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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
Hi babblers,
I just need a little support, if anyone can spare some. My T is out of town for two weeks, and it's making me a nervous. Really, I'm ok, considering how I used to feel when this happened, but it's still not easy.
I feel like I'm getting toward the end of my therapy. I never got so terribly attached to this T after I switched to her when my old T moved away. Part of that, I think, is that by the time I found her, I was settled on some good meds that worked, and had already made some big positive changes in my life and developed a lot of skills. Mostly what we've worked on is dealing with the loss of my old T. And that's really feeling a lot more resolved these days.
But, I still want her to be around, as a sort of backup. When she's gone, I feel like I'm working without a safety net. And I'm really pregnant, and getting worried about labor and being a parent, and my husband's growing anxiety, etc. I have some serious baggage there. I guess that's mostly what we talk about these days, and she's so reassuring and supportive.
Lately my meds are a bit less effective (probably because I have so much more blood volume), so that makes me a little more nervous and fragile-feeling too. I think I'm mostly ok, but I'm worried that I'm glued together more loosely than I'd like.
I think I just need to grit my teeth until she's back and we can talk again. But it feels helpful to write some of this down here, so it's not all going on only inside me.
Thanks for being there, babble!
pegasus
Posted by Shortelise on March 24, 2005, at 12:00:41
In reply to T gone, big things coming up, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
You sound really in tune with what's going on with you, why you are feeling the way you are. For me, that would be important. It's when things begin to feel mixed up, when I can't put a finger on the cause and effect of things, that I panic a little - sometimes a lot.
Because I chose not to have babies, I have made it a point to help others through pregnancies and deliveries, so I have more than the usual experience with pregnant women. Few and far between are the ones who feel they are "made" for motherhood, who await the birth of their children with benign calm and confidence. And those who do are often the ones who are hardest hit by the demands of it - they so expected it to be easy. It isn't, but the cool thing is that you have this wonderful little being that exists only to be loved by you.
As for labour, honey, it hurts. It hurts bigtime, it really does and don't believe it if someone says otherwise.
Here's a hint for an easier labour: think about opening your body and your mind to loving your child. I know this sounds airy-fairy, but it isn't. When we feel conflict about something, we can manifest it in our bodies, right? That's for sure, "proven", etc.
So when we are labouring to deliver a child, we need to be open to having that child - we need to reassure ourselves, and the baby, that s/he is coming into a good place, a place full of love and safety.You may find that when baby drops, and your body prepares for labour, that you are calm.
Pegasus, learning to love, learning kindness and empathy - in therapy - brought me out of the worst of the anxiety that has plagued me most of my life.
Having a child is the ultimate lesson in love. You and your husband are going into it eyes open. You'll be loving parents, which is what matters. You know what your baggage is, right? There's the battle mostly won already.I send you warm hugs, and to your worried husband, and love to the baby that is waiting in your belly to greet the world.
ShortE
Posted by annierose on March 24, 2005, at 17:24:50
In reply to T gone, big things coming up, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
Pegasus -
I can sympathize with you in regards to your T's absence and "big" things coming up (and I'm not about to give birth). Our T's are a major source of support, so it makes sense that when they are away, we feel a little uneasy.I like Shorte's advice on labor, except, add the epidural! For me, once I relaxed, I went from 2 to 10 in 15 minutes ... totally worth it. No one gets medals for having pain in childbirth. I too worried about the kind of mother I could be with my past. But you are already way ahead of the curve, you are already facing your past issues head-on. My T once said, there are (roughly) 2 types of parents,(this is not a direct quote, and just the "gist" of the 45 minute conversation): those that just repeat their childhood mistakes and those that actively try to make positive changes. I'm not a perfect parent, but a perfect one doesn't exist. I make mistakes, but I can and do admit them to my children (when appropriate). Most important of all to me, I feel a connection to my kids and they to me. It feels my heart with joy. And that can be so healing.
Good Luck with the 2 week break. Mine is away too, but I am also going away to visit my parents (very hard to do, but it's in a warm weather state, and I'm still in the COLD). Muddle through the best you can.
Posted by pegasus on March 25, 2005, at 20:48:49
In reply to T gone, big things coming up, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I think I just wanted someone who might understand to know that I'm a little scared. I do feel like I've got my thinking pretty straight these days, but I'm still working on trusting it. It's kind of a new feeling, y'know? And my T is so helpful with that. But she'll be back soon and we'll have a couple more times to talk before the baby comes, probably.
