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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 125. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:48:29
Yesterday was a landmark day for me, I know that sounds.. whatever, but anyway I'm saying it.
I had enough to relax me, which I did. I saw a friend, and thought about what it would be like to have sex with him, to have an affair of the mind, body and soul.. and actually, the idea was not only Not Repugnant, it was actually kind of.. delightful. It was entertaining and maybe something to look forward to, in the distant but not too terribly distant, hopefully .. future. And if nothing else, a good friend is not an easy thing to come by.
And sex is even easier to come by. If you really want it.
So. What I did next, with a big smile on my face, is I went out and bought two new books.. and one of them was, unashamedly, female porn. Well, not porn exactly, but, yeah.. porn. The fantasy female stuff, it's called, sshhh, "The Mammoth Book of..." (don't you just love that "Mammoth" stuff?).. "Women's Fantasies" by Sonia Florens. Anyway, then the next thing I did.. and this is kind of funny, because it's so typical of the way my life's happening right now.. the next thing is I went to the video store and headed straight for the back room (looking extremely sexy I was, yesterday, as well, wearing an Absolutely Fabulous outfit and getting a Ton of flirting done!!) .. when I hear a voice ... "Susan".. a tiny voice.. the voice of.. my ten year-old daughter, who's there getting a movie with Dad, the ex- .. who then proceeds to give me a $2 coupon for my blue movie ...
Anyway I rented this blue movie which is actually a piece of crud because it's one of those made-for-genteel-wives things, you know, elevator music playing in the background as the slow theatrical f*cking is happening, the women making coy poses and flirting with the camera, the guys all seeming like first-timers who're a bit nervous.. the voices dubbed in, lots of f*cking noises .. anyway I took charge of my sexual self yesterday. It was a bit lonely, yeah, but I found out I could do it for myself, and there wasn't any shame attached to it At All, I actually did what I thought I couldn't do, for years .. and here's another thing. All those years I was dragged to dr. after dr. by my mother, men peering and poking at my virginal vagina .. I looked good and hard, and I'm not any different from a lot of women, well yes I definitely am, but everything has it's variations, and I'm Okay to Look At.
I'm just so relieved.
And a bunch of other stuff happened
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:51:33
In reply to Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:48:29
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 21:02:42
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:51:33
Today I did a monumental thing, for me (two days in a row, now! New Frontiers are presenting themselves quite nicely, thank you very much, as I sit here on my vibrator, panties at my knees, vibrating with one pleasure feeling after another ...) today I went to a sex shop By Myself, I bought three videos (which I can change for a few dollars as often as I want, oh dear, I feel so good..did you ladies know that the sex show lady puts out her own line of vibrators, did you know that if you sit on a chair with your clitoris just touching the tip of the vibrating penis, and your bum rocking back and forth just the right way, did you know you can bring to yourself to one peak after another after a..n...o.....th.....er and did you know that if you play xxx-rated videos all day even if you're only listening, you can get horny as hell and suddenly, you understand why men see hookers and why male escorts are getting more accepted but man you'd have to triple-condom the suckers ..)
Oh dear oh man you see, I'm going to find this embarrassing later but honestly, I SO ENVY liberated younger women!!!
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 21:09:36
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 21:02:42
I used to think women were joking about running down the batteries on their vibrators but I totally understand that, now. And that Sex in the City show about the Rabbit becoming Charlotte's best friend, and then the red-head, and I'm suddenly understanding how it can happen, and I want this guy with me if I ever have sex with a real man again because I think, and I'm just guessing now, but I think I may have found a form of sexual liberation that will make me and my partner, should I ever have another, very, very happy in bed.. and out of it. I have this new tent and the fly comes off to reveal netting so you can see straight up to the heavens. One night soon, I'm going to bring a man with me out into the bush, and we're going to make love and have wild sex under the stars, and we're going to wake every animal and human within hearing....
Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 8:13:46
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 21:09:36
well somebody had herself a good weekend!!!
I've read a couple of the Mammoth Book (s) myself... too bad I threw them away the last time I freaked out... sigh...
You reminded me of some good things to do with my SO !!! I have to pick up one of those Rabbit things, I guess!!!
Thanks!
Posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 10:43:57
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 21:09:36
Holy cow, Susan! That makes ME want to go camping with you and I hate camping! LOL!!!
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 12:11:07
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 8:13:46
I don't have the Rabbit, yet. I just have the starter model, looks like a penis but doesn't feel like one. The nice thing is though the longer it runs the warmer it gets, the heat of the motor I guess ... but nothing like the Real Thing. Which I actually Had, last night, with the ex-, omigod can you believe it? We've been together maybe half a dozen times in the 18 mos. since separation, and it was fun but Nothing Like Last Night. Omigod. I was a bloody vixen, V-i-x-e-n and he was.. well, he's been working out, and losing weight (FINALLY, Why Do They Always Do This After It's Over? i'm guilty, too, though .. let myself go quite a bit from the Norm ...) but last night in the candlelight and the softness of my room .. we both reached heights and I actually Actually this gets really explicit but LOVED that number we used to joke about when we were younger ... and the sounds a man can make when he's being.. pleasured .. well, let's say I don't think well.. I haven't had Sex Like That since I was eighteen.
