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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 4:22:45
During my third session my T drew a heck of a lot of unfounded conclusione (IMHO). As I was leaving he said we'd call it quits the next session, and he finished off by saying: "I don't think it's a good idea you play Florence Nightingale, but I'm sure you enjoy it and your colleagues benefit from it. You should quit playing an informal leader as you have no mandate for that. You should think of coming up with a way to handle stress." He smiled and said that that gave me something to think about.
What he doesn't know is that as a four-year-old I stayed in an orphanage where they beat the hell out of me. I was then molested by age 5 by a paedophile. My mother sent me abroad all alone to a country where I didn't know the language to complete strangers when I was nine. I have been through so many things it would take a book to describe them, not least of all having a relationship with a T, which makes me wary of Ts Of this my T knows absolutely nothing. After he had thrown that provocative trigger in my face he refused to reschedule for an earlier appt, din't ansewer calls or mails, was sick on the day I actually had an appointment and didn't get back for a new one. I had to send him three mails until he finally gave my a new appt. It's been six weeks and I haven't slept a single night.
Tomorrow I'm seeing him. I'm so angry I could scream, because I think he was insensitive not to say abusive. How would you react?
Penny
Posted by caraher on February 18, 2007, at 6:26:44
In reply to How would you react`?, posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 4:22:45
I have no idea how I'd react, frankly. (((Penny)))
I wonder how it is that you've come to this point in therapy without his knowing about these traumas that have shaped your life. I don't care what therapeutic orientation he has, at some level every T ought to know something of the personal history of the human being sitting in front of him!
So I have no idea how I'd react... I'm sorry you had to hear those things from him, and be treated so callously.
Posted by madeline on February 18, 2007, at 6:39:17
In reply to How would you react`?, posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 4:22:45
I would tell him exactly how you experienced what he said. I would do so as calmly as I could and then ask him why he said it after only three sessions.
I would also express concern over the resistance you had about getting another appointment.
I would listen to what he says in response and then decide whether or not to terminate.
Sometimes these "therapy bombs" can be very productive, but other times they are just hurtful. I would definately want to know what he was thinking.
Maddie
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2007, at 10:21:01
In reply to How would you react`?, posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 4:22:45
Are you in an area where you really don't have much choice in therapists?
When my therapist moved out of town temporarily, I had two other therapists. Neither were a good match for me. It was instantly clear that the first wasn't a good match, as she was too confrontational for me to take in what she was saying.
The second took a bit longer to figure out that she wasn't a good match. I'm still not altogether sure why not, other than I think she developed some fixed conclusions that I didn't think were really quite right and operated from those conclusions.
In other words, there are a heck of a lot of frogs out there, and you might have to weed some out before you find a good therapist.
I'd expect an awfully good explanation for the difficulty scheduling an appointment. That seems rather unprofessional, unless he has a very good explanation.
But he had already said he was going to consider the next session your last? That doesn't bode well.
It's true that they aren't mindreaders, and they can't really know anything we don't tell them. But an experienced therapist ought to know that people don't necessarily blurt out their real issues even by the third session. Sometimes it takes time to build up trust. If he has a really short term focus, he might not be willing to put in that time.
In short, there's nothing wrong with giving it one more try, but if it doesn't work out, don't blame yourself or think that therapy won't work. If you have the option of trying a different therapist if this one doesn't work out, please do. Just because one doesn't work out doesn't mean they all won't.
Posted by frida on February 18, 2007, at 10:36:37
In reply to Re: How would you react`? » DisTraught, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2007, at 10:21:01
That would make me feel so unsafe.
I don't know, I think I would ask for an explanation, but I would probably look for another T...
How can he expect you'll trust him enough to share your life history and be done in 3 sessions?
It took me years to trust my T.I think you need another T...more compassionate, professional and sensitive...
I agree with Dinah I hope you don't give up on therapy altogether, there are good Ts out there...
I'm sorry you had this experience
Frida
Posted by vwoolf on February 18, 2007, at 10:59:08
In reply to Re: How would you react`?, posted by frida on February 18, 2007, at 10:36:37
I would be looking for someone else before I developed too much of an attachment to this T. He does not appear to have your best interests at heart if he can leave you waiting for six weeks when you have clearly expressed your distress. With a history like yours, I might look for a female therapist who has some background in trauma. A good place to start looking might be your nearest Rape Crisis organisation.
Sorry, I may sound dogmatic, but it all feels wrong to me. You need to stregthen yourself in a nuturing, supportive, safe relationship. This doesn't feel like any of these things. If you really like him, perhaps you can go back to him once you are stronger.
Posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 11:31:54
In reply to Re: How would you react`?, posted by vwoolf on February 18, 2007, at 10:59:08
Thank you for your much needed support! I really, really needed it. Tomorrow I will give him a lesson in my life before I call it quits. He is not good for me.
I have been awake between 2.a.m. and 5a.m. ever since my last appt six weeks ago and I work full time and have two kids. I simply can't take it. Thank gid I'm on meds:)Penny
Posted by muffled on February 25, 2007, at 0:15:05
In reply to Re: How would you react`?, posted by DisTraught on February 18, 2007, at 11:31:54
Posted by DisTraught on February 25, 2007, at 3:01:53
In reply to how'd it go? (nm) » DisTraught, posted by muffled on February 25, 2007, at 0:15:05
I shocked him:). He had no idea he had triggered me so hard. He thought it was perfectly neutral to say : "You are...." "You are..." "You are....".
I walked in, said I was upset and said that the session was mine and that I was about to own it. I then walked up to the whyteboard in his room and in a cool and structured way give him a presentation of me and my life, using reday-made slips and magnets. I said that even if I sidetracked here and there so it annoyed him, he'd have to live with it.
He concluded that I had been subject to an incredible amount of abuse and that I had developed a hell of a lot of capabilities.I felt good about myself afterwards. I had collected on a spreadsheet at home the defining moments in my life, and, stepping back and looking at it I could see that I had survived a hell of a lot of difficulties. In other words, I am strong as hell. So I am going to start to regard the negative experiences as a treasure. I've learnt a hell of a lot from them.
From now on I will look forward. I'm going to make a spreadsheet of all the fun things I would like to do in future. I'm going to be nice to me. I deserve it:)So does everyone else on this list.
Penny
Posted by sunnydays on February 25, 2007, at 10:12:18
In reply to how'd it go?(((muffled((((, posted by DisTraught on February 25, 2007, at 3:01:53
So are you going to give him another chance? Or are you done with therapy? It sounds to me like even though you realize you're strong, you still might benefit from some therapy. Frankly, I wish everyone had the opportunity to have therapy. :)
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on February 25, 2007, at 10:45:53
In reply to how'd it go?(((muffled((((, posted by DisTraught on February 25, 2007, at 3:01:53
I think I can learn from you Penny!
Glad you gave it back to him! HA!
Good on ya!
Dam rights you tough.
All who survive such crazy sh*t in our lives is tough.
My T, I thot her a wimpy one.
HA! But underneath she TOUGH!
Nice to meet you.Hope to see plenty of you here on babble. There's good folk here.
Muffled
Posted by DisTraught on February 26, 2007, at 2:08:20
In reply to Re: how'd it go?(((muffled((((, posted by sunnydays on February 25, 2007, at 10:12:18
I guess I'm through with therapy. I don't know if it will do any good. I cannot change the past, only how I perceive it, and I've decided to look at my past as a treasure. A T can never do anything for me, I have to do it myself. And so far I've only met braindead Ts. Finding a good one is like looking for a needle in a haystack, and I'd rather use that time on something more fun and rewarding.
Penny
Posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 11:38:14
In reply to Re: how'd it go?((Sunnydays)), posted by DisTraught on February 26, 2007, at 2:08:20
> I guess I'm through with therapy. I don't know if it will do any good. I cannot change the past, only how I perceive it, and I've decided to look at my past as a treasure. A T can never do anything for me, I have to do it myself. And so far I've only met braindead Ts. Finding a good one is like looking for a needle in a haystack, and I'd rather use that time on something more fun and rewarding.
>
> Penny
>**The past cannot be changed, and it sounds like you have a good attitude.
Trauma is processed differently by different people. What is trauma for one, is seeminly nothing to another. We are all different.
My hubby had a fairly traumatic childhood, but functions well, perhaps as a result of it?! But then there's me....sigh.
IMHO T is only requiered if you are not functioning well in your day to day life. Short term T is good for life stuff that crops up. Long term T is aimed at restoring better quality of life to thise who don't function well for whatever reason.
Many people have some longer term T, stop for years, but go back again for awhile as needed.
So just because there is trauma does not mean you NEED T. Not all do.
There does seem to be a variety of T's out there. There are some that mebbe should not be in the T business at all, there are some that are good, but get in over their heads, etc etc. IMHO its about FIT. And I think too, that it takes time to "fit" with your T. I have not always gotten along w/my T, but we work it out, cuz she has very strong ethics, she is pretty honest with me, and while she is flawed (of course!lol!)she is a good 'fit' on the whole for me. She has been very helpful to me.
So if you think you might need some help, keep looking, but don't expect an instant good fit.
If you don't, then spend all the money you save on FUN STUFF!
My time will come.
Meanwhile, I budget.
Take care.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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