Posted by verne on October 6, 2005, at 7:13:27
In reply to there is fellowship here, » verne, posted by ClearSkies on October 6, 2005, at 4:54:39
Renewing my babble association seems to help although it's a bit of a balance beam act as you mentioned in an earlier post. I now avoid the old administration fights and any sort of arguing. I used to get worked up, end up drinking, and stay in a state of excitement.
The agitation led to anxiety and then to drink. Drink led to drink. Being sick and hungover set the stage for more anxiety and drinking.
I have "thought" more about the consequences of drinking. One night of drinking (I'm thinking "fun") turns into a tailspin. At first, perhaps, it's only a couple times a week, but eventually even "remedial" drinking because I'm sick and hungover, turns into a three day binge.
So I ask myself, "do you really want to go through all that?" Left to my own devices, I won't be able to control it, and I'll get sicker and sicker. Sometimes the guilt and shame are enough to stop me.
Surrendering the Ego's control was key to my spiritual experience and the ensuing peace. I didn't even have a fixed idea about a higher power, just that peace, love, and patience increased in me as my ego decreased.
The ego might start the day with, "In my power and strength I WON'T drink today." Seems like a good affirmation but it sets up internal pressure or resistance (what do you mean, you can't drink today?) which leads to greater and greater need for control.
If I had a morning prayer it might be, "On my own I WILL drink today. In MY strength, I will drink today. I pray for more Peace and Love and less ME. And in your Strength (higher power) I won't drink."
Verne
poster:verne
thread:562537
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/563619.html