you sound like my therapist. :) I've always arranged my life to be as stable as possible, with as much support as possible. My therapist said once that he was amazed at how well I managed my life to fit in with what I could handle without blowing all my circuits, until recently (ok, that's a paraphrase. he doesn't talk like that.)
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maybe it is time to consider that he might not be the therapist of forever and just begin to mull over the idea of continuing on work with another.a-> Dinah, I think you've got the hang of more than you think or perhaps give yourself credit for. When I said that I think of you as a spiritual person I was referring to your posts over on the faith board that show an incredible knowledge of different religions and texts. You have access to this information and maybe *I'm* just being hopeful but somehow I sense that some of that information has got to resonate somewhere inside of you and help in some tiny way. Maybe I'm naive. But dammit I hope that you have some sense of support from outside---and read that as higher power, neighbour, coworker, friend, etc.
d-> Gifts differing, I suppose.
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Yes sweetie our gifts do differ. I think you don't appreciate or acknowledge your own gifts as much as others perceive them in you. Just my opinion. Meant in a most complimentary manner too.
a-> I don't think they could get much lower so I've completely lowered any expectations for myself and am doing quite well considering I don't ask more of myself than to arise each day, breathe in breathe out, stay alive and then at some point return to a state of drugged slumber. Jolly, eh?d-> Yeah, but sometimes that's enough, and hard enough to do.
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Tell me about it! Just arising is killing me! So freakin dissociated it is like wandering through a waterlily painting......all blury and fuzzy and soft edged and out of focus.a-> Going off to work with the kidz today. It is rainy out so I am bringing over all my art goodies and a tarp to get all messy artsy on. These kidz are good for my broken soul. Nicest thing about em? I get to give em back! ;)
d-> Awwwww. But they're pretty nice to keep, too.
> Dinah
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Yeah I think that I would have made a good mother at one point but my disease keeps me from really considering it as a serious option.
Dinah,I do love the children I work with (almost seven and nine) but the responsibility just overwhelms me when I think of fulltime parenthood. No thank you at this point.
Due to the ptsd and depression I wonder if I would ever be a fit parent. How sad because I do have a lot to offer but since I'm struggling to keep myself afloat it would be unfair to bring another life into this world without the resources to take care of it or the emotionally stability. Plus the reality is that I'm not sure I would make it to see the child grow up. My depression strikes that deep a fear in my heart. I've come very close and I've had some most disturbing irrational thoughts in the past several years about checking out----oh who was it who was bitching about euphemisms? Death, suicide, killing thy self.
I have godchildren and take care of children for some extra money right now. Plus many of my friends are with young children right now so I am getting more and more of a sense that I will end up an auntie and godmother and just enjoy these littluns around me instead of procuring or procreating my own.
I really wonder how so many on this site deal with mental illness and parenting. It seems beyond my grasp at this time. Much admiration for those that struggle with that one.
-Alii
poster:Alii
thread:33251
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33480.html