Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 2:19:38
In reply to Re: Drinking Again » verne, posted by Declan on October 21, 2005, at 14:38:43
I sympathize Verne, as i am sure do most that read this. We have all been there(by the way Declan, i don't think calling Verne's or anyone else's substance problems "tame" helps anyone. We all have different levels of use/abuse and they affect us all equally as differently). I assume because you are counting days of sobriety that you are part of some form of the 12 step program, Verne. If so, I have some possibly radical advise for you. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. Don't beat yourself up over your choice to drink that night or this night or future nights. That night was no different than the rest, the choice will always be there; Drink or Don't. I know, that sounds simple. I know that, in contrast,you have been told that you have no power over your addiction. But, just for a few paragraphs, I want you to open up a bit. One day that night, that choice, will be The Choice. And you never think about it again.
Firstly, I think counting sober days like you are a recipe for disaster. It is basically just counting the days until you eventually "slip", counting the days until failure. When this happens, your "slip", the result is quite obvious. Now not only are you drinking, but you are drinking and you feel 91 times worse about youself for doing so. We all know where that sort of self-defeating thought leads: more drinking. The number of sober days really means little. To make it a central element, to go to sleep and chalk off another day you managed to keep the vicious beast at bay, is taking away from what is truely central: not drinking.
In fact, I think the entire 12-step program sets you up for failures just like this. Some of their basic principals (the "Non Choice", counting days, going to meetings), when examined, are completely destructive. Most importantly, you HAVE a choice, you HAVE power, you CAN decide to drink or not to drink. If you believe you have no power over your addiction, 12 step programs will keep you "recovering" for the rest of your life. Instead of taking personal responsibility for your problem, you replace alcohol with groups and coins and counting days. If you follow their creed, one way or another, you will be thinking about alcohol for the rest of your life. I love the term they give you: Recovering Alcoholic. Is "recovering" for the rest of your life really what you want to do? Is this what you imagine as freedom from your addiction? I don't know about you, Verne, but I would rather just drink. If my only other option is to just think about drinking, and talk about drinking, and pray about drinking, without ever drinking, s@#t, I'll take a Belvenie up. You have escaped no bars, just switched jail cells.
Coversely, I say be proud you didn't drink, 91 days or whatever, good for you! I know how hard it is, believe me. Just next time, try making a philosophical Choice, not a daily "hope" like AA asks. Find a way to make your choice count. You will know when it happens. From every ounce of your being, you will know: I don't drink anymore. When you do (I believe it is possible to all those that truly want freedom), I promise the only days you will be counting are the ones you wasted in AA. With them, you will always be an alcoholic. Without them, you have a shot at being a regular guy. I am pretty sure that is what most of us are after.My two cents. I hope I didn't offend you, Verne, or anyone else in a 12-step program. I know it has helped many in many different ways. Its mild success, however, to me, does not mean we should quit exploring other means of sobriety. I recently found a few websites (try rational.org), that looks at addiction differently. If nothing else, it shows there are alternatives for people like me that disagree with 12-step programs. I wish you the best whichever method you choose.
poster:CleverGuy
thread:568623
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/574005.html