It was awesome.
We're going to be sex buddies till we die, we both decided. But that's all. Because I don't love him and he doesn't love me. Not the right way, not the way that makes a marriage, or even a partnership. But I guess I can actually be Into this guy. Funny I was married to 'im for so many years and never appreciated what I was missing, now I can appreciate what I did miss when I didn't want him touching me, especially when pregnant, you know how your boobs gets, and you think, oh that's going to be great, I'm really going to enjoy that .. and then the hormones get in the #$%^&* way and ruin EVERYTHING. But some women are so lucky, they get to enjoy all those luscious changes, with their men who are so totally uninhibited and Into Them .. last night I allowed myself to be physically ravished, and I actually asked for it that way, and I Loved It.
I don't have to feel ashamed of that. I can love my body because it's beautiful not by everyone's definition, but by mine.
Whew.
Thanks guys.
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 12:18:47
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 10:43:57
Actually about half the tent seems to be netting, quite a bit.. but it's a summertime tent.. with a tarp I could make it go year-round But then you couldn't see the stars. So maybe I can only do this in the heat of full summer. Oh man, what I wouldn't give for that to happen.. it will. I'll make it happen, somehow and soon with someone special, someone I can enjoy the experience with, and there's a lot of Nature Boys out there, I know that. I just need to find me one!
I used to date this guy, photographry was his major hobbby.. walking down the street a couple of days ago, I remembered exactly how he looked, walked, what he wore, how his voice sounded, the way he used to laugh and say things, what his hands looked like and it was like he was there with me again, and I was enjoying his sexuality and our relationship on a different level, from the future. I began to realize how much a part my past has played, in my present, in creating who I am. It's pretty interesting, seeing things from that perspective.
I'm smoking a lot of mj this last week. It's making me extremely creative and sexual and very.. Me.
But I have to stop, soon, because it gets expensive on not just the budget, but the brainpower as well.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to reveal that. But I think it might've been obvious, in any case, from the stuff I've been saying. Sigh. How're you doing crazy teresa? What's the latest stuff in your life?
Posted by Tamar on August 29, 2005, at 14:53:29
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 12:11:07
Well! I’m glad you got some, and that it was so good! Yeah, having a sex buddy is fantastic. I loved having sex buddies. All that fun with none of the hassle of a relationship. It’s been a while for me…
Ha ha… I re-read the bit you wrote about the sounds a man makes and frankly I may have to go right now and have a few words in my husband’s ear…
Glad you had a good time!
Tamar
Posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 15:50:22
In reply to Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:48:29
"All those years I was dragged to dr. after dr. by my mother, men peering and poking at my virginal vagina .. I looked good and hard, and I'm not any different from a lot of women, well yes I definitely am, but everything has it's variations, and I'm Okay to Look At."
Sorry Susan, I must have missed something. Why was all that taking place? What is different?
Posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 16:04:21
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » crazy teresa, posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 12:18:47
> How're you doing crazy teresa? What's the latest stuff in your life?
I'm ok, thanks. Not much is new. My kids are back in school, so hopefully things will settle down. You'd think summers would be a leisurely time, but not here; I'm exhuasted!
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 17:18:44
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by Tamar on August 29, 2005, at 14:53:29
The most wonderful thing about the sounds, is that they show how much you're satisfying his needs, his sexual desires ... next time I may have to wear stockings, I was thinking stockings and heels, but I'm not sure whether white or black is the way to go. Now mind you, next time might not be for months so it isn't like I don't have a lot of time to ruminate!
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 17:20:30
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 15:50:22
Well now that's a good question. I believe I was simply a girl who started vaginal secretions earlier than my mother expected (seven) but since I have had my own daughter I see how normal I was, and my mother was just completely freaked out thinking something was wrong.. I suppose she was just ignorant.
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 17:22:15
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 16:04:21
This is the week for school supplies, isn't it. And haircuts. I have a little boy whose hair sticks straight up at the back, no combing seems to change it.
Yeah, when you're at home it's project after project that looms before you. You really need to get away to relax. Have you had a vacation this summer? Even a few days can make a big difference.
Posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 22:57:16
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » crazy teresa, posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 17:20:30
> Well now that's a good question. I believe I was simply a girl who started vaginal secretions earlier than my mother expected (seven) but since I have had my own daughter I see how normal I was, and my mother was just completely freaked out thinking something was wrong.. I suppose she was just ignorant.
You poor thing! I can't even imagine what was going through your mind at 7 having to deal with that. I remember my 1st complete physical going into the 5th grade--I was completely mortified the doctor looked 'there'.
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 23:48:59
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Tamar, posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 17:18:44
I just had a thought, I think maybe red and black is the way to go. The next thing is to find an appreciative.. now I was going to say "audience" .. is that a little kink I have? Wow. The world goes round .. anyway an appreciative partner is what I mean to say.. you know, someone worth doing it for, a man worth the trouble.
