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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
...what I should do???
Some of you read my post up the page some, and know of the struggle I'm having with my T right now. My weekly appointment is supposed to be tomorrow. At my session last week I told her not to hold my hour for me because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be coming. She said she'd hold my hour for me and to let her know otherwise. I told her already, I am not coming. I told her my voice was paralyzed by what she said to me during our session. She told me she was TOO sympathetic towards me during the pregnancy of my daughter and adoption of my first grandchild. She basically told me no more voice mail's during the week because it muddles our work. This is after over 11 years of working with her! That's when I told her I wouldn't be back.
So....I do not plan to go tomorrow, I clearly don't want to see her or talk to her right now. She added hurt to my already hurt. Do I call and tell her I'm not coming or just not show up and see what she does????????? What would you do it you were in my shoes.LadyBug
Posted by Annierose on April 21, 2008, at 17:54:48
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
Well ... I think you are hoping for some kind of response from your therapist. I obviously do not know you or her so I can only imagine how my therapist would handle this scenario.
First of all, if I told her that I would not be there, then she would not hold my appointment for me. AND she would do nothing else. Maybe she would call in a week or two to confirm that I have terminated my treatment with her, or maybe she would send a letter. But that would be it. Even though she may not agree with my decision, she would accept it.
If you are hurt and clearly you are, the best way to resolve this turmoil is to continue the dialogue. Sometimes time away can help, other times it increases the misunderstanding.
I hope you feel better soon. I can understand why you are hurt and discouraged. But don't throw away a long term relationship without giving it at least one session to say "good-bye".
Posted by rskontos on April 21, 2008, at 18:09:35
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
LadyBug, I hear your pain and hurt. I too would have been very upset and probably angry over the treatment you rec'd. My T I think would have already called to see if I was coming so I am a little confused by her. Yes she said she was holding it open but I think she would still call to see. Has this ever happened before.
Now this is me and I am basically a cut and run person. I would run. Now is that the healthiest approach H@ll no. But that is what I would do. The adult me, says go in and work it out, the rest s of me's, and there are lot of them, would say crap no, you aren't going. I am not sure until the time came and went who would win but I am pretty sure it would not be adult me.:) Just my 2 cents worth.
I think you have alot of hurt over this. Can she do anything to improve it by talking at this point?
rsk
Posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 19:02:29
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
Hi Ladybug,
First of all (((((Ladybug))))
I think if you truly don't want to go, then don't. You don't need to call, you already told her already.
Now eventually it might be good to have some closure on this with her when you are ready. Would you be willing to start with a fresh T?
I am all for working things out with her, but if it isn't working for you, and she can't help you which you truly need, it is time to move on. I cared a lot about my old T, but when it came clear that things between us would never be okay, and the things he said would be hard to let go, I left. Now I am working with a wonderful T, and making progress. It can happen for you too.But for some reason, I feel you might not want to leave because you care for her so much, and are angry with her for "abandoning" you through one of the most painful periods in your life. Do you think you can move past this and have the relationship be beneficial to you again? If not, if she has hurt you beyond repair, please get someone else. I care about you and want you to be okay. Take care of yourself.
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2008, at 19:31:32
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
If I were in your shoes, I'd go. I'd want to know what was going on, how long she's been feeling like this, and in general a thorough analysis of everything.
I'd feel so hurt, but I don't think I could let go of a very long term relationship without trying to find out what had changed, if anything.
Plus... This is just me mind you, but I think I'd want to drain out all the energy in the relationship and if I did leave it, leave it limp and lifeless on the ground rather than tormenting me forevermore.
But that's me.
Posted by raisinb on April 21, 2008, at 20:56:32
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
LB, this is a really tough situation. Ideally, the best thing to do is to work it out, especially in a long-term relationship. But you are hurt, and you're scared of further hurt, which is understandable because it does not sound as if your therapist is on your side at the moment. Instead, it sounds like she's letting her own feelings/issues get in the way. So you, understandably, want a response, some reassurance from her, before you open yourself up again.
I don't know what the best thing do to is. I've been similar situations before with my therapist and I still don't know if I've done the right thing by sticking with her. I know I've reaped many amazing things from this relationship--but could another one have been better? Maybe.
I guess for what it's worth, I think it is very important to take care of yourself during such a difficult time. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to worry about what she does right now. If in time, she can correct herself and be on your side again, it has to be something she does. You're not responsible for what she does and doesn't choose to do, and you don't have to worry so much about whether you go or not, whether you call or not, because those little things won't make or break the success of the relationship. Just try to be good to yourself.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 21, 2008, at 21:23:46
In reply to Re: I have to wonder... » LadyBug, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2008, at 19:02:29
If you aren't going to go, I'd call. Otherwise she might charge you and that would certainly add to your stress.
Good luck!
Best,
EE
Posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 21:26:34
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
I think there is something in all your replies that makes sense to me. I called and left my T a voice mail to say I was letting her know I wasn't coming in, I said, thanks then hung up. Now I'm scared to death!!! If I know her like I think I do, she will call me sometime tomorrow and try to get me to come in anyway. I'm scared of her at the moment. She is going to put the blame on me for what has happened. I know her in that way too. She will own up to her part of it and if SHE thinks she's made any errors she'll tell me. But right now, I think she is blaming me, just me.
I asked my daughter what she thought I should do, nice, ask a 16 year old for advice? She said, don't go if you don't want to, but I'd probably call and let her know.
I know in my heart I have to have some peace of mind with this. She's played a big role in my life the past several years. I told her last week I was sorry if I hurt her in anyway. So do I need to apologize again? I think it's her turn. I'm so full of anxiety right now over this that I'm sick to my stomach. Why do I let this person have so much power over me?
I really appreciate ALL of your replies. I really do. I'm sorry I didn't respond to each of you separately.
I wish I dared go see her now, just not tomorrow. I wish she'd make a special time outside of her schedule to talk about this, like come to my house, not really, but that would be funny. That would never happen.
Ooooooooooooooh Dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
LadyBug
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 22, 2008, at 10:29:34
In reply to Re: reply to all of you, posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 21:26:34
Hey, sweetie: When you are that anxious about your T.....well, there is something wrong there. You (I would) could/should tell you EXACTLY what you have told us.
I cannot imagine a therapist saying she is TOO sympathetic, etc.???? That is just weird.
She doesn't sound like she has much empathy.
I understand your anxiety, but I think leaving without telling her EXACTLY how her behavior and treatment of you and your issues makes you feel, would be a mistake.
You need to say what you need to, and then if she blames you or CHOOSES to not understand, you may want to leave.
Staying in pain because of a t....is crazy (I know; i do it.)
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by LadyBug on April 22, 2008, at 14:13:37
In reply to I have to wonder..., posted by LadyBug on April 21, 2008, at 17:25:07
She called me on my cell today from her home. But she didn't leave me a message, no voice mails right?
My day has been made a little darker, I got a call from a bail bondsman telling me my husband is in jail and he wants me to help get him out. No way!
Man, my life.Wilted LadyBug with a snicker on my face ;o)
This is the end of the thread.
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