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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Skittles on September 2, 2004, at 18:59:45
How the heck do you manage it? I finally went below the surface level stuff with my T and bawled the whole session, as I was writing her check, and all the way out to my car, etc, etc. It's been a couple of days and I can't sleep, am not hungry and if I try to eat, it won't stay down. For the most part, I've been able to distract myself from the crying (still can't eat or sleep). While I was reading in bed earlier, I noticed a tear run across my nose and I hadn't even realized I was crying. I felt far better than this BEFORE my session. I'm thinking about canceling and just stopping this b/c I can't open this flood of emotion and go home and deal with it alone b/w sessions.
Posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 22:08:15
In reply to Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by Skittles on September 2, 2004, at 18:59:45
Big comforting hug for you. Please tell your T how you feel after you leave your sessions. Your T needs to know how long it lasts and how to help you move past the pain.
Mine lately has been saying something positive to me before I leave. It helps. It tells me that he cares enough to make it a conscious effort to leave me in a good place.
Posted by shrinking violet on September 2, 2004, at 23:06:14
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 22:08:15
((((Skittles))))
I've had that happen, also. It IS so very hard to deal with, and feels so very alone and overwhelming. I wish I knew the answer...I've sort of tried to tell my T about it, in general terms, but she told me why it's happening rather than helping me figure out how to stop it or fix it (or maybe there isn't one?). Like you, I've thought about quitting, but, as my T says, once that stuff starts to come up, you can't go back and bury it again. Best to keep going and work through it, rather than stay stuck in it.
Have you told your T how you feel? Or is this the first time? Maybe you could call your T; sometimes just a few minutes on the phone with someone who understands and whose voice you trust can really help.
Big hugs for you.
-SV
Posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2004, at 0:17:17
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by shrinking violet on September 2, 2004, at 23:06:14
Skittles,
I'm sorry you are still hurting. I've had sessions like that. I actually did talk to my T and said I thought given all that I had going on in my life, it felt too fast, and could we please slow it down. He never really agreed to that, but I noticed that we did lighten up a bit towards the end of sessions. I don't know if he did that or I did and he went along with it, but it helped. I also have a post-T ritual...Starbucks! Now I have gone in before with my eyes red and puffy, and I hate that, but I have to get my fix. Fortunately, there is also a drive thru Starbucks a little farther away, and if I am feeling really fragile, I'll go to that one.Is there something special you could do for yourself as a sort of closing ritual to help you transition out of the session?
Take care,
gg
Posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 0:39:08
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2004, at 0:17:17
I really feel for you. My first ever post here was about getting emotionally whammied AFTER the session instead of during it, where help was available. For me, it was a process of trusting my therapist enough to have an emotional response in front of him.
I still find that I get hit with painful waves of emotions after sessions. Some of it is missing my therapist's reassuring presence, and a lot of it is opening old wounds. We need to clean out these wounds but somehow therapy feels like ripping off the scabs and being send back into the world hurting and bleeding. This is why you need a support network (babble is great for this) to help put on compresses and bandages and apply pain killers.
My therapist believes in lots of check ins if I'm having a hard time. Not all do. He also encourages me to write out my feelings in a free flow kind of fashion. Journaling has been really a big help to me. Other people use all kinds of distraction...movies, ice cream and swinging. Do what feels good.
And post as much as you need to. It really does help.
Hugs!
Daisy
Posted by tinydancer on September 3, 2004, at 1:15:43
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 0:39:08
I like Daisy's expression, whammied. I've had some appointments where, walking out, I just feel like its too much to bear, I want to walk out in traffic, it seems like I can't bear another second. Other times I've been in a depression for days afterward. One of the great things my T said to me once is, "When therapy works, sometimes it can hurt a lot." That in these terrible sessions, is when the real work is being done. I know how absolutely real and terrorizing the emotions can be, but it makes me feel better to realize that it is a sign of going in the right direction. I hope I don't sound cold, because I don't mean it in a way that dismisses your experience. It is a nightmare, nothing can change that, but I just want you to be able to flip it over into a more positive outcome as well. Grieving is hard work, therapy is hard work, and I try to give myself as many rewards as I can for my dedication. I hope you will too. I'll be thinking of you today....Keep us posted how you are doing!
