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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on November 22, 2011, at 9:27:53
It's been a long time since i've posted.
a situation that happened yesterday with my T is so upsetting and i have no one to go to. i'm hoping someone can relate and help me to think about it another way bc i hate my thoughts. It's so hard for me to live and no one- even in my family understands. Most of the time everyone is angry with me for things i can't help. i have DID and i can't help that- it's not a choice i ever made. my life is a terrible mess but i'm doing the best i can do with everything.my T was good to want to help me but having my cat spayed- even at her vet- which is better than i could afford. If i didn't have DID i wouldn't spend so much money with things i don't agree with and can't afford- like feeding feral cats. It's so frustrating to live like this- i need help getting myself together- my parts to agree but my T probably doesn't know how to help me. She said she did but she never works with the parts who are ruining my life.
Last night at appt she offered to pay for my cat with kittens to be spayed at her vet and i was so happy and relieved to have her spayed. Then she called her vet and gave the phone to me- she became angry when i asked the if i could take her any other day beside the NEXT MORNING at 8AM- which is today. It was only 14 hours away and not enough time to be ready to get her there. She immediately grabbed the phone and told the vets "She is a MULTIPLE PROBLEMED person, i won't pay for it to be done any other time." i feel so so hurt that she told someone that about me, especially a vets where i was bringing my kitty. tears
Also i hate that she doesn't understand that i didn't do anything to get the way i am- having DID happened to me- i couldn't help being like this. She is negative towards me about it. She could have had it if she had a hard time in childhood too. She doesn't even know me at all- after more than 1 year of t. She had to ask why i was crying.At one point she was so mad at me -showed me her appt schedule saying "You are not busy like this." no- i am busy doing things that are mostly meaningless to most of me and everyone else- but not bc i want to be like this. i can't help being like this- i need help. that's why i go to t.
T then talked to my h. - she had me call him - he has an explosive temper out of no where- i have to stay at a domestic violence shelter sometimes bc it's not safe with him. She asked him to take me and my cat to the vet. SHE SET ME UP- she knows that he gets crazy angry in a car going anywhere with me who is late a lot bc of having parts.
Everything is wrong this morning. i hurt my neck and so can hardly move it. i'm all apart- devastated and hate myself and so disappointed that T was like she was and upset bc my cat didn't get spayed. Thanksgiving is in two days, i lost my mother recently- who loved me - no certain place to go bc my daughter is angry - saying that i'm not dependable when i love her and do my best. She can't accept that DID is a real disorder and i always try to be on time for everything i plan with her. it hurts so much to live.
Posted by Phillipa on November 22, 2011, at 17:30:41
In reply to So hurt by T- need support, posted by kerria on November 22, 2011, at 9:27:53
Kerria I remember you. I usually don't come to psychology board. I am hoping one the others who is familiar with you illness responds. Do you take any meds or just theraphy. Thinking of you. Phillipa
Posted by kerria on November 23, 2011, at 8:42:43
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support » kerria, posted by Phillipa on November 22, 2011, at 17:30:41
> Kerria I remember you. I usually don't come to psychology board. I am hoping one the others who is familiar with you illness responds. Do you take any meds or just theraphy. Thinking of you. Phillipa
Hi Phillipa,
Thank you so much for posting. How are you and things with you?
No i don't take any meds- just for physical things like low thyroid and pain. Probably i might need to- awhile ago i took diazapam but have not been to psychiatrist for a few years. i don't think there is any med that really helps people with DID, i really probably need to find a specialist. It's so terrible that there is no one on my insurance that specializes in treating DID and they make it so difficult to go to someone outside the network.
Tons of therapists SAY they treat everything but have no understanding. Of course you can go to them- you just can't get any better in real life.
i like my T- she has a nice personality and most of my parts get along well. The parts that don't just don't ever come out. She wouldn't like them just as i don't- but that leaves me not getting any better at living- i can never get to work on time, all relationships suffer so much. my daughter says "When someone is late it means they don't care about you." It's definitely NOT TRUE with me. i love her very much. i have a job that i really like to be at but i can never get there on time. When i'm there i have a very hard time leaving work to come home too. It has to do with switching, not what i like- what i like keeps changing- but i always love my daughters and my family.anyways i wish my T could understand how much she hurt me by acting the way she did and saying what she said. i'm sure she's mad at me for not being able to take my cat there by 8am . She will say 'i offered to pay and everything- you must not want to have your cat spayed.'
i am thinking of not going back bc probably i won't have a capacity to trust her anymore and it's sad to think about.
Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2011, at 9:07:31
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support, posted by kerria on November 23, 2011, at 8:42:43
I don't really understand, I think. She seems to have gone beyond what most therapists would do. Surely that denotes caring? Then she was angry with you. My therapist is angry with me at times too. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. I think it would be more likely he didn't care if he never got angry with me.
It may be true that when boundaries are bent in one direction, they may be bent in another as well. They are there for a reason. When a therapist invests themselves emotionally, it's harder to stay completely neutral.
Is this one of many things, or is this one instant in a relationship of caring? If it is, perhaps you could tell her that you really appreciate her offer, but it seems to have changed the dynamic of your relationship.
Most vets do want their surgery patients there first thing in the morning, fasted. If you can't get her there first thing, can you personally pay for the overnight boarding for the cat the day before the surgery? It's less expensive than spaying. Although, again, I'm not sure it would be in the best interests of therapy for a therapist to be this involved. As you've seen, it changes the roles and invites expectations.
Is there a reason your therapist is so invested? Has your cat had many litters? Can you keep her inside and separated from other cats when she's in heat, if you can't afford spaying?
Cats and dogs and children need certain things, no matter what is going on with their parents. If you aren't able to remember to be there on time, it might be a good idea to come up with alternatives that ensure the needs of your dependents are met when you can't meet them.
Posted by kerria on November 23, 2011, at 11:00:55
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support » kerria, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2011, at 9:07:31
> I don't really understand, I think. She seems to have gone beyond what most therapists would do. Surely that denotes caring? Then she was angry with you. My therapist is angry with me at times too. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. I think it would be more likely he didn't care if he never got angry with me.
>
> It may be true that when boundaries are bent in one direction, they may be bent in another as well. They are there for a reason. When a therapist invests themselves emotionally, it's harder to stay completely neutral.
>
> Is this one of many things, or is this one instant in a relationship of caring? If it is, perhaps you could tell her that you really appreciate her offer, but it seems to have changed the dynamic of your relationship.
>
> Most vets do want their surgery patients there first thing in the morning, fasted. If you can't get her there first thing, can you personally pay for the overnight boarding for the cat the day before the surgery? It's less expensive than spaying. Although, again, I'm not sure it would be in the best interests of therapy for a therapist to be this involved. As you've seen, it changes the roles and invites expectations.
>
> Is there a reason your therapist is so invested? Has your cat had many litters? Can you keep her inside and separated from other cats when she's in heat, if you can't afford spaying?
>
> Cats and dogs and children need certain things, no matter what is going on with their parents. If you aren't able to remember to be there on time, it might be a good idea to come up with alternatives that ensure the needs of your dependents are met when you can't meet them.Hi Dinah,
Thanks so much for posting. My T does care about me - she doesn't understand my disability at all though and that hurts a lot. It's not that i don't remember to be on time- it's that i need more time to get things together to plan to do anything as complicated at that. If i could have had a day and a half even- but the ONLY way she would do it was if it was the very NEXT morning- and that was only hours away bc my appt is in the evening.
my life is so frustrating. there are many things that are done that take up vast amounts of time and money that i don't agree with but can't stop- a symptom of my disorder almost nobody but me has-and no one usually understands but a T that i am going for help with THIS problem should at least try to. This problem is the only reason i am seeing her.
When T came in to the appt- she has just been back from her vet- she has animals in the rooms sometimes but not usually with me bc a part of me feeds feral cats. She's probably afraid they will catch something. She cares a lot about cats, my cat does need to be spayed- and i would feel much better for her to go to a better vet than the one at a large clinic- all that i can afford. Why ever did she say- NO- THE VERY NEXT MORNING when she knows i had a thousand things to do to prepare for the appt- they wanted faxed records of vaccinations and no food after 10pm- i never have enough petfood and had to go shopping How could i send her without anything the night before? we were using carrier to try to catch a cat abandoned by owner in neighborhood and it needed to be cleaned.i needed to make sure kittens were in a secure place
- everything is so unorganized at my house and takes much longer- most plumbing not working, etc, she knows all that as i'm open about everything.
She knows all the times my h. was violent driving recklessly to terrify me recently too and that i had to stay in dom. violence shelter. why ever would she call my h. and ask him to drive us there?? It was the worst nightmare for me.
Then tell the vets that i am a "multiple problemed person" just bc i asked if it could be the day after instead of in the morning.If your T called you that to someone at place would you feel good about going there? If
only some one could be in my shoes.And when she came in she was pressured for time- booked up every hour and rushed to get back from the vet, obviously rushed and upset- she even said something like'i am getting like you- running around like crazy caring for animals -'(that hurt a lot bc it's a symptom of my disability) showed her schedule plan saying angrily 'You don't work like i do.' i wish i was able to - it's terrible to have this disability.
