Posted by Indie on July 19, 2004, at 21:26:20
In reply to Re: what's the point?, posted by lepus on July 19, 2004, at 14:50:17
Hey Lepus,
I believe that I was one of the offenders who answered somebody else on your thread. I assure you I meant no harm and feel greatly for your pain. I will also admit that I have felt a bit offended that people kind of took over "my" thread before, but I have learned that these things often go off on tangents and there is something to learn from all of it...
I do trully understand where you are right now. I am 31. I have no job. Lost a man I trully loved to this stupid illness. I was working on my masters degree and totally feel like I failed because in my last semester I got so depressed and disfunctional that I just couldn't function...It was horrible. All I have to do to finish is write a few papers. I have done nothing about them in two months because it feels worthless to try when I have fallen down so many times. I too have found it almost impossible to find the right meds to help. "Treatment resistant bipolar depression." Luckily, I have a doc who will work with me on any and all treatments until we find one that works....but the waiting is HORRIBLE!! I hope that you can find a doc that will work as well with you.
In the last couple of weeks I have been turning here for support and found it to help tremendously. Miss Karen is always good for an uplifting mood. JenStar has been great at telling me to get off my butt and get my papers done...and it is working. I have made some progress. It is also good for me just to read and talk to people who have felt as awful as I do and have survived it to find joy in life once again. It reminds me that this will pass. And it will!! It will pass for you too. I promise...you just have to fight through it.
I agree that you need to find a new doc who is more creative. There are more remedies out there than I can count...I don't think it is even possible to try EVERYTHING in a lifetime. I have found alot of information on the main meds board and the Alternative board. I do alot of research and take it to my doc, he tells me if it is safe, sane, etc. He also does alot of research into the latest findings. Taking a little more control of the process might help you feel like you have some control of the beast that seems so out of control right now...At least it helps me. For advise on some of the alternatives, read my previous post to Attoday (Yes...on your thread-Sorry)
So there's my take on the med thing...the really hard part is getting through the waiting period...waiting to see if a treatment will work...changing meds...waiting some more...I know the drill. I think everybody here does and it STINKS. (That really deserves stronger language, but it is not allowed here.) First advise, listen to miss Karen. She is full of light and I am stunned and in awe of how good she is about recognizing the "little things". The little things of course are the best part of life when you are well enough to appreciate them.
Reach back in your memory and find the things that have enjoyed. They are there...you know they are. My thing was tree climbing and rock climbing as a kid. I went to a park the other day and climbed a tree. It felt great. Music, never forget the music. If you are sad and don't want to be cheered up, let the sad sultry sounds of Sarah McLaughlin wrap around you and share your pain. Angry?? For the last two days, every time I have been in my car I have blared Eminem as loud as my stereo would go. Yes-31 years old, upper-middle class chick listening to Emminem...I love him.
Not in the mood for music? Go catch a matinee of a good movie. Again, if you're just pissed off, go see Farenheit 9/11. It'll give you something good to target your anger at. More romantic?? The "The Notebook". Good love story, it'll make you cry! And cry!! You feel awful...Cry, you deserve it. Really!! I can't tell you how good you can feel after a good sobbing crying fit. When I first started using these boards I thought that they might be very bad for me because I cried so easily at some of the pain that people express here and some of the kind and understanding words that I have recieved.
If you just can't inspire yourself to do anything at all, you're allowed to sit in front of the TV and lose yourself is the stupid show. My thing is Law and Order. When I was at my worst I stayed at my mothers house for a week and watched Law and Order. I watched about 5 episodes a day...My mom would make me eat at least two meals a day and go for a walk, but aside from that it was Law and Order all day until I could crawl back into bed and read a good book.
I guess all of this babbling is just to say that I trully feel your pain. The key is to be good to yourself as much as you can.
No lover?? Love yourself. Lovers come and go until one comes and stays. Thats the rule of the game. (I am affraid that I too am struggling deeply with that one myself)
No Friends?? I don't believe you. I too have spent days, even months feeling as if nobody loved me. Much to my surprise, when I looked around, there were my friends ready and willing to give me the hugs I needed. Isolation is part of depression...I promise you that there are people on this planet who would love to hear from you...don't be affraid to reach out. You will be surprised.
No job?? They're over-rated. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow.
Dreams?? You have them, they are just buried beneath the pain. Search for them. Don't give them up just because you feel the way you do now.
There is really alot to live for. Ultimately, those of us who have lived through the darkness have a much insight into ourselves and the world in which we live. I trully believe that.
Hang in there. Use the support of the people here, they are an amazing group.
Hugs
(((((lepus)))))
> I love it. I am sitting here seriously contemplating my existence and whether or not it is worth it and basically only 1 person in this thread (maybe 2 sorry for your problems attoday) answered with something uplifting or acknowledged my pain (thank you karen_kay).
>
> Yes, I am being difficult. I really needed a hand to reach out and got nothing again.
poster:Indie
thread:367451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040717/msgs/367997.html