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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 11, 2006, at 18:17:25
Last week was my first session since my very emotional one the week before. I just felt odd the whole time.
I felt it was hard to open up about the serious stuff. I think my T saw this too, he was looking strange at me because he would ask something and I would be speechless. Like he asked, Soooo, how is you and the Bobster doing now days? First of all he has never called my DH that, and I thought it was odd to open that conversation like that. Plus it is the one subject I didn't feel like talking about because it was part of why I was so emotional the week before. Normally I am very open with him, but this time I just sort of didn't want to talk about this. It was like I wasn't sure if I wanted to open up to him because of how I reacted the week before.
It seemed like this session was mostly a "light" session, maybe him trying to repair some of the craziness that has happened over the last month. I really got out of control and I have learned something from it, but I want to make sure I don't go down that path again.
I just wonder what he is thinking about when it come to me. Does any of this make any sense?Plus I saw a picture of his wife too and now I feel weird about that too.
Posted by muffled on June 11, 2006, at 21:20:41
In reply to Therapy feels different, posted by happyflower on June 11, 2006, at 18:17:25
Yeah, I get like that too. Lots.
Its all the little stuff the snowballs and get me all mixed up.
You are a very perceptive person and if anyone can figger it out HF can!!!!
Sorry its hard :-(
Take care you,
Muffled.
Posted by Karolina on June 11, 2006, at 23:12:24
In reply to Therapy feels different, posted by happyflower on June 11, 2006, at 18:17:25
I think sometimes after we've been through something particularly traumatic or dramatic, we don't know quite what to do afterwards. It's kind of like after 2 people have an argument, and have said really mean things and screamed at each other. Once they finally apologize, it's kind of they don't know exactly what to say next.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it all feels *awkward* at first....Maybe you were feeling slightly awkward about opening up after how things had gone that week before. And it sounds like he was trying to be sensitive to your feelings and keep things light since he knew you didn't feel like getting into the deeper stuff right then.
I wonder what my T thinks of me too. It sounds like your T cares a lot about you and is really laid-back, like doesnt push you to talk about stuff you don't want to.
What does the wife look like?? It makes me feel weird to remember 'oh yea, my T is married...' and his wife is a witch! I talked to them one night when we were at the same restaurant and she practically stared (or really, glared) a hole through me the whole time, and barely said nice to meet you when he introduced me to her!! Oh well...
Hope things go better for you at your next appointment.
-Karolina-
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2006, at 8:14:04
In reply to Therapy feels different, posted by happyflower on June 11, 2006, at 18:17:25
My therapist distresses me no end by telling me that our therapeutic relationship, like everything else around here, is different and may never be the same again. But that it doesn't have to be a bad different, just a different different.
Now to me, there isn't much of a difference between bad different and different different, but I think that's part of my psychopathology.
Relationships are constantly growing and changing. Drat it. Maybe now that you have a fuller picture of him, you'll never be able to see him quite the way you used to. But maybe that'll be ok. Maybe it will even be a good thing.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 9:35:54
In reply to Maybe it is, a bit » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2006, at 8:14:04
I think you might be right, it will never feel the same. I feel that I hit his boundry walls hard and suffered a concussion I think. No, we can't ever be friends, and now I am not sure I even want to.
I saw his running picture and he didn't look as attractive as I once thought, and I see him running all the time at the gym. I thought he looked kinda of dorky. LOL But I shouldn't talk because my picture looks dumb too. LOL
Today I saw him at the gym for the first time in weeks and I froze. He made non verbal conversation with me and I am like "whatever, leave me alone".(this is what I was thinking to myself) but I just tried to be polite and smile. I guess his magic is over. LOL
It is a little sad because I still feel that special connection but I now know it will go no where, that he doesn't feel the same way and really doesn't want anything to do with me once therapy is over. I feel the same way after my friend died in a car accident after our graduation, the was the last time I felt that connection since my T. And now my T had died.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 9:36:35
In reply to Maybe it is, a bit » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2006, at 8:14:04
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2006, at 9:43:14
In reply to Re: Maybe it is, a bit, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 9:35:54
He doesn't have to die to you, or not be special to you. You just need to do a slight readjustment in your view of him.
I do it all the time in all my relationships.
He never could be what you wanted him to be, any more than my therapist could ever have been what I wanted him to be.
But that doesn't mean he can't be something good and valuable.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 10:11:57
In reply to Re: Maybe it is, a bit » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2006, at 9:43:14
Thanks Dinah,
I will try to remember what you said, but I guess I am still doing the black and white thinking. It is like he has to be all or nothing to me. It is so painful, and I know you know what I am talking about.
Posted by Karolina on June 12, 2006, at 11:47:28
In reply to Therapy feels different, posted by happyflower on June 11, 2006, at 18:17:25
sorry I was just thinking that maybe my post wasn't very relevant to what you were really talking about. I meant well/was trying to help but it was late so I don't know if it made any sense, I'm sorry! =(
-Karolina-
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 12:04:40
In reply to Re: Therapy feels different, posted by Karolina on June 12, 2006, at 11:47:28
Hi Karolina,
Actually I did respond to your post,but the pc was so slow, It ate it before I had a chance to realize what happened. LOL
Your post did help me, I am just kinda lost about what I feel lately.