Anyways people with my disability can not usually be ready as fast as others can. everything is harder. anything unforseen will happen that is difficult to deal with even when i try my best.
Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2011, at 12:53:06
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support, posted by kerria on November 23, 2011, at 11:00:55
That isn't just one thing, it's many things, and it does sound like she's overwhelmed right now. Do you find her helpful at all? Are there other alternatives?
I don't understand the part about the next morning myself. I don't know about her vets, but at my vets we can't just walk in for a spaying anyway. We need to make an appointment.
Posted by Phillipa on November 23, 2011, at 18:42:02
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support » kerria, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2011, at 12:53:06
Kerria how are things today? Are you okay? And I remember a lot about your medical problems also. Post please. Love Phillipa
Posted by kerria on November 24, 2011, at 7:49:32
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support » kerria, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2011, at 12:53:06
> That isn't just one thing, it's many things, and it does sound like she's overwhelmed right now. Do you find her helpful at all? Are there other alternatives?
>
> I don't understand the part about the next morning myself. I don't know about her vets, but at my vets we can't just walk in for a spaying anyway. We need to make an appointment.Hi Dinah,
The first available appt the vet had was the very next morning. T was insisting that i take it but it was too much to get ready and an hour away besides. The thing is that she should know that it would have been too hard for me to do and should have let me schedule another day so i'd be able to do it.
She doesn't understand how it is for me at all and is negative towards me for having the disorder that i have and i hate having it. i'm negative about it myself- it's too hard to live everyday. i just struggle doing the best i can and everyone around me misunderstands how even simple things for them are difficult for me.It's a lonely struggle and i wish i had a T that understood. That would be helpful. i used to have a T that specialized in DID.
T's personality is nice and we have a lot in common- but the recent obsession with animals in me finds common ground with her love for animals,that strengthens the part that is destructive in me i think. i am going to t. for that reason alone even, to get over that bc that part came and suddenly took over most of my daily life
i feel so bad that T said "i am getting like you."
bc it means that she doesn't understand about separate parts. Also she is negative against me - the way she said to the person at the vets 'She is a multiple problemed person' against me asking them for an appt on another day.
i wish she knew how hard it is for me- that when you have a part take over your schedule it's not the same thing as when your schedule is filled with appts seeing patients. i never chose to try to take care of too many cats and give all my time and money for that. It's a horrible symptom of the disorder i have. And it still takes up all the time- it's so sad and frustrating for my family and for me. T forgets that i came to her for help getting over that.
Posted by kerria on November 24, 2011, at 8:03:23
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support, posted by Phillipa on November 23, 2011, at 18:42:02
Hi Phillipa,
I'm a little better that yesterday. Thank you for being there and remembering me. The chronic pain and migraines are the same. It's so hard this month- i'm low on pain medicine because i had a bad migraine for days and the nausea med didn't work well. i had to stop taking companzine bc of having involuntary arm movements- it was so scary- and now have odanistan- something like that- i had in the hospital before - but it doesn't help very much with the severe vomiting. That makes pelvic pain so much worse and i can't keep medicine down so i end up using more. Probably i will run out again:( now i'm trying to taper.
How is everything with you, Phillipa?
Posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2011, at 23:57:06
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support, posted by kerria on November 24, 2011, at 8:03:23
Kerria sorry so long getting back to you but gone all day traveling home now. Still fighting my anxiety. Trying also to get well. I'm so glad you feel a bit better today. Will you continue posting? I truly enjoy talking with you. You will win your battle. The kitties are lucky to have you but somehow the part that is doing all the kittie work maybe can be tammed a bit? Hoping for you and family. Love Phillipa
Posted by kerria on November 26, 2011, at 10:32:29
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support » kerria, posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2011, at 23:57:06
Hi Phillipa,
Thank you- you are a very thoughtful and caring person.
i'm always in a lot of trouble bc people don't understand why i can't follow though or even remember things. i'm so disabled- even my T doesn't know or understand, angry at me just bc of how i am.
it's very discouraging and frustrating to not get any better. a whole year she's been my T and she doesn't understand how i am and is negative against me. Last week i even brought her a beautiful plant for Thanksgiving. i feel so hurt and alone now- the one person i thought understood really doesn't.
Posted by Phillipa on November 26, 2011, at 18:41:08
In reply to Re: So hurt by T- need support, posted by kerria on November 26, 2011, at 10:32:29
Kerria is there anything I can do for you? Is your husband treating you better? Hope the T treats you lots better. Phillipa
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