Posted by kerria on November 22, 2011, at 9:27:53
It's been a long time since i've posted.
a situation that happened yesterday with my T is so upsetting and i have no one to go to. i'm hoping someone can relate and help me to think about it another way bc i hate my thoughts. It's so hard for me to live and no one- even in my family understands. Most of the time everyone is angry with me for things i can't help. i have DID and i can't help that- it's not a choice i ever made. my life is a terrible mess but i'm doing the best i can do with everything.my T was good to want to help me but having my cat spayed- even at her vet- which is better than i could afford. If i didn't have DID i wouldn't spend so much money with things i don't agree with and can't afford- like feeding feral cats. It's so frustrating to live like this- i need help getting myself together- my parts to agree but my T probably doesn't know how to help me. She said she did but she never works with the parts who are ruining my life.
Last night at appt she offered to pay for my cat with kittens to be spayed at her vet and i was so happy and relieved to have her spayed. Then she called her vet and gave the phone to me- she became angry when i asked the if i could take her any other day beside the NEXT MORNING at 8AM- which is today. It was only 14 hours away and not enough time to be ready to get her there. She immediately grabbed the phone and told the vets "She is a MULTIPLE PROBLEMED person, i won't pay for it to be done any other time." i feel so so hurt that she told someone that about me, especially a vets where i was bringing my kitty. tears
Also i hate that she doesn't understand that i didn't do anything to get the way i am- having DID happened to me- i couldn't help being like this. She is negative towards me about it. She could have had it if she had a hard time in childhood too. She doesn't even know me at all- after more than 1 year of t. She had to ask why i was crying.At one point she was so mad at me -showed me her appt schedule saying "You are not busy like this." no- i am busy doing things that are mostly meaningless to most of me and everyone else- but not bc i want to be like this. i can't help being like this- i need help. that's why i go to t.
T then talked to my h. - she had me call him - he has an explosive temper out of no where- i have to stay at a domestic violence shelter sometimes bc it's not safe with him. She asked him to take me and my cat to the vet. SHE SET ME UP- she knows that he gets crazy angry in a car going anywhere with me who is late a lot bc of having parts.
Everything is wrong this morning. i hurt my neck and so can hardly move it. i'm all apart- devastated and hate myself and so disappointed that T was like she was and upset bc my cat didn't get spayed. Thanksgiving is in two days, i lost my mother recently- who loved me - no certain place to go bc my daughter is angry - saying that i'm not dependable when i love her and do my best. She can't accept that DID is a real disorder and i always try to be on time for everything i plan with her. it hurts so much to live.
poster:kerria
thread:1003353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111017/msgs/1003353.html