Sometimes you know, you just realize you can attract them like honey, like the honey you are, and I don't know how long this'll last but I hope I get to use it! I like feeling like this. I really must move to a sunnier climate.
Really.
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 23:53:01
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 22:57:16
I don't know how many male doctors I had looking down there.
One fondled me.
For ages. I never told anyone, I was too embarrassed. I didn't know how terribly inappropriate he really was, I knew he was but I didn't know how to protect myself other than get really internally angry, which I never expressed to anyone. It's so weird that I would live with this for so long and just lately realize what a violation of my person it was, for him to do that, but there was a time in medicine when it wasn't that unusual for women to go through that sort of thing.
Posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 17:58:30
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 23:48:59
Okay. I was gonna say I've held on for as long as I can but realised that that had all sorts of connotations given the tone of this thread, and of course that 'long' may be overstating things.
So. Just picture me sitting bolt upright at my desk, my hand shooting skyward screaming "OOW, OOW, Me, pick me, pick me!" Puulleeeeeese
Posted by Susan47 on August 30, 2005, at 21:02:29
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 17:58:30
Okay.
:)
Posted by Susan47 on August 30, 2005, at 21:02:54
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 17:58:30
Posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 22:39:09
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 30, 2005, at 21:02:29
Okay Damos she's called your bluff, now what?
Panic, yep panic, always a good first step, then what. Think boy think! Change my posting name, emails, phone numbers and residential address, investigate countries with non extradition treaties. Oh yeah, cold shower.
Seriously Susan I am flattered and would be truely honoured to share the enjoyment of your self discovery in all its beauty, passion and wonder. But you need someone way more confident and self assured than me. You are waaaaaaaay more than I could handle even on my best day. I'll just be content to celebrate your finding the joy and beauty that's in yourself
Posted by Susan47 on August 31, 2005, at 0:45:48
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 22:39:09
You're probably right. ;)
Posted by Mal on September 6, 2005, at 21:55:15
In reply to Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:48:29
Susan-
I sometimes remember some "boyfriends" from my previous life... There is one- I can remember what he smelled like. It is weird, like- I can't just call up his smell from memory, but sometimes it hits me out of nowhere- I smell him- and I have to look around to make sure he isn't there. THis hasn't happened to me in a LONG time, but it HAS happened.ANyhow, I know he wasn't THE ONE for me- our break up was a smart thing I did, but our attraction was sooo...animal, electric, combustible. From the minute I first saw him, it was magnetic, and it was obvious he was interested in me, too. He looked at me like I was beautiful. He didn't glance away when I caught him looking. I miss that. He made an effort to be introduced to me. Then when we finally got together...niiiice. But it was hard, too (no intended puns, there). Because I was a GOOD GIRL- not a virgin, but not someone who could just have sex on the first date, with very little emotional connection (unless animal magnetism is actually an emotional connection...). For over a year we spent about a weekend a month together, with very few calls between, and I was getting attached but God knows what he was doing while he was away. Foolish of me, in a way- no telling who he was shagging, what drugs he was doing. But we were having as good a time as I had ever had at the time. I never could REALLY have a purely sexual relationship- sex always made me mixed up, made me think about LOVE, which of course isn't the same thing. I had a couple of other fuckbuddies in college, and one I still feel friendly toward- not upset or hurt... But I am just insecure enough to wonder if he ever talked about me, had derogatory remarks or opinions about me, or if he still has warm feelings for me, too. This guy I could call up and just be friends again, I think. But there is still a little rejection in there, because I would have been his girlfriend if he had been interested... Guess I wasn't good looking enough for him.
But in case you are wondering, my husband smells real good, too. ;) Not to mention SKILLS!
Have a great time, whatever you do.
MAL
Posted by muffled on September 8, 2005, at 22:39:06
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Susan47, posted by Damos on August 30, 2005, at 22:39:09
> Okay Damos she's called your bluff, now what?
>
> Panic, yep panic, always a good first step, then what. Think boy think! Change my posting name, emails, phone numbers and residential address, investigate countries with non extradition treaties. Oh yeah, cold shower.
>
> Seriously Susan I am flattered and would be truely honoured to share the enjoyment of your self discovery in all its beauty, passion and wonder. But you need someone way more confident and self assured than me. You are waaaaaaaay more than I could handle even on my best day. I'll just be content to celebrate your finding the joy and beauty that's in yourselfOh Damos, you sound so sweet and funny too. If I wasn't married I go with you. Those sweet guys are sometimes the BEST of all!
Posted by Damos on September 11, 2005, at 17:05:02
In reply to Re: Relationship with Myself .. May Trigger, Sex » Damos, posted by muffled on September 8, 2005, at 22:39:06
Why thank you Ms Muffled. It's been a loooooong time since and it'll probably be an equally long time till. Lots to learn, lots to forgive myself for before I'd be much good to anyone. But thank you.
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