![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 16:52:08
Here's a short timeline. 3 weeks ago, Laurie forgets our appointment. 2 days later, I cant handle it anymore and go to the ER and start partial. Later that week, Anne doesnt call me back for 5 days even though she said she would. Several days after that, she drops me, but doesnt have the guts to tell me herself. I cry my eyes out for several days. A few days later, I finish partial. Randy has a new T he wants to set me up with, and leaves her a message to see if shes taking new clients. He didnt give me her contact info and said he'd call me back once he talked to her to let me know. If she wasnt taking clients, he had some other Ts in mind. That was last Thursday.
Now it's Wednesday night, 6 days later. Randy never called. I finished partial better than when I started, but still in a very shakey, somewhat suicidal, scary place, having just lost my therapist of a year... and now, no follow up. Nothing. No new therapist, unless I pick one out of a phone book at this point. Shouldnt they move to set someone up quickly with outpatient help after a program like this? Especially given where I'm at with anne and everything?
Is this a joke? It sometimes feels like there is someone (God? I dont know) watching me and getting a huge kick out of this, saying "gotcha!"
I'm going to call Randy tomorrow.. but this hurts so bad. Why does this keep happening to me? I know that sometimes when the same bad thing keeps happening it means you need to look at your own part in it.. but really, what could I have done wrong here? He said he'd call me about this woman. I dont even have her contact info. There's nothing I can do to set this up for myself unless I just pick someone on my own, but he said he had someone in mind. I guess he forgot? The irrational part of me is screaming now that everything he told me and that I got a grasp on in partial (that I'm an okay person, etc) is just bullsh*t.
Part of me is saying that I'm done with therapy. Really, done. Yes, I'm hurting and having a bad time.. but every time I reach out for help, it's not reliable. I trusted Randy so much (and I still do to some degree) but I just need someone to be reliable for once. To prove to me that theyre safe and I can trust them. I know I overreact to this phone call thing.. it hits my abandonment fears big time. But what else would it look like but abandonment? Its an issue of mine for sure.. but having no one be reliable does not help me work on it.
I'm really not sure I can trust any more Ts right now. Every time I do, it ends up hurting.
I'm feeling myself slip, very quickly, back into my pre-partial hosp. place. My bedroom is quickly becoming a disaster again, I'm having trouble getting out of bed, I'm not doing any school work. I can tell myself I love myself all I want (that was a big focus of partial) but that really doesnt help me get out of bed in the morning. I just hate being alive right now.
I'm sorry all my posts are so long. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read them. It helps to get it out, i guess. I swear I'll start being more supportive of you all as well once I get myself a little more together. I really will.
I see Laurie on Friday. Part of me just wants to collapse into a heap of tears on her floor, but the much bigger part just doesnt want to talk. We'll see.
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 27, 2006, at 17:08:44
In reply to Is this a joke? (long, as always), posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 16:52:08
I hope Randy's phone call to you has been unavoidably detained for a very good reason. I agree that you should call him tomorrow and figure out what's up. I'm wondering if he's had a hard time finding a therapist with an opening. I don't have a good feel for how booked most of them stay. Mine is ridiculously booked and in "semi-retirement" mode, so she's not a typical example.
All I can tell you, from personal experience this week, is to try to give Randy the benefit of the doubt until you get hold of him. Okay?
Posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 17:15:54
In reply to Re: Is this a joke? (long, as always) » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on September 27, 2006, at 17:08:44
yes.. I know you're right about giving him the benefit of the doubt. While I was there, he was amazing and seemed to really genuinely care in a way that is hard to fake for an extended period of time. But if hes forgetten about me already....
He wasnt even supposed to schedule for me, so when I'd be able to get in with new T shouldnt be the issue. He was just calling to see if shes taking new patients before I called to schedule. I guess him and this woman are close personal friends.
Aside from that, I dont know busy she is.. shes in a town about 30 min from here, but its similar in size to my town... here, I can get in with a T in usually about a week or 10 days. But not if I dont have the phone number... ugh.
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 17:40:44
In reply to Re: Is this a joke? (long, as always) » TherapyGirl, posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 17:15:54
WishingStar,
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I just found out that Sept. is when a lot of people are trying to find T's. College kids are coming back to school and trying to get their lives together and all that stuff. Definitely call Randy. He really should be in contact with YOU, especially given that you have been discharged without a referral. This is not professional on his part. I'm sorry that it's making you feel lousy. Definitely not your fault. It's Randy's fault.I don't know who Laurie is, but can she help you out with a referral? Can she help you put some pressure on Randy to get this moving along (pronto!)?
Anyways, please hang in there. You did the right thing by going to partial. It helped you with a very difficult termination, if nothing else. You stay strong and take good care of yourself. If your bedroom is a metaphor for your wellbeing, maybe you can spend 10 minutes picking up your laundry?
extra cyber fluffies for you. hoping a nice new T comes your way ASAP.
-Li
Posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 21:35:29
In reply to Re: Is this a joke? (long, as always) » wishingstar, posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 17:40:44
Thank you for saying that this isnt my fault. On one level I know it's not (what else could I have done?) but at the same time, how can this possibly keep happening to me? I just dont know.
