Posted by Atticus on December 10, 2004, at 23:23:39
In reply to Re: Coat of Armor » Atticus, posted by Toph on December 10, 2004, at 21:14:23
Hmmm. Actually, I’m not being disingenuous when I say that wasn’t aware that other Babblers gave me much thought at all. If I really understood how all the bits of my chemically challenged brain fit together, I doubt I’d have been in therapy for the past eight years (I suspect the piece don’t fit. It’s like getting an “irregular” sweater where one sleeve is longer than the other and the hem at the bottom is unraveled). Nor would I have sliced up my left wrist like a sushi chef this past spring in a suicide attempt and ended up in a hospital lock-up psych ward under watch. Nor would I be on disability leave right now because after a hypomanic summer and early fall, my meds seemed to flame out dramatically in early November, leading me to a majorzilla depressive crash and burn. Maybe the bipolar disorder with rapid cycling accounts for some of my apparently paradoxical quicksilver mood changes; I dunno, Toph. It’s hard to see this stuff from the inside out. I suppose one way to glean some understanding of me would be to read the autobiographical poem story cycle on my site starting with “Why I’m Goin’ Straight to Hell, 1978” and ending with “Ned’s Dead.” The dates indicate when the events happened, not when the poems were written. The absence of a date indicates the event occurred this year. I started writing them (all out of chronological order, but I rearranged them into a timeline on my site) this past summer in an attempt to figure myself out. It’s still a work in progress, I guess. Really, even the poems not explicitly about me are still about me, as they express some world view I hold.
But to address your other comments: I’m not a professor. I write and edit and oversee production on university publications such as the annual report and faculty/staff newspaper, knock out press releases, and act as a media liaison to hook up reporters with experts on our faculty who could offer commentary for television, radio, and newspaper news stories. Essentially, we’re talking PR work.
More importantly, I think I’ve really absorbed the various aspects of the punk ethic to the bone. First and foremost among those is the DIY (Do It Yourself) credo, which boils down to this. If you want to perform music, emulate the Ramones. They learned three or four chords, knocked out a bunch of songs, and hit the stage at CBGB’s. You’ve got to believe that there’s no such thing as an “attempt” at creative expression. There’s just creative expression, period. It’s best to learn not to give a damn whether other people like what you produce or not (except at work, in my case, where I do what I refer to as my “pay-the-rent whore writing” – I understand it’s not a perfect world, and I’ve been lucky enough to support myself by one kind of writing or another since graduating from college). I certainly don’t mean to have an intimidating effect on other writers of poetry or fiction or essays on PB Writing; I’d like to encourage anyone who posts there to keep at it without coming across like I’m some kind of half-@ssed wise man or something. I like an exchange of comments about our respective pieces. I’m just a loon who can carry a rhythmic tune. Like most poets. Am I really seen as the poor man’s Cobain of PB? Sorry. Don’t mean to leave the impression that I’ve got a big head because I can play with words.
I’ve noticed my poems themselves have moved from being primarily driven by visual metaphor to being driven by rhythm and sound and well. I’ve been listening to Dylan a lot. If I could write poems like anyone, they’d be like his 1960s songs.
As for picking on Dr. Bob, that just sort of evolved organically. As I saw what struck me as sometimes capricious decisions and punishments pile up over time, I became angry at what I felt was the injustice of much of it. It’s ironic. I’ve never gotten a PBC or been blocked for anything I did on PB Writing. It’s always come from leaping to someone else’s defense with a punker’s sense of outrage and hard-wired distrust and disdain for authority – and disregard for rules. I can’t remember what my first weeklong block was for, but the second three-week one was for a savage attack on Dr. Bob after he blocked Jai from posting until after the American presidential election. Now things have settled into a kind of snarky teasing, just being as cheeky as possible when I disagree with him without losing my cool. It’s just a bit of fun – and I suppose a somewhat darker side of my personality.
So to make a long story even bloody longer, I’ve no really solid answers to give you. Just the messy and tangled reality of one more complex being on a site packed with them. Anyway, feel free to ask questions. I’ve pretty much revealed my secret identity with that link to my Web site. Feels a bit like Clark Kent taking off his glasses to rub his eyes in the middle of the Daily Planet newsroom, then thinking, “Oh sh*t,” then figuring, “What the hell.” Take care. Ta. Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:426247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20041210/msgs/427549.html