Thanks especially for your words about parenthood. I sometimes am so worried about repeating my parents' mistakes that I forget how unaware they were of all of it. You're right that I'm probably way ahead just by seeing how what they did affected me, and by working so hard to find a better way to parent my little one.
thanks again.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2005, at 22:21:04
In reply to Thx shorte and annierose, posted by pegasus on March 25, 2005, at 20:48:49
I find that I'm extremely aware of my parenting, and I think I've done a reasonably good job of it, and at least know if I'm messing up. I'm sure my son will find something to say in therapy, though. :)
All you can do is your best, and if you're self aware your best will probably be good enough.
Posted by Tamar on March 26, 2005, at 20:33:41
In reply to T gone, big things coming up, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
I can understand your anxiety about labour! I had a baby quite recently, and because I had a high risk pregnancy I spent a lot of time at antenatal appointments worrying if everything was going to work out OK (and in the end everything was just fine).
One thing that helped me a lot was the realization that my body was going to be quite involved in labour! It sounds silly, I know... But I happened to read a few books that described childbirth as an erotic experience. I hadn't thought of it that way, but it helped me to realize that I needed to think of labour as an experience of love rather than something frightening and painful. That helped me very much.
I hope it all goes smoothly for you.
Tamar
Posted by pegasus on March 29, 2005, at 15:49:23
In reply to T gone, big things coming up, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2005, at 10:19:43
Thanks again everyone for the encouraging words about parenting etc. It's good to hear. As my husband keeps reminding me, even with parents as flawed as my own, they didn't *ruin* me. I'd say that I'm having a good life now. And if we do even a little better (which seems likely), my daughter will most likely turn out fine.
Unfortunately, today I had a visit with my midwife, who wanted to know more about the meds I'm on, and what it looks like when I'm not on them. I think she was considering suggesting that I go off of them before the birth (to avoid withdrawal in the baby, which does happen). So I gave her a brief synopsis of how crazy I am when not on meds. It was embarrassing and a little retraumatizing for me. She agreed that it was best to stay on what I'm still on. But the visit left me with a lingering sense of being fundamentally screwed up and kind of hopeless, if I can't even go without meds for a few weeks for the health of my baby. So, now I'm fighting that a little. And my T is still away. Whaaaa!
But it'll be ok. I just need to take extra care today, I think.
Thanks again for the support.
pegasus
Posted by Tamar on March 29, 2005, at 16:24:30
In reply to thanks and update, posted by pegasus on March 29, 2005, at 15:49:23
I'm sure your midwife was doing her job, but she's probably not an expert on these kinds of medications, whereas your pdoc *is* an expert and I'm sure she/he has thought about the effect on your baby.
The bottom line is that your baby will be fine, and you need your meds. That doesn't make you defective; quite the reverse. You're taking responsibility for a tough choice: you know your baby needs a healthy mom. And since most midwives will offer you all kinds of medication during labour, it doesn't make too much sense to stop taking the stuff you really need before labour.
Do take care of yourself! When I was pregnant I found a little chocolate always helped (followed by a brisk walk!).
Tamar
Posted by pegasus on March 29, 2005, at 17:30:09
In reply to Re: thanks and update » pegasus, posted by Tamar on March 29, 2005, at 16:24:30
Yes, of course, what I need is chocolate! I should have thought of it myself. :) I feel better just thinking about it.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2005, at 20:37:13
In reply to Re: thanks and update » Tamar, posted by pegasus on March 29, 2005, at 17:30:09
You can eat chocolate? You lucky soul.
A hint of chocolate when I was pregnant, and the baby did backflips for hours. :)
Posted by pegasus on March 30, 2005, at 9:44:01
In reply to Re: thanks and update » pegasus, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2005, at 20:37:13
Well, yeah, but is that bad? I figured it meant she liked it. :) But, seriously, it's true that she gets a little active, but it isn't too bad if I don't overdo the chocolate.
A Finnish study recently showed that women who ate chocolate while pregnant were statistically more likely to have babies that were happier and less fearful (http://www.parents.com/articles/pregnancy/5657.jsp). When you add the benefits to the mom, I figure Vitamin Ch is probably an essential dietary supplement during pregnancy. ;)
- p
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 10:03:42
In reply to Re: thanks and update, posted by pegasus on March 30, 2005, at 9:44:01
Ooooh, I'm not saying it was bad for *him*. But once he got to a certain size, cartwheels weren't all that comfortable for me in those close confines. (grin)
Posted by pegasus on March 30, 2005, at 16:09:32
In reply to Re: thanks and update » pegasus, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 10:03:42
This is the end of the thread.
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