Posted by jujube on November 1, 2004, at 15:53:16
In reply to what was i thinking?, posted by partlycloudy on November 1, 2004, at 15:14:29
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I guess it's the bane of an alcoholic's existance. When it comes to drinking, we are not normal, and that sucks. I go through times when I wish I could be a good, responsible social drinker. Especially when I am out for dinner and everybody else is drinking wine and having after dinner drinks. It's not fair. I guess for me, I remind myself of what my days and nights were like when I was actively drinking, and realize that, although alcohol does take the edge off and helps me let loose, the after effects are just not worth it anymore.
On a more personal note, and I apologize in advance if I am crossing a line here, but I think your husband needs to better understand alcholism. Yes, you are an adult and capable of making well-informed decisions. However, when it comes to alcohol, it doesn't matter how smart and capable an alcoholic is, one drink will never be enough.
Don't beat yourself up Partlycloudy. I think that once you stop being hard on yourself, you will be able to eventually be more comfortable with sobriety and attaining it. It's a one day at a time thing. And, it has to be because really when it comes down it that's all any of us (alcoholic or not) have. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. So, enjoy the blessings of each day and praise the good, caring, open and creative person you are, sober or not.
Take good care.
Tamara
> yesterday i was working in the kitchen. my husband was enjoying a glass of wine. i became quite upset. how come you get to unwind with a glass of wine and i get to stay cranked up? i want a glass too. he said, um, how old are you again? you can do what you want. so i had a glass. that's all.
> until we went to sleep. i couldn't settle down. came down to post things no one wants to read and downed sherry (yuck). woke up today feeling pretty awful. it makes my anxiety so much worse, and now i have a panic attack too. i can't drink like a regular person. i'm not a regular person. i'm a drunk whose medications make it all the worse if i try to drink. the anger i felt at being kept out and not having a chemical way to unwind really cranked me up. what am i doing?
poster:jujube
thread:402905
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/410201.html