Laurie is a T that I saw over the summer for about 8 sessions when I was staying in the DC area. I also saw her many years ago, so it was like a reunion of sorts. Shes great.. but 2 hours away from my home, and that's just too far to commute every week. She also doesnt take my insurance. But she agreed to help me through the transition from Anne to the new T by seeing me a few times, since shes someone I feel safe with. She couldnt really give me a referral because she doesnt know my area at all. She also doesnt know Randy or the hospital I was doing partial at.
Part of me really wants to call Anne and say "I know you're not my T anymore, but PLEASE, I need someone to talk to right now". But I know I'd regret it in the end and it wouldnt be helpful. I wont do it. I just want to.
Posted by Jost on September 27, 2006, at 22:02:08
In reply to Re: Is this a joke? (long, as always) » Lindenblüte, posted by wishingstar on September 27, 2006, at 21:35:29
The thing is, wishingstar: it just isn't your fault.
Even if you've experienced what feels like a lack of caring from some people you've worked with, the fault, or responsibility, doesn't lie with you. No matter what you supposedly may/may not have "done" to elicit the reactions. -- That's what being a professional is all about-- especially in the mental health field.
I don't mean by this that Randy, or Laurie, even though she forgot an appointment-- or even if he neglected to call-- bad enough in themselves-- don't have personal feelings, and a personal relationship with you. If you felt something real with Randy, you were feeling something that was real. Even in "professional" contacts, people are people, and the emotions they feel really are personal.
Yet he and Laurie and Anne do have a particular responsibility not to let you down. They have a special obligation to be the person you can count on for what they promise, in the sphere that they promise it.
I'm really sorry this has happened so much recently. But even though it's happened lately, you absolutely have the right to expect, and receive more.
I hope you don't give up on yourself.
It is terribly hurtful and disappointing, but it won't always be like this, because if you have trusted people who didn't live up to it, you'll learn how to judge and to trust better as you go on. It's a difficult learning experience for all of us, and there are lots of setbacks, but also can be accomplishments that last and make changes.
Jost
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:29:59
In reply to Re: It isn't your fault, posted by Jost on September 27, 2006, at 22:02:08
Sorry WS.
Yeah, I'd phone Randy.
People will ALWAYS dissapoint you at some time or another. Cuz its the human condition.
We will hurt the ones we love inadvertently.
Cuz we human, we screw up.
My T has screwed up. But didn't mean to hurt me.
Hurt me more by seeming unaffected by it.
But mebbe she just hiding it.
I dunno.
But its the way it is.
Sometimes people forget stuff. Not cuz they don't care. Just life gets SO busy.
Sigh.
Don't really help much I suppose.
Take special care,
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on September 28, 2006, at 16:32:06
In reply to Re: It isn't your fault, posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:29:59
Thanks muffled and jost for the comments.. I know you are both right. Most of me knows it. This isnt about me. But I just dont know what else I can possibly to do protect myself here. I dont feel like there was anything I could have done to avoid these situations, aside from not trusting them to begin with. If they say theyll call, I expect it in less than 5 days... that doesnt feel ridiculous. I know it isnt. But what else can I do but shut myself down? This is way too painful.
I did call Randy today, and he called me back an hour or so later. He said he was sorry and that he'd forgotten.. he thought he'd already called me but he realized he never did. Why the heck am I so forgettable? I know he (they.. anne, laurie..) have lots of clients and I'm certainly not any more important than any of them, but really.. why am I the one who is so easy to forget? Do I need to be more ridiculous and dance on tables in sessions? Not really of course, but come on... I dont understand. I dont.
He said that the new T has agreed to see me. He said that she was pretty full but agreed to see me "as a personal favor" for him. I wish he hadnt told me that. Now I feel like she doesnt really want me there, and I've never even met her. I dont want to be a favor.. favors are things people dont really want to do but do anyway for whatever reason. I dont expect her to jump up and down and be thrilled to see me or anything.. its her job, and shes never met me. But still. I dont want to be the "sure, i guess, if i have to" patient.. even though she chose to, there is an element of that in there.
So I will call her tomorrow morning to set up an appointment. Randy said to call him if I have trouble contacting her. If I have trouble, shes out. No way. Not after everything the past few weeks.. I dont want someone I have to fight to get in contact with.
I know I'm making all sorts of big judgments completely prematurely. I see Laurie tomorrow (shes helping with the transition) and I'm sure shell help me sort some of this out. I guess I'm just in a whiny sort of mood. Its rainy and gross here today. Oh well.
Posted by annierose on September 28, 2006, at 17:13:34
In reply to update... talked to randy, posted by wishingstar on September 28, 2006, at 16:32:06
You are entitled to feel whiny. And I agree that Randy should not have offered up, "She agreed to see you as a favor for me." As a business owner, I sometimes think people say that to give you (wishingstar) the impression that he worked hard on your behalf. What I'm trying to say, it is certainly possible, if not probable, that she did not say that. Randy just may want to feel important in this situation.
