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Re: ever not forgiven someone

Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2019, at 17:14:09

In reply to Re: ever not forgiven someone, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2019, at 17:06:32

What I mean to say is that I learned in DBT that 'sorry' means something about not doing the behavior again.

Or maybe it was something I learned in Philosophy. 'If someone says they intend to get married but they do not get married despite opportunity then they leave themselves open to the charge that they do not know what it *means* to intend to get married'.

Or... They do not really intend to get married at all.


My brother was terrific to me (genuinely). There were a couple annoying (transiently painful) things / games he had when he genuinely wanted me to stop something that he was finding genuinely annoying -- but he was not mean spirited at all and he stopped playing when I indicated I really did not want to play, anymore. One game was he would take my hand and hit me (not terribly hard) on the head with it. And say 'Alex, why are you hitting yourself?' And he'd do it again... And he might even be like 'Mum - Alex is hitting herself!' But he was lighthearted and teasing about it and, again, he stopped when he could tell I needed him to stop. He knew when to back off and I don't ever ever ever ever ever remember him crossing the line on that.

So... He would hit me (not hard -- but surprise me). And be 'sorry'. And then he would do it again. And say sorry. And he would do it again. And say sorry. And again... And in this manner...

I learned to stop annoying him when he was watching TV. Because I would whistle or something and distract him and then say sorry.. And so on.. Because I wanted him to play with me instead of watching TV.


He taught me what 'sorry' means.




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