I would love to tell my T that his wife could have done better! LOL But I heard she is sorta of bitchy. My stepdaugher just told me this weekend she had her for English, and she said she was a piece of work. LOL My stepdaugher doesn't know how I know this lady for real, I was just asking her opion who to take for English, and she told me to stay away from her! LOL Plus on rate your professior website she isn't rated too well. Do you think I should tell my T that my SD thought she was a b*tch? LOL I guess I better behave, I have caused enough trouble lately for him. LOL But it is kinda of funny.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 12:10:48
In reply to Re: Therapy feels different » Karolina, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 12:04:40
Today when I saw him jogging, he was stopping and walking and he quit early so I am worried about him because of his heart condition. But I guess it could be something else too, but still , I don't want him to die either while I am there or later.
Posted by Tamar on June 12, 2006, at 13:16:34
In reply to Re: Maybe it is, a bit, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 9:35:54
HF, sometimes I read your posts and I think I could have written them…
> I think you might be right, it will never feel the same. I feel that I hit his boundry walls hard and suffered a concussion I think. No, we can't ever be friends, and now I am not sure I even want to.
I wish instead of just hitting us with their boundaries they would try to be a bit more understanding about how it feels to us. I’m so sick of my therapist saying no and seeming to assume it needs no more discussion.
> I saw his running picture and he didn't look as attractive as I once thought, and I see him running all the time at the gym. I thought he looked kinda of dorky. LOL But I shouldn't talk because my picture looks dumb too. LOL
I can’t imagine I’d ever look good in a picture taken after I’d been running. But then I look terrible in most photographs!
> Today I saw him at the gym for the first time in weeks and I froze. He made non verbal conversation with me and I am like "whatever, leave me alone".(this is what I was thinking to myself) but I just tried to be polite and smile. I guess his magic is over. LOL
Does it feel as if he took it away? That’s how I feel sometimes. It’s not just gone; he’s taken it away from me.
> It is a little sad because I still feel that special connection but I now know it will go no where, that he doesn't feel the same way and really doesn't want anything to do with me once therapy is over. I feel the same way after my friend died in a car accident after our graduation, the was the last time I felt that connection since my T. And now my T had died.
Can you talk to him about your sadness? Obviously this sense of connection is very important to you; there are very few people who you’ve felt that way about. And even if he doesn’t share your feelings, he ought to feel privileged and honoured that you feel that way about him. Can’t he at least talk to you about why the connection is so important to you? I mean, I’m not an expert, but I’d guess that someone with toxic parents would feel particularly strongly about people who make them feel safe and comforted. And if that’s how it is with your feelings for him, that’s really important. And it’s especially important because he’s not in a position to offer you unlimited safety and comfort. So what do you do with the feeling of disappointment at his unavailability? Can he help you with that?
Just my two cents…
Tamar
Posted by orchid on June 12, 2006, at 14:41:49
In reply to And another thing, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 12:10:48
I hope with time and effort and patience, you will come to understand for yourself everything that needs to be understood to heal yourself and be happy.
Actually, I have lost the handle on your relationship with your T and I don't think I understand the dynamics of what is going on very well, so I am afraid I am not very helpful. I hope though, that you are able to have a very happy therapeutic relationship and a good ending that will leave you whole and happy.
Posted by happyflower on June 13, 2006, at 20:02:25
In reply to Re: Maybe it is, a bit » happyflower, posted by Tamar on June 12, 2006, at 13:16:34
Hi Tamar,
Ya, maybe it does feel like he has taken it away from me. It was fun while it lasted though. We have talked about me needing him the other week, the one where I dropped a couple of tears for the first time. I think it might have scared him, because they were tears about HIM, about me needing him , and he wasn't there for me. I don't know if I want to talk about it anymore with him because I don't think it will help. I have tried before to talk about this connection with him and I think at first he was complimented by it and now I think it worries him about my attachment. I don't think he likes being the bad guy hurting me, but he has to, in order to be ethical, or we would of had mad sex a long time ago I think. LOL I just don't know what I think or he thinks anymore. Things just feel different.
Posted by Karolina on June 14, 2006, at 20:31:11
In reply to Re: Therapy feels different » Karolina, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 12:04:40
ohh ok...well I'm glad it helped then, I was just worried I got way off subject, I've been out of it lately sorry! =)
LOL I wonder what he would say if you told him that your SD thought she was bitchy! My T's wife is bitchy too!!
-Karolina-
Posted by happyflower on June 14, 2006, at 20:54:31
In reply to Re: Therapy feels different, posted by Karolina on June 14, 2006, at 20:31:11
I don't think I have the nerve to do that. lol
I ran into another one of my T's clients at the gym a long while ago and she told me (because she saw his wife once) that she looks bitchy and "academic" looking, and they don't look like they belong together. I couldn't tell him that either. But I do think it is funny. No wonder my T likes me because I am not like that. I am nuts, but I aint bitchy. LOL
Posted by Karolina on June 15, 2006, at 22:58:45
In reply to Re: Therapy feels different » Karolina, posted by happyflower on June 14, 2006, at 20:54:31
LOL. same here, maybe I'm crazy, but definitely not a bitch! I've met my T's wife (I ran into them at a restaurant once) and she could barely say 'nice to meet you' and just glared at me like she wanted to kill me the whole time I talked to them!
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