Posted by alexandra_k on April 21, 2014, at 20:35:29
In reply to Re: thought i was over it... but not, posted by alexandra_k on April 21, 2014, at 17:28:04
nobody helped me. nobody got me out. had to figure it out myself... run away... cops said they'd put me in a group home if i didn't tell them who i was / where i lived. i told them to go ahead... things didn't work out until i ran away and a friends boyfriends parents got involved... got me into a group home, in fact. a much better situation than things could have been, otherwise. i had my own room, at least. with a lock on the door. but no... intellectual connection. it was okay. good enough.
then living independently.
a huge part of medicine for me is having the power to make informed decisions. most people can't. blah blah blah about objectivity going out the window. that's why you can't treat people you care about or yourself. but blah blah blah right back about accessing clinicians who you DO trust to make those decisions for you when it is inappropriate that you do... or whatever... for the most part better off doing things myself. like looking after me... otherwise... it's all about who you know, huh.
i'm not going to get married... come into money. if i had money i wouldn't know what to do with it to get the things i want, anyway... like with the gym... didn't trust those personal trainers. saw a few of them laughing about their clients behind their backs. thought to myself that i would never know, really, if that was what they were doing with me... getting me doing sh*t they thought was stupid just so they could have a laugh about it later... figured only way i'd properly know was to... learn about it properly. do it properly. only way i'll know whether health decisions are best *for me* or just about trying to save a buck on ignoramus who doesn't know better... and so on...
top floor of the information commons... supposedly 'silent' study space. typically full of girls fluttering their eyelashes and giggling and so on... was full (as in packed barely any spaces left) of people... working. and napping... but powernapping... rather than filling space between classes...
people got those first test results back. from the first compulsory class. biosci. fairly hard going cell biology stuffs... a bunch of people... they have that determination... that optimism... that vague sense of panic... the ones who did well enough to... have decided to knuckle down this study break (more tests after the break). and the flutterers... well... catch you (or whatever you've got) over the summer or... there are better places to be discovering the appropriate work-life balance...
part of it is about...
he asked... the lecture hall (for my class) anyone enjoy the test? a few... and of course a few did. the few who will enjoy studying over the study break... the other few will enjoy... their sleep. their trip to the gold coast or back to the islands. enjoy their partying it up. whatever it is that people enjoy... there aren't many who enjoy the mental stimulation of uni. honestly.
some kids were saying that the bio-med classes... everyone claps at the end. i was like 'why'? i mean... the lecturer is just doing their job... i don't get it... but now i'm starting to see... because for the first time in many of these kids lives... the person teaching them is actually not a dumb f*ck*ng idiot like most high school teachers are. and... for the first time in many of these kids lives... the person teaching them is more interested in that top quartile than they are in the bottom quartile. for the first time... ever... that class is for *them*. the ones who actually deserve it. clap indeed.
i forgot how much going to uni (that very first time all the way back then) felt so very much like *coming home* for me. for the first time ever. i thought it was about nobody telling me to pull up my socks or stop smoking behind the bike sheds... and of course that was part of it. but the biggest part of it was lecturers who were focused on the things that were important and who rightly butted out from things that weren't important / had nothing to do with our learning / were none of their goddamned business.
i forget how rare these people are...
i wonder where the actual med students study... i suspect there are rooms about the place... the health science library is full of nurses or med school wannabees... trying to look cool just for being there... tapping their feet... clicking their pens... shuffling papers about... engineering... lots of swipe card access halls over there, i see... of course... that's how the real work gets done. sigh. i need to study up there in the evenings and on the weekends at least. during the day when people have classes... people don't have anyplace better to put themselves so they junk up the communal areas... just being oblivious to people trying to work around them... like the gym... best to avoid peak times...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1064620.html