Posted by wishingstar on September 28, 2006, at 16:32:06
In reply to Re: It isn't your fault, posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:29:59
Thanks muffled and jost for the comments.. I know you are both right. Most of me knows it. This isnt about me. But I just dont know what else I can possibly to do protect myself here. I dont feel like there was anything I could have done to avoid these situations, aside from not trusting them to begin with. If they say theyll call, I expect it in less than 5 days... that doesnt feel ridiculous. I know it isnt. But what else can I do but shut myself down? This is way too painful.
I did call Randy today, and he called me back an hour or so later. He said he was sorry and that he'd forgotten.. he thought he'd already called me but he realized he never did. Why the heck am I so forgettable? I know he (they.. anne, laurie..) have lots of clients and I'm certainly not any more important than any of them, but really.. why am I the one who is so easy to forget? Do I need to be more ridiculous and dance on tables in sessions? Not really of course, but come on... I dont understand. I dont.
He said that the new T has agreed to see me. He said that she was pretty full but agreed to see me "as a personal favor" for him. I wish he hadnt told me that. Now I feel like she doesnt really want me there, and I've never even met her. I dont want to be a favor.. favors are things people dont really want to do but do anyway for whatever reason. I dont expect her to jump up and down and be thrilled to see me or anything.. its her job, and shes never met me. But still. I dont want to be the "sure, i guess, if i have to" patient.. even though she chose to, there is an element of that in there.
So I will call her tomorrow morning to set up an appointment. Randy said to call him if I have trouble contacting her. If I have trouble, shes out. No way. Not after everything the past few weeks.. I dont want someone I have to fight to get in contact with.
I know I'm making all sorts of big judgments completely prematurely. I see Laurie tomorrow (shes helping with the transition) and I'm sure shell help me sort some of this out. I guess I'm just in a whiny sort of mood. Its rainy and gross here today. Oh well.
poster:wishingstar
thread:689654
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/689993.html