Posted by susan47 on May 6, 2008, at 20:33:39
In reply to Hi. » susan47, posted by susan47 on March 7, 2008, at 23:11:18
This is not Writing, so don't be disappointed. Whoever reads. If anyone ever reads. The world is so freaking LONELY these days, I smoke endlessly, endless amounts of pot, of marihuana, and I feel so bad for doing this, and I can Feel, I can actually feel the brain dehydration, the excess of drug side effects hurting me physically.
And it's time to do a Journey Process, and I HAVE to remember that this is important, I have to give the rest of it to Kathi to enjoy, because she will do that, and maybe she will also stop doing pot eventually, and I know she will cut down a bit if I do, I think she will, and I know it's s depressant and I know it hurts my mind and I know I've totally f*ck*d with my brain chemicals, and I know, yes, I also know that I'm a borderline personality, and I have issues with having ADD and Depression, which could actually cycle between Manic, so that means bipolar too, add that into the mix. And my grandmother had Alzheimer's, and she had a sad life, and I look like her, hahaha, but I don't want to be depressed like she was. So the only thing I can do, that I HAVE to do, is give the rest to Kathi and say, I have to do this. I have to rescue myself, I have to save my life. And this is the only way to do it. I have to see the doctor, and keep taking walks, long ones, with my backpack downtown, and I have to do other things too, like look at people, and read books, and try to be relaxed, try to relax and forget the old me, and be a new me. And somehow, I have to find a way to God, to Love, to my own heart.
I canNOT be afraid anymore. I can no longer allow myself the language of fear. I have to learn the language of Love.
poster:susan47
thread:816223
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/827617.html