Posted by Skittles on September 3, 2004, at 4:42:19
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by tinydancer on September 3, 2004, at 1:15:43
Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. It's nice simply to know that others have experienced and survived it.
I'm sure I should just call. My T has told me I can and I truly believe she means it, but I've never ever done it. She's even commented on a couple of occasions how I'm not so wonderful in the calling department and wouldn't get therapy A's - in a completely nice way, there was nothing offensive about it. But I just have a hard time doing it and am trying to figure out why. The only thing I can come up with is the sheer oddity of the theraputic relationship. I mean, I would call my best girlfriend at 2 in the morning if I thought she could help me, but I won't even call my T during business hours. For me, it's all about being a nuisance or inconvenience. I'm willing to risk that with my friends, because I know that at some point I will be able to do something for them in turn - it's give and take. But my T is not now and never will be my friend, so I can't reciprocate. It's all just very abnormal.
And I guess I'm a little concerned that I might get a response something similar to the one Shrinking Violet got, at which point I might loose my cool and respond with something like, "Scr*w the why. Why is not going to get me to sleep and it's not going to take this knot out of my stomach or keep food in my body." And then I'd worry that my T didn't like me anymore and I'd have a whole new issue about which to post. (grin)
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 11:26:09
In reply to Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by Skittles on September 2, 2004, at 18:59:45
It used to happen a lot more than it does now. But even now I'm frequently unproductive, headachy and groggy after sessions. We have developed a few rituals along the way. We wind down in the last ten minutes. Bring the emotional level down a notch. If I'm really into something and forget to do that, I pay for it later.
After a difficult session, I often ask him if everything's going to be all right. He initially resisted, but we worked out a compromise where he says with as much conviction as he can muster that everything will be fine. And I mutter a few words about how I will contribute to making sure everything will be fine.
I often take a short nap after therapy to allow me to switch back to everyday mode.
Someone (Fallsfall I think) uses the imagery of boxing up the issues until the next session. I think this could be extra powerful if your therapist did it with you. It's something that might work for you.
Then for me there's Klonopin for extreme emergencies, and Risperdal for even more extreme emergencies.
Posted by shrinking violet on September 3, 2004, at 13:32:41
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by Skittles on September 3, 2004, at 4:42:19
>> I'm sure I should just call. My T has told me I can and I truly believe she means it, but I've never ever done it.I'm sure she DOES mean it. PLEASE call her if you think it might help you. Just hearing her voice or speaking to someone who understands can be of great comfort.
>> And I guess I'm a little concerned that I might get a response something similar to the one Shrinking Violet got, at which point I might loose my cool
Oh ((((Skittles))) I'm SO sorry my response made you feel that way. PLEASE don't think that. Actually, I was really upset today after some things I shared with my T yesterday, and I called, sobbing, and cancelled my next session. Thankfully the receptionist knows me and heard I was upset and told my T, who called right away and we talked for a few minutes, and everything is better now. Please dont suffer needlessly; your T sounds like she really wants to be there for you if you need her, and as you said you havent taken advantage of it and you have a very good reason to reach out to her. Please do so.
Peace,
-SV
Posted by B2chica on September 3, 2004, at 13:51:40
In reply to Dealing w/ pain emotion after T session, posted by Skittles on September 2, 2004, at 18:59:45
Actually, i'm not going to be any help here but i Wanted you to know you are NOT ALONE with this. When i first started i would go home from my appt. (3-4pm) and journal, then about 7:00 like clockwork i would FREAK OUT. hysterical crying exhaustion (i would normally SI then) and then i would just cry myself to sleep. this happened for months. I never really got advice from my T on how to stop this.
i can tell you it does still have it's days but it's better. my responses afterwards are 1)not as severe-except on extreme days, 2)and are closer to right after the session.
i have planned my T sessions about 3 in the afternoon so that i don't go back to work and everyone knows Tuesdays i don't plan ANYTHING! many times i go home and journal and then just fall asleep. this happens most of the time i usually sleep from about 4:30-9:30-10:00 i get up maybe eat or watch a little (non serious) tv then go back to sleep.
