Posted by verne on October 18, 2005, at 18:09:50
I hesitate posting my failure at 91 days since it may not be much encouragement for others. I've been physically sick for 2 weeks (cold/flu) and just cracked.
Hang in there Clear Skies, don't do what I do. I'm sure I will be full of regret tomorrow.
I've been on such a "dry drunk". It hasn't been "quality" sobriety where I'm filling the void, the neediness, with something fulfilling.
Call it borderline personality disorder or too much philosophy, but I find life meaningless. I was even touched by "God", born again, and I still can't get by the meaninglessness.
Christian critics would say I'm not one of them yet I had a spiritual rebirth. Or they will say, I "fell away" since I'm drinking. Did they "fall away", when they polished off a half gallon of ice cream or gossiped about a fellow pewster.
I used to think I just had the usual borderliner anger but I'm wondering whether, perhaps, I've settled into a less complicated, anti-social, slow boil.
It's like I don't give a rip whether people like me anymore. Might be a good thing I guess. (fear of God, rather than fear of man) Yet I don't even fear God because I would have to "know" God first.
Something touched me but I can't define it. I cringe when people talk in a familiar way, like they are pals with God.
I'll be quiet.
Verne
poster:verne
thread:568623
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/568623.html