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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on June 1, 2007, at 22:11:29
My T has several times, and it usually is at the very beginning of my session. It almost seems like he has to get it out or something, like keeping it to himself is not good. It does feel good to hear this but it makes us vunerable to feeling special to the T, which isn't what a T 's suppose to do.
I wonder if they are preoccupied with a client, and telling them, sort of takes the energy out of it for them, maybe make it not happen as much for them. I remember people on Babble saying if we have feelings for our T's we should tell them , because it takes the power away from it, and the feelings become less intense. So I wonder if T's do this trick for themselves too.
My T has told me several times he doesn't know why but he thinks of me everytime he see's or hears a trumpet playing. He thinks of me when he waters his trumpet vine, he thinks of me a lot it seems on all different kind of stuff. I just wonder why he tells me, it feels sort of weird. There are lots of stuff that reminds him of me.It feels good but it is kind of scary too. He actually told me he missed me at the gym when I wasn't there. Does it seem that I am on my T's mind too much to you all? I kinda think so.
One time my allergist smacked me on the butt after a concert I was in and he came back stage. Okay, so I told my T about it, about this allergist who was very openly flirting with me.
Well he knows my allergist wife, because she is a med. specialist too, and my T was one of her patients before. So anyways they were at this chartity event, and he said all the could think about when he saw my allergist, was that he smacked my butt and was flirting with me, and when he saw his wife, all he could think was, hey your DH is flirting and smacking happyflowers butt. I thought this was funny, but it seems like he tells me alot about thinking of me.One of these days I am going to actually ask him what he thinks about when he thinks of me or is reminded of me. I mean he says he thinks of me, but what is he thinking? LOL
Posted by sunnydays on June 1, 2007, at 22:27:30
In reply to Why do T's tell us that they think of us?, posted by Happyflower on June 1, 2007, at 22:11:29
Why are T's not supposed to make us feel special? I'm asking this seriously, I don't understand that. My T has told me I'm special to him because he's learned a lot from me that has made him a better therapist (so he says) and that he's learned a lot about himself from working with me (and I'm dying to know what, but I refuse to ask because it's probably pretty personal).
I must say, though, it does sound like your T thinks about you an awful lot. My T has only told me a few times he has thought of me. I know he has thought of me sometimes when he hears a metaphor or something that reminded him of my situation. And he must think of me when I email him (which is a lot). But I know he's really good at managing his work and personal life and am pretty sure from the number of times he has forgotten to call me just from getting caught up doing other things that he doesn't think of his clients much when he's home.
Saying he missed you at the gym, though, could be perfectly innocent - like saying you missed someone when they were out sick from work. Not like intense longing missed, but just a noticing that the person wasn't there and wishing they were because their smile brightens your day. And I bet those other times he thinks of you are just sort of passing thoughts - I hope they aren't long drawn-out fantasies or anything. :)
Well, I'm so sleepy and need to go to bed, so sorry if this didn't make any sense.
sunnydays
Posted by JoniS on June 2, 2007, at 13:33:54
In reply to Why do T's tell us that they think of us?, posted by Happyflower on June 1, 2007, at 22:11:29
Happyflower,
I realize that T's and us both have to have boundaries, but I don't necessarily think your T is doing something weird or wrong unless you are becoming very uncomfortable with it, or you feel like he's flirting. I think it's awesome that your T thinks of you often and lets you know. It sounds like he is genuine, and like sunnydays said, what's wrong with our T's letting us know they think of us? My T has probably told me that 2-3 times over the past 4 years. I guess it's possible he is telling you that so that the feelings dont gain power over him, but obviously you are special to him, and hopefully it's in a professional T-to-Client sort of way. Ask him the question you said you'll ask sometime. Seems like you have that right, afterall, he brought it up.
I would love it if ,my T thought of me that often. Enjoy the good feeling - that's what I'd do.
Posted by Happyflower on June 2, 2007, at 17:45:00
In reply to Re: Why do T's tell us that they think of us?, posted by JoniS on June 2, 2007, at 13:33:54
I think the thing about being special is more about them treating us special like we are special to them or more important than other clients. We are all special in our own way, but T's have to be careful not to make us feel we are very special to them, like their real life relationships. I know I am not explaining this very well. Maybe it is when they start treating us different than other clients, ex. longer sessions, more disclosure, etc. They need to be objective, so they have to be careful how special we are to them in order to do so.
I think I might ask my T the question. But it is kinda one of those, what do you think of me, questions. I am not sure I want to put him on th espot like that. But I am wondering what he thinks when he thinks of me .
I know T's think about their clients, even when they say they don't take their work home with them. But why would he tell me this? Why is it important for me to know he thinks about me? Just wondering.
Posted by Happyflower on June 2, 2007, at 17:48:17
In reply to Thanks sunnydays and joniS, posted by Happyflower on June 2, 2007, at 17:45:00
I guess I could say it makes me feel a little awkward when my T says when he thinks of me. I don't think I want him to think about me or tell me. It is just weird. Sweet, but strange.
Posted by peddidle on June 3, 2007, at 1:34:48
In reply to Re: Thanks sunnydays and joniS, posted by Happyflower on June 2, 2007, at 17:48:17
Next time he brings it up, ask in a joking way-- when he says he was thinking of you, you could say something like "Oh really? Care to elaborate on that?" I guess that sounds pretty lame... I don't know exactly how you would say it, but something along those lines.
Or you could try to turn the tables on him. You could say something like "Can you explain that to me? Help me understand," or "I wonder why you felt you needed to tell me that," and see if he catches on. ;)
Posted by Happyflower on June 3, 2007, at 11:14:24
In reply to Re: Thanks sunnydays and joniS, posted by peddidle on June 3, 2007, at 1:34:48
LOL I would have a hard time controling my laugher if I tried that! Last session when he told me he didn't think I would like to play the guitar, I told him he was projecting his bad musical ablities onto me! lol
Posted by frida on June 3, 2007, at 19:29:19
In reply to Re: Thanks sunnydays and joniS » peddidle, posted by Happyflower on June 3, 2007, at 11:14:24
Dear Happyflower,
I think there's nothing wrong in being special to your T.My own T tells me I am special to her, that I've changed her own views as a T, that I've changed her life too, and made her feel and view things differently too. She has told me that we've built a relationship together and apart from the therapeutic alliance we have, there's real affection both ways.
She usually tells me when she thinks of me, she says that she thinks of me when she sees a little child or plays with her granddaughter, that it makes her think of what I went through and how fragile I was, and what it did to me...she tells me when a film reminds her of me, or a movie..she tells me that she's been thinking about a certain issue...or things like that...It really means a lot to me to hear.
We are all special in certain ways and I am sure you are special to your T and it is natural that she thinks of you.
just my feelings about it...
Frida
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