It's frustrating cuz i think if i stop going i'll be better. I know i function in life SO MUCH better when everything is pushed down. The problem is the adult me knows this isn't good for me and (that stupid beeyatch) won't be quiet. she won't let me cancel or quit my T.
I'm kinda glad she puts her foot down, cuz there have been many many....many times i've wanted to just quit my T. and i have told him that to. So even though you may feel it. Please hang on, don't stop. at least not yet. Don't quit when it hurts, quit when it no longer hurts to go.(meaning you have exposed AND dealt with what you need/want to)Ok, sorry this rant was about me.
please know you are NOT alone. and 1)you are doing something that is just for you, something no one else will do for you. You are incredibly strong to get this far...keep it locked. Say to yourself that you can not miss a T appt. even if you want to, tell yourself that if you don't go-bring over a journal or poetry diary for your T to read during your session even though you may not be there. (this gets me everytime cuz i think-i don't want to pay if i'm not actually there) so i go. It's one of those things that i know if i stop going 1)i won't start again 2)if i'm LUCKY i'll end up in the hospital....please take care and i do LOVE gg thoughts on rewarding yourself after your session. In fact i have realized that i think i do that by giving myself Tuesdays. No FAMILY obligations, no SPOUSE obligations, no WORK (well after session anyway), no SCHOOL. Tuesday is all about/for me. to journal, draw, paint, watch movies or just sleep. whatever it is, its just for me.
Great thoughts GG.Take care ((((((((((Skittles))))))))))
here's super hugs and cyber strength to you. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>b2c.
> How the heck do you manage it? I finally went below the surface level stuff with my T and bawled the whole session, as I was writing her check, and all the way out to my car, etc, etc. It's been a couple of days and I can't sleep, am not hungry and if I try to eat, it won't stay down. For the most part, I've been able to distract myself from the crying (still can't eat or sleep). While I was reading in bed earlier, I noticed a tear run across my nose and I hadn't even realized I was crying. I felt far better than this BEFORE my session. I'm thinking about canceling and just stopping this b/c I can't open this flood of emotion and go home and deal with it alone b/w sessions.
Posted by Skittles on September 3, 2004, at 17:11:08
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ after T session » Skittles, posted by B2chica on September 3, 2004, at 13:51:40
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I'm glad my post gave you the opportunity to get some things off of your chest and I appreciate your suggestions for how to do something for myself after my appointments.
Take care.
Posted by Skittles on September 3, 2004, at 17:32:59
In reply to Re: Dealing w/ after T session » Skittles, posted by B2chica on September 3, 2004, at 13:51:40
Well, I sucked it up and called. Her response, "I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. Would you like to come in this afternoon? I could see you in an hour." I could not have asked for anything better from her. And she usually takes Friday afternoons off, so she stayed later to see me. So, not only did I feel like my needs were important to her, I also had the luxury of taking a little extra time because there was no one waiting to go in after me.
I spilled everything, and you know what? It felt great! Worrying about talking about it was at the VERY LEAST 1,000 times worse than actually doing it. Once I got it out, I found myself thinking, "What was so bad about that?" I didn't even really cry much. Keeping quiet for so long turned something painful into an uncontrollable monster. And I've been having a little trouble in the trust department but I've found that the intimacy grows as I open up. Today I let myself be completely vulnerable and I found it easier to make eye contact with her and I finally saw that she has the kindest eyes. I felt so "held" and cared for. I can't remember who said it, but it IS "Magic" and I'm glad I have a T with the gift.
So, would it be inappropriate or goofy to send a thank you card? I talked earlier about not being able to reciprocate because of the strangeness of the theraputic relationship, but that is something I COULD do to let her know how much I appreciate her giving me a little of her time off.
One more thing and I'll give up the floor: If there's something you're holding back, let it go. Just close your eyes, squish up your face, take a deep breath and blurt it out. You will feel liberated!!
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 18:00:31
In reply to Update, posted by Skittles on September 3, 2004, at 17:32:59
It's a great feeling, isn't it? And good for your therapist, too. It sounds like something mine would do.
This is the end of the thread.
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