I would give this T a solid chance. And she should call you within a day or two. I'm hoping that it works out, that maybe she is one of the good Ts out there. You deserve that. You can leave your expectations in your message, "I'm calling to make an appointment and I would like to do that as soon as possible. Best times to reach me are xxx, and xxx."
Let us know how it goes.
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 28, 2006, at 17:43:13
In reply to update... talked to randy, posted by wishingstar on September 28, 2006, at 16:32:06
I'm glad you called Randy and I'm glad you have a name.
Now I think you should try to reframe the whole favor thing. The stuff you wrote about that is the depression talking, I promise you it is. What he probably meant to convey with that is that this woman doesn't need the business, but she agreed to see you because he believes she can help you and she believes him. Or any number of things other than "She doesn't really want to see me, he forced her into it." Okay?
Try to go in with an open mind.
Posted by wishingstar on September 30, 2006, at 9:04:15
In reply to Re: update... talked to randy » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on September 28, 2006, at 17:43:13
Well, the "new T" called yesterday. She said she only works 2 days a week so she cant see me this week.. so I have an appointment for Tuesday the 10th. She seemed very nice on the phone. I gave her my address and she said she used to live in the very same apartment complex.. weird, huh? And since I dont have mental health insurance, I've been paying Laurie and Anne out of pocket ($75 and $45) but the best part is, this woman works for a nonprofit org so I'll only be having to pay her $10 a session! That will be a huge help for me.
I also saw Laurie yesterday. Laurie is wonderful. It wasnt a perfect session, if that even exists.. there are some things she missed I wish she hadnt.. but overall, it went well. We talked about how I feel so invisible and no one ever clls me back. I didnt talk much about it because the tears were just too close (I have a very hard time crying in front of people) and she let me change the topic. I sort of wish she hadnt, but at the same time, I'm glad she did. We talked about termination when I start with the new T abd it feels okay. Laurie said that just because I stop doesnt mean I cant ever come back.. and I really feel like she means it. I dont feel like I'm losing her forever. (I saw her 6 years ago and then took a long break before seeing her now as well). I told her that we didnt need a termination, she could just call Randy and let him know and that'd be just fine and she laughed and said okay, shed do that (it was, of course, a play on what Anne did.. Laurie would never do that). Anyway, thats longer than I meant for this to me. I hate that I cant keep seeing Laurie, but I guess I feel pretty good about this new woman so far.
Laurie was encouraging me to think about going back into partial. I just finished a week and a half ago. I told her I dont think its possible.. group is always helpful, but all the workshops would be the same, and many didnt apply to me the first time around even (I dont have anxiety issues, and many focused on that). But I'm still spending a lot of time in bed, just unable to do anything. She wants me to call Randy to talk about this. Maybe I will... but I really dont think theres much he can do. I just have to wait until I find some meds that work.
Posted by ElaineM on September 30, 2006, at 12:12:25
In reply to appt with new T, posted by wishingstar on September 30, 2006, at 9:04:15
Hi Wishingstar. I haven't written in awhile but I've been reading everything you've posted. All the stuff happening to you makes me sad for you -- and your story hits home in a way. When you feel like you've tried your hardest to ask for help and it just doesn't come, time and time again. And all people can do is encourage you to keep on trying, but you're heart is just like, I can't do it again if only nothing is gonna happen! How many times does a person have to plead? And then each time help does not come you just get more and more paralyzed and hopeless, and all your energy keeps draining out and away from you. It is hard to go through that and it's hard to witness someone else go through the same. (((WS))) I'm sorry I haven't said more before -- I care more than the amount I post, I just can't do it sometimes.
I'm amazed by how you keep persisting. I'm glad that you are. But I do know that you're barely getting by. I can hear that you're losing your daily functioning again, and that you're hurting. I don't want you to think that I'm underestimating your pain. I always used to get so sad and feel even more unheard when CC would be like, "Well you came here. You are still fighting". And all I could think of was that even though they can look deceptively similar, there's a huge difference between proactive behaviour and desperation. And if the person I was coming to couldn't, or refused, to see the difference, then no one would notice when I really got into the danger zone. (kinda reminds me of the poem, "...not waving but drowning")
The thing with Randy forgetting to call is tough. It sounded to me from what you've written of him that he did/does care for you -- but I know that it's so easy to question that when slip-ups happen. I'm glad that you called him though, at least he thought you were worth searching around for a good T for. I know you thought it made you into an obligation or something, but when I read it I thought it sounded like a compliment -- would he do that for every person that went through the partial program? I mean, I guess you're past that part and at least the end result sounds like it might be worth it -- a nice T to listen to you (and for $10 a session!) I'm nervous for you and Li starting with new T's, nervous and excited. I want it to go well for both of you. I'll be waiting to hear how Tuesday goes. Keep getting through another day.
((((((Wishingstar))))))
blove, EL
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 30, 2006, at 12:30:33
In reply to appt with new T, posted by wishingstar on September 30, 2006, at 9:04:15
New T sounds good. I hope it goes well. After the first session, will she be able to fit you in once/week? The two-day/week schedule might well be why she hesitated -- she's probably not really accepting new clients, but she did for Randy because he thought she could help you.
Glad the session with Laurie was helpful. Please continue to keep us updated.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.