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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
After my T came back from vacation I had one session (Sept. 1st) and then she had a family emergency and cancelled my next 2 appointments. She was expected back next week, but today I found out she won't be back until October. The emergency was her son has a broke leg. Thats all I know so I'm not sure why she is out so long, but anyways....I'm really just so scared. I feel like I have no one. I'm not angry at her....more that I'm angry that I have such bad luck. Gosh its such a long time until I can talk to her. Sometimes I wonder if Ts know how much little things could help us. Like if she could just call and see if everything is okay or I know you can do it. I mean just a little concern and encouragement can go such a loooonnggg way! Maybe I expect or need too much. I don't handle things well on my own. And while I really can't wait until she gets back there is also a part of me that wants to cancel the rest of my appointments and not go back and say hey I've made it this long without you I don't need you. I hate all these mixed up feelings. I do have the option to see someone else while she is gone (if they could get me in), but I can't imagine doing that.
I'm doing really bad right now and I need to talk to her about something. I'm really afraid to though. The thing is I'm just really short tempered right now and I'm yelling at my kid a lot...and spanking too much. I'm so ashamed to even admit it. And scared that if I tell her she might report me to social services or something. I feel like such a bad mom. I see this precious little girl sleeping right now and I don't know how I let myself get so angry and direct it towards her. Getting so angry scares me. I don't know what to do.
Posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 21:28:24
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
Why can't you imagine seeing another T in the meantime?
Sometimes I find that talking to strangers can help.
Maybe you can apologize to your daughter and explain that you get angry sometimes, but that it isn't her fault that you get so angry and that you still love her very much. Then you can promise her that you will not hurt her anymore?Maybe tell your daughter to tell you when you start to get angry so that you might step out of the situation and control your anger better?
Deneb
Posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 21:52:20
In reply to Re: alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by Deneb on September 16, 2005, at 21:28:24
> Why can't you imagine seeing another T in the meantime?
> Sometimes I find that talking to strangers can help.It's hard for me to trust and takes a long time to get comfortable. And I would hate to have to give all my history again just to see someone for a few sessions....I'm not sure how that works to see someone new just while your T is away.
> Maybe you can apologize to your daughter and explain that you get angry sometimes, but that it isn't her fault that you get so angry and that you still love her very much. Then you can promise her that you will not hurt her anymore?Maybe tell your daughter to tell you when you start to get angry so that you might step out of the situation and control your anger better?
I do apologize, but she is only 2. And thats what makes it so terrible. I do time-out and stuff with her, but sometimes I just don't have the patience. I should never spank her...she is too young. I don't want her to be afraid of me or hate me I hate myself enough for both of us.
Thanks Deneb. I may see a new T for a while....I just don't know. I wish I could get my Ts advice.
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 23:16:28
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
Hi Jlynn,
Could you call your t and tell her how desparately you need to talk to someone, and ask for a temp referral. can you tell her that you're having anger issues and that you need help now, that you really can't wait any longer?
Being a parent can be stressful, do you have someone who can take your daughter out for a little while, so you can have a break, or can you get a sitter, so you can go out? sometimes we need breaks so we can be the best parent possible.
do you feel your daughter is safe? anger can get out of hand so quickly, and b4 we know it we've done something we might regret for a lifetime. if you need to talk to your T call her, tell her it's an emergency. if she can't see you, find someone more available. i'm not trying to pick on you or be unsupportive, i've had anger issues too, which is why i went back into therapy last summer. i really hope you can get the help and support that you need.
fw
Posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 23:41:51
In reply to Re: alone..scared..angry - Long » JLynn, posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 23:16:28
> Hi Jlynn,
>
> Could you call your t and tell her how desparately you need to talk to someone, and ask for a temp referral. can you tell her that you're having anger issues and that you need help now, that you really can't wait any longer?She won't be back until October so I can't call her. I wish I could.
> Being a parent can be stressful, do you have someone who can take your daughter out for a little while, so you can have a break, or can you get a sitter, so you can go out? sometimes we need breaks so we can be the best parent possible.
>
> do you feel your daughter is safe? anger can get out of hand so quickly, and b4 we know it we've done something we might regret for a lifetime. if you need to talk to your T call her, tell her it's an emergency. if she can't see you, find someone more available. i'm not trying to pick on you or be unsupportive, i've had anger issues too, which is why i went back into therapy last summer. i really hope you can get the help and support that you need.I don't have anyone to keep her except when I work and that isnt much of break. Thats where a lot of my stress comes from. She isn't in danger. If it got to that point I would definately get immediate help. I hate that she has never discussed what to do if she had an emergency and couldnt see me for an extended period of time. She really should have done that a long time ago.
