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Re: what's wrong with me again?

Posted by special_k on April 11, 2006, at 7:51:52

In reply to what's wrong with me again?, posted by special_k on April 11, 2006, at 7:43:04

and it's okay
(sort of)
i'm okay
(sort of)
had a productive day
(sort of)
so things are ticking along...

and maybe it is just about that.
ticking along.
and helping people.
and accepting the help people offer.
and being sure to appreciate it
and being sure not to let it disappear
into that big black hole inside of me
where nothing is ever enough.
and not longing for what is unobtainable
and not wanting what isn't so good for me
and just accepting things as they are more.
acceptance.
i'm on a wait list to see somebody.
i am.
yeah it's a public service...
but i've seen people from public service before...
and i want to try
really try
really try to give them a chance
really try to talk to them
to not let their words disappear into that big black hole inside of me where nothing is ever enough
and just appreciate it for what it is
a kind person who is trying to help as best they can
like people are on boards...
like posters are on boards.

and that is a great deal.
it is
it is a huge deal.
and maybe posters on boards...
maybe it is better for me.

because it gets me out of me
me
me
me
it is all about me
and sometimes i think that thinking too much about
me
me
me
is what gets me into trouble anyways.

and here...

time to refocus
to reorient

irl... we will see
it is a mixed blessing
maybe it will work out
maybe it won't
whatever happens...
i need to tell myself that it is all for the best
and just try and accept it
and accept that there are people here who care about me
and the most important thing...
the most important thing i think i need to learn in my life
is how to accept that and not let it disappear into the big black hole inside me where nothing is ever enough.

because anybody would get lost in there.

i did.


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poster:special_k thread:631689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/631693.html