Posted by Atticus on December 10, 2004, at 19:39:06
In reply to Coat of Armor, posted by Toph on December 10, 2004, at 18:48:22
Hullo Toph,
I like the addition of the last line. It's apparent simplicity belies all the levels of meaning it captures: in particular, the wounded but persistant optimism of the narrator as he observes that a second coat of paint will save the day, when the events of the story's second part have made it apparent that not even 100 coats of "paint" will "erase" the pain in this relationship.
One small grammatical correction:
> ... each kid in our newly blended family have their own room ...
You have subject/verb disagreement here: a singular subject "kid" and a plural possessive "their" that refers back to "kid." Potential solutions: "... each kid in our new family have his or her own room." But the "his or her" sounds awkward. So you might want to go with "... all the kids in our newly blended family have their own rooms." This whole story reminds me of a line from Woody Allen's "Annie Hall": the dark observation, "Love fades." It's like saying, "Life is unfair." Both are bitter pills to swallow, but sadly have the ring of truth to me. In any case, nice piece! Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:426247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20041210/msgs/427435.html