Posted by fairywings on September 17, 2005, at 0:00:12
In reply to Re: alone..scared..angry - Long » fairywings, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 23:41:51
I'd find someone who's going to be more available to you. Going till October would sure be unacceptable to me! I will be thinking of you!
fw
Posted by muffled on September 17, 2005, at 9:31:00
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
> After my T came back from vacation I had one session (Sept. 1st) and then she had a family emergency and cancelled my next 2 appointments. She was expected back next week, but today I found out she won't be back until October. The emergency was her son has a broke leg. Thats all I know so I'm not sure why she is out so long, but anyways....I'm really just so scared. I feel like I have no one. I'm not angry at her....more that I'm angry that I have such bad luck. Gosh its such a long time until I can talk to her. Sometimes I wonder if Ts know how much little things could help us. Like if she could just call and see if everything is okay or I know you can do it. I mean just a little concern and encouragement can go such a loooonnggg way!
Man are you ever right! I'm working on getting my T. to phone me back when I try to contact her. She's not very good at it. However yesterday she phoned 3x! It made me feel like maybe she cared some. I guess I shouldv'e just been more clear from the start about how I felt about that. I hinted, but she's not a mind reader.
Maybe I expect or need too much. I don't handle things well on my own. And while I really can't wait until she gets back there is also a part of me that wants to cancel the rest of my appointments and not go back and say hey I've made it this long without you I don't need you. I hate all these mixed up feelings. I do have the option to see someone else while she is gone (if they could get me in), but I can't imagine doing that.Next time you see your T. TELL her. They need to know this stuff. I'm just learning this lesson myself right now.
>
> I'm doing really bad right now and I need to talk to her about something. I'm really afraid to though. The thing is I'm just really short tempered right now and I'm yelling at my kid a lot...and spanking too much. I'm so ashamed to even admit it. And scared that if I tell her she might report me to social services or something. I feel like such a bad mom. I see this precious little girl sleeping right now and I don't know how I let myself get so angry and direct it towards her. Getting so angry scares me. I don't know what to do.Scares me. Anger is a VERY powerful emotion. Having a 2 yr. old is enough to drive the most sane person nuts! You love them so much, but they can be SO demanding. Most mothers struggle with this. Its doubly hard when you don't have much help.
You need support of some kind. If you think your getting to angry with your child, you are. Oh man, I will never, ever get over the guilt of when I went thru a bad patch with the kids. I didn't beat them, but I would get so angry. I would scare them. It was AWFUL. At the time I was so wrapped up I couldn't see it clearly. I knew I wasn't doing well, but it was so hard. And I HAD support.
So please, DO get help if you think you need it.
Anger is scarey. It should be.
Do it, even if its really hard.
Do it for your little sweetie.
Muffled.
Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 23:08:54
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
Hi JLynn,
Please get help for yourself, either from your T or a crisis center. You really don't want to do anything to your kid that you might regret.
I am glad you are seeing what you are doing is not right, that is a huge step in stopping child abuse.
I was abused really bad from my mother and it has affected my life a lot even as an adult. PLEASE get help somewhere, PLEASE don't hurt your child or yourself. You can do it! You are on the right track. :)
Posted by greyskyeyes on September 19, 2005, at 13:05:40
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
JLynn,
I see this post is a few days old, sorry to chime in late. Mostly I just wanted to offer support. I have a 20 month-old and I've also had serious anger problems with him. I once slapped him before I even knew what I was doing and 2 months later I'm still beating myself up about it. Toddlers are SO frustrating and unfortunately, they're easy targets. After that happened I had to go a week before seeing my T, and we did 3 sessions that week. But a week is nothing compared to a month! I can't imagine how difficult things are for you right now. The best I can offer is, when she frustrates you, just put her in her crib or a playpen and walk away. Get yourself out of the situation. She'll cry, but it's better in the long run. Also, fw is right -- find someone to watch her occasionally, to give yourself a break. It's good for BOTH you and her to take time away from each other. I send my son to a friend, or Grandma, or aunt for a weekend every once in a while and it recharges both of us (my husband is happy too!).
Don't be so hard on yourself... it happens to everyone. Hang in there and I hope you can see your T -- or an interim T -- soon.
~greyskyeyes
Posted by JLynn on September 21, 2005, at 21:43:23
In reply to Re: alone..scared..angry - Long » JLynn, posted by greyskyeyes on September 19, 2005, at 13:05:40
greyskyeyes
Thanks for the much needed support. I've handled things better the last few days. I don't really have many people to watch her so I can have a break. The only time I'm usually away is when I go to work. I've been thinking a lot of the funny things she says sometimes and that makes me smile and realize that I shouldn't get so angry with her. My T "should" be back next week...so just 8 more days.......I'm counting down.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 21, 2005, at 23:32:22
In reply to Re: alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 21, 2005, at 21:43:23
Jlynn,
I hope that the time til your T returns passes quickly. Feel free to give Camp Comfort a visit. You're always welcome there!Take care,
(((jlynn)))
gg
Posted by leslieamy8 on September 21, 2005, at 23:41:37
In reply to alone..scared..angry - Long, posted by JLynn on September 16, 2005, at 20:16:16
I know just how you feel hon, I get the same way when my therapist goes out of town, and she does it often. I know they have their live as we all do but I think they should try to have someone who can cover for them when they are needed else where. For me I think its the fact that so many people in my life have abandoned me that it seems like just one more key person in my life doesn't care. Good luck, and keep posting. We'll be there for you.
~Amy
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