Posted by Jost on October 26, 2006, at 12:41:00
In reply to Re: Work » Jost, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 11:49:40
Talked to my T about H.
his point was that she's being helpful, even though she's not helping because she doesn't know how to help. So I guess the idea is to try to channel her helpfulness so that it has good effects.
I also realized that I have to manage my emotions with her, in a way. She's a tense, but strangely unbuttoned (wrong word in the context, but it fits emotionally) person--
For one thing, I need to be warm, friendly and interested-- and not let my tension and self-criticism show. She's sensitive to my receptivity to her-- she seemed very strained and ill-at-ease when I was having trouble (and annoyed with her)-- I may be wrong-- but it feels that way right now. I made a conscious effort to be interested, relaxed, more talky with her than I feel. For some reason.
at about 5:40, when I was working really hard, and getting somewhere, but it was very tense because of how hard the pose was to do three days in a row-- and because of how anxious I am with other people's difficulty or discomfort--the cleaning lady knocked on the door.
[I should add, we hired a cleaning lady a little while ago-- she's okay, not that great at cleaning but good enough for us-- and yet she's started to be a little unfriendly to me-- sort of like she gets annoyed that I'm in her way-- while I"m trying to be very considerate and not get into her way-- and then she gets this irritated look on her face if I do come into the room-- but anyway]
My SigO had told her not to come into the studio because I was working until 6 pm-- and she obviously wasn't liking that-- she probably wants to leave early-- and that meant she couldn't "finish up" and leave early-- so at 5:40, she knocked on the door. I didn't initially hear it-- but H did-- and I have a lot of strong feelings about having thing interrupted when someone is modelling-- it's like an inviolable boundary-- that matters to me--
So I went to the door, and she was looking angry, and gesticulated about "Clean?" (She doesn't speak much English-- although it's not clear how not-much, but defiinitely not much)-- and I said, I"m working-- and she still looked angry and said "Clean?" And I said, do you want to leave-- etc-- so I told her she could leave, but I wasn't done--
but then my concentration was really broken, and I was disturbed by her affect, and the whole thing--
So I stopped working early, and the instant H left, she knocked again. I was trying to move things out of the way, and fix it so she wouldn't bump into my easel, or stools where I put things-- etc--
At the door, she had her hands on her hips and was even more annoyed-- She was again very rude--
I guess she cleaned, while I went into my room and waited for her to leave. Not long after.
What was odd was H was really fascinated with what would happen after she left. She wanted to "talk" about it the next time-- as if it were some sort of climactic scene-- I was rather uneasy about that-- I'm not sure what she expected-- or why it struck her as interesting.
She has said a lot of things about M to me-- that aren't careful-- sort of the "talking behind someone's back" type thing-- which is hard to resist-- because I'm worried about M-- but it also becomes a way to relate to someone more easily-- as if you're avoiding some uncomfortable thing between you by talking sort of intrusively about someone else. I fall into that if someone else does. But I don't like it.
I'm learning a lot about doing faces, though. I think I am anyway. Hope so.
J
poster:Jost
thread:692721
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20060706/msgs/697911.html