Posted by ElaineM on September 30, 2006, at 12:12:25
In reply to appt with new T, posted by wishingstar on September 30, 2006, at 9:04:15
Hi Wishingstar. I haven't written in awhile but I've been reading everything you've posted. All the stuff happening to you makes me sad for you -- and your story hits home in a way. When you feel like you've tried your hardest to ask for help and it just doesn't come, time and time again. And all people can do is encourage you to keep on trying, but you're heart is just like, I can't do it again if only nothing is gonna happen! How many times does a person have to plead? And then each time help does not come you just get more and more paralyzed and hopeless, and all your energy keeps draining out and away from you. It is hard to go through that and it's hard to witness someone else go through the same. (((WS))) I'm sorry I haven't said more before -- I care more than the amount I post, I just can't do it sometimes.
I'm amazed by how you keep persisting. I'm glad that you are. But I do know that you're barely getting by. I can hear that you're losing your daily functioning again, and that you're hurting. I don't want you to think that I'm underestimating your pain. I always used to get so sad and feel even more unheard when CC would be like, "Well you came here. You are still fighting". And all I could think of was that even though they can look deceptively similar, there's a huge difference between proactive behaviour and desperation. And if the person I was coming to couldn't, or refused, to see the difference, then no one would notice when I really got into the danger zone. (kinda reminds me of the poem, "...not waving but drowning")
The thing with Randy forgetting to call is tough. It sounded to me from what you've written of him that he did/does care for you -- but I know that it's so easy to question that when slip-ups happen. I'm glad that you called him though, at least he thought you were worth searching around for a good T for. I know you thought it made you into an obligation or something, but when I read it I thought it sounded like a compliment -- would he do that for every person that went through the partial program? I mean, I guess you're past that part and at least the end result sounds like it might be worth it -- a nice T to listen to you (and for $10 a session!) I'm nervous for you and Li starting with new T's, nervous and excited. I want it to go well for both of you. I'll be waiting to hear how Tuesday goes. Keep getting through another day.
((((((Wishingstar))))))
blove, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:689654
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/690542.html